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In the Last Chapter…

Despite Megan’s patience wearing thin with Nicole, Adam stays diligently as her shoulder to cry on. Adam and Zelda try to make up with Carson, but instead, he blows up at them and makes it clear he doesn’t want to be in the friend group anymore. No one takes the news harder than Megan, who even swears at Nicole when she tries to cheer her up. Despite everything, Adam and Nicole are getting along better than ever, even with Nicole’s worrying condition. Adam is worried that the inevitable breakup between Zelda and Megan would affect Zelda’s performance in drama class, and talks to Savlador about it, only to receive a difficult lesson in listening to his friends’ feelings, which is only reinforced by a chance encounter listening in to Carson and Sabrina talk about how they feel about their group. Nicole invites Adam to listen in on what she thinks is going to be an innocent talk between her and Mr. Scott – it turns out he has been informed of how serious her self-harming has gotten and was there to inform her that she has been forced away from the Council for legal reasons. Not taking the news well, Nicole seems to consider going to a hospital rather than to her parents’.

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Disclaimer: This story has very dark themes and should not be read by viewers who are going through trauma and/or easily disturbed. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

The air at the next Council meeting was already tense before anyone even knew what was going on. From the moment the members could see a slightly nervous Mr. Scott and no Nicole, they figured something was up. Plus, I had to imagine the way I looked didn’t help matters at all.

“Good afternoon, Student Council,” Mr. Scott began. “I’m afraid I have some very unfortunate news. Your President, Nicole Baker, has sustained a pretty serious injury of a private nature. It’s up to her if she wishes to disclose the details of this with you at a later date. For now, she has made the very difficult decision to step down as Student Council President.” Immediately, the Council fell into a series of hushed whispers amongst themselves.

I sat behind him, arms folded, staring bitterly at the floor. I get that he needed to lie about a few things – I had to admit, an injury was a pretty good coverup that wasn’t entirely a lie, and it explained her absence well. But at the same time, it was Nicole’s “decision” to step down as President? Fuck no it wasn’t, and anyone with half a brain in the room knew that. 

I couldn’t help but glare at Sydney and Rick as Mr. Scott droned on. The thought trickled into my mind – was this even done out of concern? Was this a power grab? Were they just sick of her shit and wanted her out of the way? Or were they so stupid that they actually thought this was going to help Nicole? Neither of them met my glare, nor anyone’s gaze but their own. Selfish pricks.

Mr. Scott continued, clearly becoming more and more nervous himself. “So, with this being the case, we will follow school protocol and continue along with Council business. This means that as of now, Adam Watson will be the acting Presi-”

“A tenth grade??” Dave spoke up.

Megan whipped her head around to face him. “The school-elected Council VP,” she corrected him.

Dave gestured to her. “Yeah, no offense, I get you two are sticking together, but no. All of us here have more experience in school affairs than the sophomores.”

Jarrod looked at him, then at me, then back at him. “Aren’t Adam and Megan the only two people here that were on the Council last year?”

Eugene cleared his throat. “I think how we feel about this is kind of not the point,” he argued.

“Thank you, Mr. Whiteley,” Scott agreed. “While Adam’s situation is already a unique one, this is Council policy. If he doesn’t lead the Council well or becomes the subject of a scandal, that’s one thing, but dismissing him due to his youth is another. We are here to follow the rules, and that is what we are going to do. Not to mention, we have a month or so of school left, and now is not the time for a snap election. Today, as is customary, I will be leading the Council meeting in Nicole’s place, and Adam will be taking notes on how I run the meeting and guiding this Council from the moment the Council finishes meeting. I have already met with Adam beforehand, and he told me he will be accepting this responsibility. None of you are to sabotage or intently work against him due to this circumstance.”

Daniela raised her hand, clearly having wanted to speak for a while. “Yes, Ms. Filipovic,” Mr. Scott called on her.

She lowered her hand and smiled politely, before losing the smile entirely with her thought. “So, this injury… Does this mean that Nicole won’t be returning to the Council at all this year? We still have, like, a month and a bit of meetings.”

Mr. Scott nodded. “That is correct, yes.”

“So…” Daniela continued. “…Does that mean she’s… at the school at all? Will she be graduating this year, or…?”

Mr. Scott was silent for a bit. All of the eyes in the room landed on him. “I’m not here to discuss Nicole’s personal decisions,” he finally told us. “You will need to ask her yourse-”

“That’s not an answer,” Dave pointed out.

“You’re correct that it isn’t,” Mr. Scott replied diplomatically. “But if you wanted me to give you answers about that today, then all I will be able to give you is disappointment. I will not be discussing the private life of my students today, is that clear?”

“So…” Dave began. “Nicole has resigned, without telling us, due to ‘an injury’…” He made finger-quotes as he said those last two words. “…after an entire year of clearly making this job her life. All of us know she would never quit. Apparently she’s not even in school right now.”

This was the most I’d ever heard Dave talk. Mr. Scott was patiently staring him down. “Is there a question there?” he asked Dave.

“Yeah. Is she dead?”

A palpable tension coursed through the air. Everyone but myself and the two snitches looked eagerly at Mr. Scott for an answer. He put on his best politician’s face and laughed. “Oh, goodness, no!” he replied in a jolly way. “No, no. I’m sorry if I made this sound more serious than it was. No, she’s in good health right now.”

“Good health,” Dave repeated, then looked around the meeting. “I want the higher-ups here to have a meeting after Council ends. No staff, and no sophomores or freshmen.”

“Dave, please, let’s not be exclusionary,” Mr. Scott said disapprovingly. 

Dave shrugged. “Just a couple of friends meeting after school stuff to gossip,” he told Mr. Scott. I looked at Dave. He asked if Nicole was dead, and while everyone seemed to eagerly wait on the answer to that question… no one was shocked. It was terrible. The whole situation was just terrible.

After Dave’s objection, the rest of the meeting went normally, or at least, as normally as things could have gone under the circumstances. Mr. Scott led the Council exactly as expected – by the book, with a few lighthearted comments made for levity. The guy tried, and he, refreshingly, never tried to make himself look cool and down with the kids like bad high school movies portrayed principals, but… it wasn’t the same as Nicole. Nothing could be.

Eventually, the meeting ended, and Mr. Scott ushered us all out of the room, except for myself. I stayed behind, watching all of the other students quietly file out of the room.

“If you could close the door, please,” he told Megan, the last to leave the room.

Megan nodded, but still hesitated. “Will you be around afterwards?” she asked me.

“Totally, don’t worry,” I told her. She nodded again and closed the door, leaving me with Mr. Scott.

