Newest chapter of GBM is coming out this upcoming week, hopefully in the Thursday area. Also, content warning, I’m going to get a bit dark and personal in this blog, like I sometimes do.
A reader got in contact with me in the past week and made the request, as politely as they could, for me to lighten up my stories. They were understandably tired of the doom and gloom that alcoholism and depression brings us, and pointed out gently how people don’t usually read erotica to read those kinds of themes. And I would totally agree, the kind of stuff I’ve been writing in the past two years or so is niche at best. In traditional erotica, it can even be argued there is *no* place for that kind of thing.
Perspective plays an interesting role here. I read chapter 14 of The Good, The Bad and the Molly and I actually feel hopeful and joyous, knowing I was involved in a situation with similar themes to that particular chapter. Things ended more poorly for me. As I read the well-reasoned criticism I was given… I don’t mean to pull this card, but I realized that for a lot of people, this was as depressing as it got.
I’m not in the habit of going into my own personal life and the specific events of it that often, but around March when I let you all in on the uncomfortable state of my life, I was staring down a combination of the themes that would make up Breathe as well as the darker themes of The Good, The Bad and the Molly. Simultaneously. I basically lost my entire support network and friend group and was suddenly staring into an existence I didn’t even recognize, and as someone who writes intensely dark stories I can tell you – a person has no idea what exactly that existence feels like until they experience it. It’s interesting to think that this kind of life event bleeds into my writing of GBM, considering I knew the whole plot of the story since early 2017 at latest. Breathe I will admit was a piece I wrote to get things off my chest and make me feel better. I was also in a bad place and had this weird belief that if I wrote about it and cast it onto the world, the bad themes would disappear and I’d be free from those thoughts only existing in my head.
Do you ever stop and think about what a weird erotica writer you follow? Remember the first chapter of Being More Social? Or Amy’s Fantasy? Those were nice. No one was overly sad, themes were cheesy, the sex was consequence-free. For my patrons that follow me, once I finish GBM I’ll be making it clear which stories have darker themes so that when you vote on a next story, you’ll be able to choose whether you’re getting something sad or something more light-hearted. And Season 2 of my writing will have a lot more light-hearted stuff. Call this my blue period or whatever. Unless you all are masochists and vote for the specifically-marked sad story in my next voting poll, the blue period is largely over. If that makes you happy, I’m glad, and I’m sorry if I ever dragged you down or made you feel worse with my stories. I hope to inspire emotion but perhaps my intensity with the negative emotions can get a bit too strong. Perhaps the ecstasy in its purest form only exists with agony there to guide it. And perhaps after too long, the ecstasy gets used to the agony guiding it and relies on it a bit too much. In my coming stories perhaps I have a bit of unlearning to do. I’ll talk to you all next week.