Scott sighed, looking down at the floor in discomfort and thought. “I appreciate you being so understanding in this trying time,” he opened. “I understand I haven’t been fully open with you-”

I held up my hand. “I know a lot. Anything I don’t know, I can guess. We don’t have to talk about it. Saying it was an injury was probably the best way you could frame it.”

Mr. Scott looked at me for a moment, and folded his arms, nodding sadly. “Well, I suppose she tells you everything, doesn’t she?” he asked rhetorically. 

“Damn near,” I confirmed, nodding back. We both paused. “Suppose she magically gets better-”

“I’m sorry, no,” Mr. Scott replied. “It’s not up to me at this point. I’m not even going to talk about the possibility, because the possibility doesn’t exist.”

I shook my head and began to emit a low chuckle. “I really don’t know if I’m cut out to take this position right now, Mr. Scott,” I admitted. “I’ll do my best, but…”

“I can’t imagine Nicole would want the Council to break apart in her absence, Adam,” he told me warmly. “And I can’t imagine she chose anyone to be her VP but the person she thought to be the most capable in exactly this kind of situation.” He put a hand on my shoulder encouragingly. “I believe in you, and so does she.”

“The Council doesn’t,” I joked.

“People in high school think age means everything,” Mr. Scott replied. “And to an extent it is important, but the older you get, the more you realize how much more valuable experience is than age. We’ve had our ups and downs, Adam, but I wouldn’t tell anyone they could do it unless I believed in them. And here we are.” He removed his hand from my shoulder, smiling at me. “Do you have any questions for me?”

“No, I think I know the jist of it. Nicole’s been calling me too, I’m set.” I folded my arms too, mirroring him. He looked at me meaningfully and I repeated, “I’m set.”

“Okay,” he conceded, unfolding his arms. “But if you need anything, and I mean anything, feel free to just knock on my door. If I’m not in a meeting or anything, I’ll be glad to help. I understand that this is all very sudden.” He started walking towards the door, then stopped, turning practically in place. “And how are things with you, are you handling this alright?”

“Uh, no,” I said factually. Coldly, detachedly. “No, not at all. But, like, who’s shocked about that?”

“Have you set anything up with the school counselor?” he asked.

“Meeting her next week,” I replied, nodding. 

“Okay, good,” he replied. “I understand times are tough, but this is the beginning of them getting better.”

“I sure hope so, Mr. Scott,” I replied with a clearly unsure tone.

“I know so,” he replied, clearly more sure, or at least wanting to sound more sure. “Also, here, this is for you.” He walked back towards me and took something out of his pocket.

The key. The fucking key. The irony was not lost on me. I closed my eyes and kept them closed for a bit, trying not to tear up in this stupid little moment. “You okay?” he asked me, breaking me out of my trance.

“I’m fine, it’s just… a lot,” I admitted, taking the key from him. He gave me a sad smile and patted my arm supportively, then turned around and left. I watched him leave, then found a chair and just… sat down. This was all way too much, and like hell was I going to pretend I was processing any of this okay. Nicole was this school. There were no two ways about it. What’s more, she was not okay, and her own Council was snitching on her and having meetings about how okay they thought she was, with not a damn drop of actual care or empathy being shown from any one of them.

I didn’t notice Megan walk in, but she had the good grace to knock softly on the door to get my attention. When I heard the knock, I whipped my head around to see her, standing in the doorway.

“Oh, hey,” I said as casually as I could. “How’s it going?”

“It’s…” Megan managed, then shrugged. “Y’know. More importantly, how are you doing?”

I scratched the back of my head. “I think it’s safe to say we’re all hurting a little right now,” I told her. “I’m going to visit her soon. Whether she likes it or not.” I chuckled at the last part, but Megan didn’t share the humor.

“I can’t believe the last thing I said to her during her time as President was a cuss,” she said bitterly. “A darn cuss, Adam. What’s happening to me?”

“You were upset, a lot of shit was happening,” I defended her. “The rest of us cuss so much more than you. Everyone does.”

“Yeah, but everyone isn’t me, I am,” she rebutted, sitting down next to me. “I don’t cuss, and one of the few times I do, it was just to lash out at her, for no reason. No darn reason. And I know it affected her. It cut her, deep.” She was talking faster and faster, with less and less breath.

I started stroking her back delicately. “And I can only guess it’s eating away at you too,” I inferred.

She nodded. “The very first thing I’m going to say when I see her is ‘I’m sorry.’ I need to say it to her as soon as possible. I need to.”

I paused and thought to myself. “Y’know, I could tell her myself, when I see her…”

She shook her head. “I need to say it myself. I was so… argh, I was so not me. It’s only right that I am the one to apologize, not you on my behalf.” She paused. “But we know Nicole. She won’t be snide about it. She’ll accept it with grace. As soon as I tell her I’m sorry, I know that’ll be a huge load off my back. But… this isn’t about me, is it?”

I continued stroking her back. “It’s okay if a part of it is. You’re hurting too, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.”

“Nicole’s a good person,” she replied, almost ignoring me. “She was only trying to help. Yeah, she can be condescending, but it’s always because she wants to help, just by… by her rules. And then I go and open my mouth. I told her… what I said. Remember when I said a new Megan is coming? I don’t like her, Adam.”

“Hey, hey,” I coaxed her, shuffling my seat to get closer to her. “This was you at your worst. No one, especially not Nicole, is going to judge you when you’re at your worst. She knows what it’s like to say things you regret, believe me. She doesn’t dislike you, I promise. Megan, I promise.”

She sniffled. “I think I know that,” she admitted, then looked away. “But still, this is going to eat away at me until I tell her, myself, that I’m sorry.”

“Then when that happens, you will, and that’ll all be better,” I replied supportively, then paused. “I take it… no word from Carson?”

She looked at me sadly in response, then collapsed her head on the table. I sighed. “And… if I can bring up Zelda…”

“We’re not talking about that,” Megan mumbled. “Ever again. Please, if you have any respect for me, don’t even mention her name. Can you do that?”

“I… can…” I replied clumsily. “Megan, she’s hurting right now too. She’s my friend as well, and she’s making a lot of assumptions, and maybe if your other two situations are causing you to hurt, communicating with her-”

“No. Please stop asking,” she emphatically replied.

I looked at her back for a bit, and nodded, stroking her back. We sat like that, not speaking for the next five minutes.

***

The day Nicole was back home was the first day of the year that I could go outside without wearing a sweatshirt. I liked to believe it was a sign. If I was overly religious, it would have given me hope, like God was telling me that now was a time of growing and healing, and that Nicole was going to be okay.

When I knocked on the Bakers’ door, a pit formed in my stomach nonetheless. Ever since that conversation she shared with Mr. Scott, I’d only gotten to talk to her over the phone. She’d spent two weeks in some sort of institution, and if her calls were any indication, all of her communication with the outside world was monitored. This was going to be the first time I’d get to ask her how she was doing and expect a real answer. And, for whatever reason, that made me nervous.

Instead of Nicole, her mother answered the door. Immediately, I gave her a sad smile. “Hello, Mrs. Baker.”

“Hello, Adam,” she greeted me flatly. “You really are persistent, you know that?”

“Your daughter taught me well,” I quipped, not losing my sad smile.

She gave me a small chuckle without opening her mouth. “You want to see her, huh?”

“If I can,” I replied politely.

“I’ll need to ask her first. She’s… a little shaky today,” she replied. “But if she says yes, I have no problem with it.”

I knew that Nicole’s mother not giving me permission wasn’t going to stop me from seeing her, and yet, I couldn’t help but feel a small pang of gratitude. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“Just make sure you use your common sense today,” she warned me, before closing the door. I waited outside, trying not to let my thoughts get the better of me. I didn’t want to even imagine Nicole saying no, because any angle of that probably would have meant disaster. Apart from… well, apart from Nicole’s more extreme moments recently, I hadn’t had any panic attacks so far this year, and I wanted to keep it that way.

Against my wishes, a thought wiggled into the free space in my mind. Apart from Nicole, nothing has given me a panic attack this year. I’d gotten my attacks pretty under control, but… I wouldn’t be lying if I said that every single panic attack I could remember from this year had been because of Nicole one way or another. Of course, I would never not stand by her side, but… there was a pattern there. Nicole would be extreme, there would be fallout, I’d have a panic attack. Those were always the events leading up to my panic attacks.

Was it… a two-way street? Was… was what I did… were my actions… causing this? Would Nicole have been fine without me? Was I… was I the reason she…

The door opened, almost causing me to yelp. Mrs. Baker’s face emerged from the doorway. “She’s okay to see you,” she told me seriously. “But she’s very much on edge. Don’t be too much, and don’t tell her anything that could startle her. Do you understand me?”

My mouth was dry. I coughed into my hand, and nodded. “Yes, I do,” I told her. I followed her into the house, took off my shoes, and walked past the kitchen, not even bothering to make eye contact with Mr. Baker as I did. Alone, I walked up the stairs, and approached Nicole’s door. I took in a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

“It’s open,” Nicole’s voice flatly said from the other side. I opened the door to see Nicole, standing in front of her open window, looking outside wistfully. “So sets the sun on yet another empire,” she remarked as if she were a million miles away. “Charles the First, Louis the Sixteenth, Marie Antoinette…” She turned slowly to face me. “…Queen Nicole.” She looked at me for a few seconds, with me saying nothing, before a shy smile slowly broke out on her face. “Hi, squirt. How ya been?”

“Worried,” I replied seriously. We didn’t say anything to each other for a bit, so I decided to inject some humor. “Richard Nixon?” I added, trying to playfully add to her list.

“Ew,” she replied, scrunching up her face in disgust, even with her smile now becoming genuine. “First of all, never compare my reign to Nixon’s. Secondly, last time I checked, the dude was never executed.”

“Oh, okay,” I laughed, even though her list now seemed more macabre. 

“So, Charles the First was the only monarch that the English ever executed for treason,” Nicole began, sitting down on her bed. “At the beginning of his reign, he-” She stopped herself when she saw me raise my hand. She chuckled in confusion. “This isn’t class, dummy. You can talk.”

“I’d… rather talk about you and how you’ve been than Charles the fucking First,” I told her seriously. “I’m sure he won’t mind me saying that.”

She laughed quietly. “Yeah, I suppose,” she admitted, clearly in reference to my last sentence. She looked out the window again. “There’s not much to say,” she added, still looking out the window. “Once again, hospitals fucking suck. Quel supris.”

“Are you feeling any better though?” I asked, trying to hide my desperate tone.

Still looking out the window, she blew a raspberry. “Fuck no,” she spat. “I’m only out this early because I put on a good front. I don’t even know if I’ll graduate this year, at this point. I went from ‘super genius’ to ‘having to take thirteenth grade.’ How fucking embarrassing.” She turned back to look at me. “And plus, I got ripped away from my damn family in the process.” She glanced down at the floor, down to where the kitchen would be. “My actual family.”

“Yeah,” I murmured, not knowing what to say. 

“But hey, in typical me fashion, I made history,” she added. “Not only am I the first president to ‘resign’ instead of be ousted, thanks to Scott’s agreement with me, I also managed to install the first ever tenth grader Student Council President in history.” She ruffled my hair, smiling at me. “And I know you’re doing great. I’m proud of ya, hotshot.” She looked straight ahead at the wall, still smiling. “Fuck. I resigned. I am Nixon.”

I didn’t share her smile. If anything, my eyes welled up. “I don’t want to be the President,” I told her. “I want things to be like how they were.” 

Her smile faded. “Okay, not to be selfish Adam, but that is not helping me right now.”

I cleared my throat and nodded. I was hurting, but time and place. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” I immediately replied, then forced a smile. “Yeah, you made history.”

Her face soured further. “Jesus, can you make it any more obvious that you don’t mean anything you say?” she asked angrily.

“I’m not happy right now, I’m scared. I don’t know what you want from me,” I told her seriously. 

She rolled her eyes and turned around, looking out the window again. I thought she was going to say something, anything, but she didn’t. He just hunched in her legs and continued to stare out the window, for around a minute.

“May I stroke your back?” I asked her.

“Yeah, go ahead,” she told me flatly. 

I started supportively rubbing her back, but she didn’t react in any way. In some ways, it was kind of like the moments before our breakup – cold, detached, and like it was nothing. Eventually, I felt like opening up my mouth again. “Have you talked to Sydney or Rick at all?”

I thought I was playing with fire by asking her that. Against all odds, that was the thing that gave her her energy back. She whipped her head around to look at me again, and against all odds, she was smiling. “Yeah, could you believe that shit?” she asked. “What a fuckin’ twist that was. Fuck no I haven’t talked to them. Maybe after graduation they can come to me and ask what the fuck was up with that.”

I paused, still stroking her back. “Why after graduation?” I asked. “You have your phone back, right? Can’t they just text-”

“Blocked ‘em. Blocked ‘em both,” she replied simply. “They wanna say something, they gotta say it to my face. This face.” She pointed to her face. “Cute face, right?”

I finally gave her a genuine smile. “The cutest,” I told her.

“Damn right,” she replied, smiling. “On some level I get it, but… hoo boy, they messed up bad. Besides, if someone screws up, texting ain’t enough. They should feel like telling me to my face. You made the trip out here, even if it’s just two houses away for you. If they’re actually sorry, they’ll do the same.”

I felt a little secondhand ray of sunshine for Megan, knowing her decision to tell Nicole herself and in person was the right decision to make. “I’m sure from their perspectives they did the right thing,” I found myself saying, even if I didn’t believe it. “They wanted to help you.”

Against my expectations, Nicole nodded. “Objectively – or at least, as close as you can get to being ‘objective’ in this situation – they did the right thing,” she agreed. “I’m not stupid. I said the biggest red-flag things to them and now I’m paying the price. I get it. But… you know, the school system isn’t exactly caught up on the whole mental health thing. I’d heard horror stories about it. A friend of mine was in the school play last year. Complications happen. He gets sad. He realizes he has depression, he goes to the school and says it. Wanna know the first thing they did?”

“What?” I asked nervously.

She leaned in. “They yoinked him out of the school play. Didn’t allow him to even come back for one rehearsal to say goodbye.” She leaned back and gave a patient smile. “They don’t care about students. They never did. They care about getting the students through the school system with as few complications and liabilities as possible. And a leading man that might kill himself… well, that’s a liability. Yoink. No more school play for you.”

“That’s awful,” I mumbled. “But surely the play… like, what if that was the thing stopping him from killing himself?”

She gestured to me with her hand. “Exactly,” she told me. “Again, I’m not stupid. I’m not saying that if someone is showing they’re serious, you shouldn’t go to the authorities. It shows you care. Just… you gotta know the authority actually cares about you first.” She paused, and looked out the window yet again, this time laughing with her tongue between her teeth cheekily. “I don’t blame you, ya know.”

“Huh?” I was caught off guard. “For what?”

“For letting the shrink know last year,” she said calmly, then turned back, smiling at me. “Oh, come on, dude. When have I not been psychic with you?”

I was shocked, but she was right, she was Nicole. When did she not know? I smiled sheepishly. “I thought it was the one time I fooled you,” I admitted with a smile. “Wait, not fooled, but-”

“Don’t worry, I get ya,” she told me calmly. “And lemme guess, you didn’t go directly to the counselor, you went to ol’ Sally, right?”

“Salvador? Yeah,” I admitted. “How’d you guess?”

“Well, number one, I knew you were meeting with him a lot last year. Two, he treated me a lot differently in drama class this year. He was… he’ll never admit it, but he was a little more understanding.”

I couldn’t help but smile to myself. So, telling Salvador did help matters after all. His words from a few weeks ago still stuck with me, and I needed to pick and choose my battles better, but… he wasn’t always right. I did the right thing by telling him that day. 

“Three, use the little gray cells, Poirot. The counselor knew, but…”

I didn’t know what she was getting at. With a confused expression, I just shrugged.

“But Scott didn’t,” she finished the thought.

“Oh wow,” I mumbled. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“Salvador has his bad moments, but he’s pretty tasteful,” she admitted. “I think he knows the system is flawed. Et voila, he actually wanted to help, so he activated the good parts without involving the bad.”

“So the counselor helped you?” I asked, hope surging from within me.

She shrugged. “I’ll admit it, yeah, a bit,” she replied hesitantly. “But like, not much. I mean, shit, where the fuck have I been these last few weeks?”

“In prison thanks to two rats,” I said grumpily.

“Yeah, well,” Nicole replied uneasily, trailing off. “They had good intentions, and that’s nice. Didn’t do me a whole lot of good, but hey, that’s kind of a running theme of my fuckin’ life. Speaking of, how’s Prezzy life?”

“Busy,” I admitted. “How the fuck did you manage it?”

“By being the best? Obvi,” she scoffed, and the two of us shared a laugh. “So, what now? We gonna keep talking about my feelings all night? Because that’s getting old.”

I glanced around her room, finally landing on her TV. “GTA?” I offered.

“Finally, you fuckin’ say it. Right answer. Ding ding ding. Let’s play some fuckin’ GTA,” Nicole replied triumphantly, getting off the bed, ruffling my hair again as she did. I watched her set up the console with a smile on my face.

***

I was really expecting Zelda to eventually stop showing up at lunch after her big breakup with Megan, especially since Megan really seemed adamant about never talking about Zelda that way again. Instead, life threw an equal curveball – Megan stopped showing up.

It didn’t change too much in terms of dynamics at the table. Zelda had, against my expectations, become one of my closest friends this year, and thanks to my recommendations, she started talking to Athena more. Of Zelda and Megan, Zelda was the one that seemed to get along more with her anyway, and it was kind of nice to see any two people at my lunch table actually getting along. Of course, the lunch table was looking really small these days.

I sighed, looking at the normally occupied empty chairs. Jason… Sabrina… Carson, for God’s sake… now Megan. The first time she didn’t show up, I texted her, then the second, but only around the third time she actually answered, telling me she was fine but to stop asking. She and I had plans to hang out this weekend, so everything would be fine, but I missed her energy at the lunch table. 

“You okay?” Athena asked gently. Zelda looked from her to me as whatever conversation they had clearly shifted. “Any way I can help?”

I smiled at Athena. “You’re sweet,” I told her. “I’m just… I mean…” I gestured to the empty chairs, one by one. “Shit seemed so much simpler in September.”

Athena nodded sympathetically, but Zelda cocked her head in thought. “Well, your relationship was clearly bad for you,” she told Athena, then turned back to me. “And clearly Carson has some shit to work out. And if he and Sabrina are sweethearts, she’s going to go with him, of course. It seems to be the best thing right now.”

“Yeah, but it was nice to have Carson and Sabrina around when we all, you know, liked each other. I’m not saying they need to stay forever, but I just miss when he treated me like a… human being.” I turned to Athena. “And there must have been good times with Jason, right? I think it’s normal to miss the past.”

Athena giggled. “Adam, you’re the one who was telling me to break up with him,” she reminded me. “You were so sir of it. And you’re right, I think I’m happier now.”

Zelda turned to her. “‘Sure’ of it,” she corrected her.

Athena smirked at her. “I failed a grade, leave me alone.”

Zelda smirked back. “English isn’t even my second language, what’s your excuse?”

Wow, I was glad I pushed Zelda to talk to her more. Their personalities seemed to get along well. “Either way,” I began, “it was nice when we were all just getting along.”

“In September, right?” Zelda asked. I nodded. Smiling teasingly, she added, “Before I had even joined the lunch table?”

“When I was barely talking?” Athena joined in. “And it’s not like the Jason stuff began when you started talking to me about it.”

“Or, to be blunt, the Carson stuff,” Zelda added gingerly, losing her smile. She met my gaze and shrugged. “The signs were there. Sorry.”

I pouted. “I’m hurting right now, guys,” I replied. “I miss my two oldest friends. They’re both just gone.”

“Well, you still have Nicole, right?” Athena asked innocently.

Zelda, who knew more (but not too much more) about the situation, reacted immediately. “Uh, I would not,” she advised Athena. “Adam’s going through stuff with Nicole now, too.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Athena replied immediately and diligently. “Well, I’m sure she won’t stay mad at you for long. You told us before, she cuts you off, then a week passes, then you’re good again.” She smiled and shrugged. “She’ll always still be there at the end of the day.”

Somehow, that made me feel worse. “Let’s hope so,” I replied darkly.

Zelda furrowed her brow at that comment, but Athena took it as a resolution and resumed eating. I wished these two would care more about our absent friends, though I guess I couldn’t blame Zelda for not feeling too close to either Carson or Megan right now. Actually, or Athena, given how ignored she felt. Maybe things were just… changing.

I hated it.

***

Even though Zelda and I were closer than ever, we still weren’t hanging out one-on-one yet. Maybe I’d never even get to that point with Zelda. Maybe she only hung out with people she wanted to get with. I dunno.

Luckily, Athena and I were still regularly hanging out, and that was nice, for a few reasons. Above all, it was nice, especially lately, to get the confirmation that my friends that liked me actually liked me. Carson did a bit of a number on my self-confidence, and hearing the blunt yet oblivious Athena going, “hey, I want to hang out with you” was very cool.

Her legs dangled over the bed as we watched one of her favorite childhood movies, swinging back and forth in childish happiness. Some colorful animated movie about two guys that discover El Dorado. Every time the movie made even the smallest of jokes, she’d laugh then look at me to make sure I laughed too. It wasn’t a bad movie at all, but it definitely didn’t have the same hold over me as it did for her.

“Are you enjoying it?” she eventually asked.

“Yeah!” I replied, not lying. It was a fun movie, but I doubted even the best movie ever could take me away from my thoughts now of all times. “It’s really, uh, pretty.”

That satisfied Athena, who was now beaming, still watching the movie. I did my best to let the movie distract me, but even if I did enjoy it as much as her, her constant looking at me was ironically making me less invested in the movie. It was like I wasn’t just watching a movie with her; I also had to perform enjoying the movie with her.

Luckily, I had other options. The movie actually had a lot of adult themes for a film clearly aimed at kids, but hey, who didn’t like a few nods and winks to the parents every so often? When the movie showed some kind of clear implication that one of the characters was getting some action off-camera, I turned to Athena and smirked. “Ah,” I mused out loud. “So this is why you wanted to watch this movie with me.”

Athena giggled and lightly blushed. “No!” she protested, then twirled her hair. “But I’m not hearing you complaining,” she added coyly. I smiled and scooched closer to her on the bed, holding her as the movie continued. We eventually settled on some kind of spooning position as the movie went on, although with Athena’s cute butt nestled against my crotch, my body couldn’t hold out responding for long.

Even though her attention was primarily on the movie, she’d occasionally look back and give me a knowing smirk whenever she felt my dick twitch and throb against her. Once or twice she lightly moved, wiggling her ass against my dick teasingly. I could only smile and bite my lip.

Even though I was stressed, I still had my urges, and plus, I couldn’t spend all of my time worrying. Hell, sex aside, being friends with the oblivious Athena was great, because she was mostly unaware of the true scale of the drama of our group, and whenever we hung out, she wanted to do cute innocent things like listen to her music or play video games or watch movies. It was like… actually hanging out. No parties and scandals and tears. Just hanging out, and occasionally fucking.

It was getting clearer and clearer that today was going to be one of those days. I grunted, thrusting my body slowly towards her once, then again, then graduating into a rhythm. Even with her gaze fixated on the movie, Athena lightly moaned, moving her ass back to meet the full length of my cock.

“You’re always so horny,” she purred, finally glancing back at me instead of at the movie.

“Pot meet kettle,” I groaned back, sliding her sweatpants down.

She giggled. “I don’t even know what that means,” she told me, getting up and removing her sweatpants entirely, then getting on her arms and knees in doggystyle position… still facing the movie.

I chuckled, seeing her wiggling her underwear-clad ass cheeks in my face. “Really?” 

She looked back at me and shrugged. “Why not?” she asked. “I wanna watch the movie, and you’re a horndog that wants to fuck me.”

“Can you blame me?” I asked, squeezing her butt cheeks with my hands. I slowly hooked my thumbs in her waistband and slid it down. 

“I guess not,” she smugly replied, eyes back on the TV, spreading her legs for me. I made quick work of removing my pants and slid the head of my cock against her slick, wet pussy lips. Even with her eyes on the movie, she moaned and moved back, eager to feel me inside her.

“You want this?” I teasingly asked.

“Yes, fuck yes,” she moaned. Her face was forwards, but it was clear her mind was no longer on the movie. Her hips were in a nearly constant, needy motion, craving for me to fill her in the way only I could.

Who was I to deny her? I slid my dick across her slit a few more times, allowing her juices and my own precum to adequately lubricate my cock, and then slowly, inch by inch, sank inside her. Athena gave out a pained yet content sigh, feeling me slowly go further and further inside her until I finally bottomed out.

“Fuuuck, I’m taking the whole thing,” she practically panted. “Start slow, okay?”

“Of course,” I nearly growled, doing as she asked and starting slowly. I grabbed her hips and ground against her, enjoying the little noises she made, even if her head was up and watching the movie. I chuckled and began to watch the movie too, but I didn’t really care about the movie itself. It was just hot that she let me fuck her while we watched her silly little movie together.

I had a goal now – I wanted to make her feel so good that she lost interest in the movie. As soon as I detected that I could go faster, I put my hips to work, hitting her in all the right places and hitting her with a rhythm that I knew by now Athena loved. Her body was playing its music, and I listened, thrusting and shoving and teasing and pleasing. All while her shirt was still on and she innocently kept watching the TV. So hot.

It was a fun test of our stamina to keep fucking the entire time, and we were both up to the challenge. If anything, I got a little worried that the movie would end before either of us came, but luckily, near the end, the movie just had a lot of fakeout “endings” that just served as pretend resolutions. Athena did her best to keep quiet so she could hear the movie, but occasionally she would let loose with a squeak or a little moan.

And every time, I’d tease her about it. “You good?” I laughed, spanking her for good measure.

“Mhm~!” she would purr back, not even bothering to look at me. I smiled, pumping away at her, enjoying the feeling and sound of skin slapping against skin. I loved how every girl I fucked had their own distinct flavor to them, and Athena was no exception. She was so needy, so stereotypically slutty and even a little ditzy, and honestly, I loved that. She was a needy little slut, eager to please me even when her easily excited mind was busy with other things, and hell, she was hot as fuck. I had a weakness for hot sluts with playful sides, though it was hard to meet a guy who didn’t.

Eventually, she looked back at me, and I saw her eyes sparkle as she bit her lip. “Fuck,” she moaned, looking squarely at me now. “How are you not tired?”

“I could say the same to you,” I teased, slapping her ass again.

She moaned and looked forward. “I’ve never met a guy that can fuck as long as you can,” she cooed, clearly impressed. “You fuck like a God, Adam.”

God, huh? Wow. That was just what I wanted to hear, in so many ways. Obviously it was an ego boost, and it helped me keep going, slamming into her, but also… Athena was such a good friend, giving me support like that at a time like this. Sometimes, life went to shit, and you just needed release, and Athena really seemed to understand that.

The emotions won me over, and soon, my resolve broke. I felt a churning begin. “You c-cursed it,” I breathed, feeling the emotions intensify every second. “I-!”

The explosion felt like it built up out of nowhere, but it burned bright and hot. I felt heaven and earth throwing themselves out of me. MY load exploded, filling Athena and no doubt making her eyes roll into the back of her head if the noises she made were any indication.

“Oh, fuuuuck,” she moaned, almost inhumanly. “Godddd, I love that…” She was nearly singing. She moved her ass against me in slow, almost loving motions. “Mmmmh…”

The noises I was making were probably not that much more coherent, to be fair. I panted and wheezed, finally pulling out of her, and collapsed next to her, rewarded with two amazing sights.

Number one, Athena relaxed her legs and, inadvertently showing off how flexible she was, spread her legs apart until she was down on the bed. Slowly, the excess cum began to leak and ooze from her freshly-fucked hole. I stared at it, mesmerized. It was an incredibly hot sight, and I couldn’t wait to fuck her like that again.

Number two, the movie was still going. I chuckled to myself, rolling slightly, remaining next to her. “Having sex with you is so fucking amazing,” I breathed to her. Her skin against mine felt hot and sweaty. The smell of sex hung like a cloud over us as we basked in the afterglow.

She slyly turned her gaze towards me. “You too, Adam,” she told me in a sensual voice, though she turned back to the movie quickly. Having gotten my stress relief, I was content to keep watching the movie with her, albeit in a new position with my arm looped over her now.

***

I kept nervously playing with my shirt and occasionally peeking between the curtains to view the crowd. All of my body hated this. It shouldn’t have been me making the speech today: it should have been Nicole.

The Student Council Election was today, and just like last year, the right to make the opening speech was ripped away from the rightful President. Only this time, instead of Mr. Scott making the speech, it fell to me. Because that was my role. I was the President.

In a weird way, I was almost relieved. Even before Nicole was removed from the Council, the question of whether I was going to apply to be the President came up. Mr. Scott had to approach me a few days ago and gingerly bring up that Presidents couldn’t run for re-election, and so technically, it would be breaking the rules for me to run, but he could “See what he could do.” 

Honestly, it was the biggest silver lining to all of this. I loved Student Council, but… I didn’t. I loved Nicole’s Student Council. I didn’t want to be on it without her, and she wouldn’t be on it after this year. I… didn’t want to be on the Council anymore. I wanted to move on. So I gave Mr. Scott my best politician voice and told him, “Oh no, Mr. Scott, it’s okay, Mr. Scott… I’ll bite the bullet, I won’t run for President. No really, it’s fine.”

Mr. Scott acted like I was making some big sacrifice, and I wondered if he knew as well as I did that I was, of course, a pretty average President, and in no way a good followup to Nicole’s presidency. I was inexperienced, and I hated to give credit to Dave, but I was young. I didn’t know what I was doing. The last few weeks I did the best job I could, but thanks to my inexperience, my circumstances and the realization dawning on me that I didn’t like the Council if Nicole wasn’t on it, my presidency was pretty darn mediocre.

“Hey,” a feminine voice called out to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. I felt a hand touch mine. I looked away from peeking out between the curtains to see Megan looking at me, a streak of light across her face from the break in the curtains. “How’re you holding up?”

“Hm, me? Oh, I’m fine. The, uh, event is starting soon, you should probably take a seat,” I told her with a flat voice.

She gave me a small smile. “You know, I get the irony of me calling you a bad liar, but…” she trailed off, then her smile faded. “It’s a lot, isn’t it?”

I smiled back, but sadly. “Yeah,” I admitted. “It’s a lot.” We paused. “Congrats on running for School Spirit rep. You’re gonna do great.”

“We’ll see,” she replied nervously, looking back behind her. “I don’t think I’m going to win.”

I lowered my voice. “You said that at the beginning of the year too, and plus, you won both of your elections. You’re running against a nobody.”

“Adam!” she chided me, a playful smile on her face, whipping her head back to look at me. “Don’t be mean.”

I threw my hands up. “Just saying!”

To be honest, most of the Council were running against nobodies, or their seats were emptying, ready to be filled by newcomers. I guess this year’s Council was half-full of newcomers themselves, but still. Half of them were graduating this year. Sydney, Rick… Nicole. Dave was sticking to his guns, running for Dance rep again. Eugene and Daniela were running for Pres and VP for next year, and it was already abundantly clear they were going to win against… yeah, I’d already forgotten the names of the people they were running against. 

Though, I sure as hell recognized the guy running for Extracurriculars rep, especially as he slowly walked up to Megan and myself, standing next to her. I think the last time I even saw the guy was this time, last year. I swallowed. “Hey, Matt.”

“Hey,” he simply said to me. “Uh, sorry to hear about Nicole. Give her my best, would ya?”

Matt loomed over us. He was slightly taller than me, even after my growth spurt, so naturally, he towered over Megan. He looked at her with hesitation. She looked at him with… very little emotion at all. “They’re starting soon,” he told her. “We should probably get to our seats, don’t you think?”

Megan paused, then looked at me, then back at him. “Okay,” she simply said, walking away. 

Matt lingered for a bit, then shrugged at me. “Y’know?” was all he said, then he followed her. I thought I would go the whole year without speaking to him, but he was nice to me at last year’s election too. I guess the guy had a thing for being amicable at elections or something. 

I guess on some level it was nice that he was going to run for Council again. I blocked out most of my memories of him, but he seemed to care a lot about the Council. We were… going to need people who cared about Council again. 

Mr. Scott walked by me, tapping my shoulder with his hand on the way by. “Are you all set, Adam?” he asked me, not breaking his stride.

I nodded, then realized he couldn’t see my nod. “I think so,” I told him flatly. I looked at the candidates, all sitting on their respective chairs. Megan, playing with the hem of her clothing. Matt, drumming on his thighs nervously. Eugene, sitting next to Daniela, joking with her, stopping to give me an acknowledging nod. I nodded back. It was strange. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this year’s election had fewer newcomers than last, and yet… it felt like the entire Council was changing. All because of Nicole.

I noticed the curtain begin to open and took in one last breath before ushering all of my confidence into my next steps forward. I strutted across the stage and tapped the microphone as the students began to settle down, looking at me with… unsureness. Perhaps even confusion. I wanted to tell them I knew how they felt, and maybe my speech would even get to convey that.

“Good morning, Hazelwood!” I opened, clearing my throat casually after the first sentence. “I think it’s fair to say that I should not be standing here right now, giving this speech. We all know who should be. For those of you who don’t know, Nicole Baker has…” I hesitated. “…injured herself recently, and sadly, had to resign from the presidency and can’t be here to make the speech. But!” Here goes. I know today wasn’t supposed to be about her, but I was not about to let this opportunity go to waste. I just hoped Scott wouldn’t cut off my speech. “Before we get to the events of today, I just want to say a few words on her behalf. Whether you liked her or disliked her as a person, as a president… Nicole Baker was Hazelwood High.”

I paused. The crowd was… silent. Respectful, even. Almost somber. “I would know, I spent a lotttt of my time around her. I think a few of you noticed that, particularly whoever wrote that flattering piece of graffiti about me and her in the first floor boy’s bathroom. If you know, you know.” There were a few chuckles from the crowd. “Anyway, my point is, I can’t think of a better way to honor the legacy of, in my opinion, the best president Hazelwood High has ever had, than to hold this election and keep up the legacy of electing students that care about the student body in this school and work for them, not out of obligation, but because they believe in them. This speech should have been Nicole’s, we all know it, so the best thing I can do is remind us all what she stood for. Passion, school spirit, hard work, dedication, and, let’s be honest, a bit of brattiness to shake things up.” A few more chuckles and murmurs ran through the crowd. 

I breathed in and out, gripping the podium a little tighter as I talked. “It has been my honor to serve the Student Council as President for a few weeks, but I know what feels right, and I’m glad to pass things along so quickly. Today, we’re electing our new Council. The roles of President, Vice President, Treasurer, and the representatives for extracurriculars, advertisement, school spirit and dance. All of these are important roles, and they’re here for us. For you. We’re doing this for ourselves, for the school, for Nicole, and for the future. Let’s work together to make tomorrow an even better day for us all than our Council has made today. Ductus exemplo.”

The sounds of applause and the occasional cheer ran through the gym. Well hey, this was way better than the dumpster fire of my speech last year. All I had to do was talk about someone they actually liked. Who knew? I stepped back and allowed Mr. Scott to call out the nominees for Student Council President so they could make their speeches, though when I stepped back, I happened to lock eyes with someone.

Knowing Carson, I honestly didn’t even expect the guy to want to look at me, but here he was. Looking at me well after my speech was over, a blank if tense look on his face. I wanted to give some kind of noncommittal gesture – a shrug or something – but I ended up staring back at him. What was he thinking? Why was he looking at me? Were we cool now, or was this his way of communicating he was still angry at me?

Eventually, Sabrina leaned in to whisper something into his ear, and he broke eye contact to look away, smiling at whatever she was telling him. When she finished, they looked at each other and began laughing together. Damn, they were a legitimately cute couple. It was awful. Cute, I guess, but awful. 

By now, Eugene was giving his speech, and Mr. Scott had retreated back to stand next to me. He gave me a little glance. “That was a very nice speech, Adam,” he remarked. “It was kind of you to talk about Nicole like that.”

“I honestly thought you were gonna stop me,” I told him. “I took the speech and made it about her.”

“Yes, I suppose you did, though I get the funniest feeling that Nicole would have managed to make it more about her,” he told me, poking me in the side with his elbow and smiling knowingly. “But I never said that.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, good point.”

“I would never have stopped you,” he told me. “Your words were true. She believed in the students like no other Student Council President I’ve ever seen.” He turned to me. “Sometimes, life isn’t very fair, is it?”

“No, it really isn’t,” I agreed.

“But you were here to make sure she wasn’t forgotten. And she wasn’t. I can only imagine what that must mean to her.” He smiled, and leaned in. “I had the AV club record the opening speech. It’s going to you. You can do what you want with it.”

I smiled. “You asked someone to record it?”

“I had a feeling you were going to talk about her. The graffiti, well, put it too crudely, but, it was right. You two can’t keep away from each other,” he joked again. “And right now when she might need the support more than ever, wouldn’t it be lovely if someone showed Nicole just how much not only you, but the whole school, thought about her?”

I started breathing harder, and my eyes got misty. Fuck, this was going to be the second fucking Student Council speech day where I cried.

***

Nicole sat down at my kitchen table, smiling at Mom as she served her a piece of toast. “Thanks,” she told her, then slowly took a bite. I didn’t ask why, but ever since she left the hospital, Nicole’s relationship to food clearly changed. “So why the fuck would I wanna see the opening speech?” She quickly turned to Mom. “Sorry, I shouldn’t swear, should I? Flip. Why the flip?”

I loaded the video file onto Mom’s laptop. “Well, I worked hard on it, and I thought you might enjoy seeing it.”

Nicole lowered an eyebrow. “The speech I should have given? Kinda insensitive to rub it in my face like that, don’t you think?”

I only smiled in response, and clearly, Nicole wasn’t expecting that. I winked at her. “Do you trust me?” I asked.

She paused. “Okay, fine, I’m intrigued,” she replied, rolling her eyes. I offered her the pair of headphones and she put them on, grabbing the laptop and hitting ‘play,’ elbow on the table, chin in hand. For the first half-minute or so she sat there with a less-than-amused expression, but then, slowly, her eyebrows began to raise. 

She sat up. She looked from the screen to me with near urgency, then back at the screen again. The hand went from being on her chin to covering her mouth as her eyes got mistier and mistier. 

“Holy shit…” she mumbled into her hand. Even though she had headphones on, I could hear the claps and cheers. She’d reached the end. A tear ran down her face. “They’re cheering. For a speech about me.”

I laughed. “Nicole, they cheered the fuck out of you whenever you gave speeches.”

“Yeah, but I always thought…” she trailed off, looking at the screen again. “They didn’t forget me. They’re cheering for… sorry, I shouldn’t be making this about-”

“They’re cheering for you,” I agreed warmly, nodding. “The speech was about you, Nicole. That’s what they’re cheering for. Look how much you inspired them.”

Both of her hands were on her mouth now. She closed her eyes and began to cry in earnest, the tears going down her face. With her eyes still closed, she took off her headphones. “Bathroom,” she announced. “I’ll be in there for like a fuckin’- for like a flippin’ hour.” She ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, leaving me to smile sheepishly at Mom. 

She smiled at me. “That was so lovely, Adam,” she said slowly. “You’re such a thoughtful boy, my sweet boy.”

Dad walked across the kitchen with an empty glass, filling it from the sink. He shook his head. “That was really selfless, you know,” he began, pausing to sip from the glass. “The speech itself sounds like it came from a thoughtful, reflecting… I mean, I had coworkers who wouldn’t be mature enough to come up with a speech like that. And now I get to tell people my fifteen-year-old son wrote a speech like that, and dedicated it all to someone else.” He shook his head again. “I mean it. I’m seriously impressed with you. So selfless.”

It was my turn to shake my head. “Honestly, Dad, I was really selfish for a lot of this year, I think,” I began.

He shrugged while sipping his water. “Well, yeah. Of course. That’s practically the job of being a teenager. If you weren’t usually selfish, I’d probably have to take you back to the manufacturer and complain I got a defective model.”

“Timothy,” Mom chided him. 

“But even showing the capacity to do that once… it takes character, son. Real character.” His face contorted. A muted smile. “You’re really special.”

I shrugged. “I’m lucky to have special people in my life,” I said quietly. 

The bathroom door audibly opened. “Cheesy,” the sobbing voice of Nicole declared, then the door slammed again. I chuckled to myself. None of them got it. I didn’t do this because it was a good gesture, or even the right thing to do. I did this because a girl like Nicole deserved to hear it. Hell, Scott got someone to record it before he even knew what my speech would be about. He knew. He got it. 

And it might take the rest of my life to convince her, but I was going to make sure that Nicole got it too.

***

“Thanks for agreeing to meet us, Adam,” Eugene told me as I unlocked Room 203. 

I shrugged. “Yeah, no problem,” I told him nonchalantly. I opened the door, and walked in. I was followed by Eugene, Daniela, Dave, Rick, and Sydney. The whole Council, minus Jarrod, Megan, and Nicole. I walked over to the main desk and leaned next to it. “So, what’s up? Did you want to talk about what Presidenting is like, for next year? Congrats again, by the way.”

“Yeah, thanks bro,” Eugene replied, scratching the back of his neck. “Uh, to be honest, I wasn’t the one who wanted to talk.”

“I was,” Dave added.

I shrugged again. “Okay, that’s fine,” I replied calmly, save for me being a little weirded out. “I’m happy to talk to any of you about Council stuff. Hell, we should have just asked Megan and Jarrod to come, you know, make it a proper meeting.”

Dave looked to Daniela, who shut the door. I followed its movement with my eyes. “Adam,” Dave began right when the door closed. “We wanted to be polite about it up until the election, but let’s cut the bullshit, alright? You’re not the President.”

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms, sitting on the desk. I wasn’t even surprised by this move. “Okay, here we go,” I groaned.

“We’re the ones that ran the Council this year-”

“With Nicole leading you,” I reminded them.

“Sure, yes, totally, but now that she’s gone, and I mean, Eugene was elected in anyway, so, why don’t we make this a little easier? It’s clear you don’t want to lead us, and we want a good leader. Win-win.”

“I was here last year, I know how this goes down,” I reaffirmed. “The Council President still leads until the end of the school year. At the beginning of summer, that’s when power changes hands. Even when the VP is the acting President. Those are the rules.”

“Acting President is just a title,” Dave argued back. “A technically unelected title. And if you were put in by a technicality, then the elected members of the Council outrank you.”

I paused. You know what, fuck this. “Dave, why is it that I barely hear more than a sentence out of you unless you’ve got some weasel-y backstab-y shit to say?” I asked with more heat than I realized.

Daniela’s back shot up straight, and Eugene looked from the floor to me. “C’mon, buddy,” Eugene coaxed.

I held up a finger and got up off the desk. “No,” I told him. “I’m not your fuckin’ buddy. You agreed to come here, and I’m guessing it was Dave himself who invited you. You just sat and listened when Dave told me I wasn’t the President, and when I pushed back, suddenly then you go all, ‘aw, come on, noooo…’”

“Yeah,” Sydney cut in, joining the dissenting voices. “Don’t you get it? You’re not the victim here. All of us met here because we don’t think you’re doing a good job. The whole point of this isn’t us being mean, it’s you being bad.”

The fucking nerve of Sydney of all people complaining that I ended up as the President. I took a chair and sat down in it, over-exaggeratedly stroking my chin with my hand. “Yeah, crazy how I ended up in this position, isn’t it, Sydney?” I asked her rhetorically, still stroking my chin. “Why is that? I mean, why the hell did Nicole even retire, anyway? Everyone here knows she would never want to. Does anyone other than these two know why that happened?”

Sydney’s eyes began to widen. “What?”

I savored the moment. “Oh… oh, wait, do you two not even know? Do you actually not even know why she stopped showing up?!”

Rick was looking at me, severely weirded out. “Adam, can you stop being this drama-hungry piece of shit for five seconds? Jesus. This is exactly why-”

“Nah, tell ya what,” I replied, finding newfound energy. “You all hate Adam. You all like Nicole. Lemme be a mini-Nicole for a lil’ bit here.” I felt my tone adopt Nicole’s mannerisms in real time. I hopped up out of my seat and began pacing. “So, Dave, I wanna ask you something. You asked if Nicole was dead when Scott broke the news. Why was that?”

A silence rang through the room. Dave cleared his throat. “A joke.”

“Nah, nah nah nah. It wasn’t a joke. No one laughed,” I pointed out. “Everyone waited for Scott’s reply, too. It seemed like it was a genuine possibility.”

“Well, yeah,” Daniela jumped in. “Nicole loved the Council. It felt like it would take her dying for her to stop being the President.”

“An excellent point by Ms. Filipovic,” I agreed, pointing at her. “It did feel that way, didn’t it? And yet she did retire. But she didn’t announce it herself. Scott had to. So obviously…”

“…She wasn’t at the school at all? I don’t get where you’re going with this,” Sydney grumpily replied.

“Nope, think deeper,” I replied, still pacing. “Let’s try this: she didn’t get to make the choice. She didn’t retire at all. Let’s suppose her injuring herself was a clever little lie Scott came up with.”

Eugene shook his head. “Couldn’t be,” he reasoned. “If she was getting booted from the club, we’d have to put it to a vote. We did it for you. We voted for you to stay, you know. I think you might be making them regret that, though.”

“Oh my God, just shut up,” I told him, losing patience.

“Bro-”

“Council only votes on whether a member leaves due to unprofessional conduct. But if the student is found to be a danger, to themselves or others, the Principal is forced to act. I know that rule for a fact.”

Eugene shut his mouth but stared in confusion at me. All of them did. I had all of their attention, albeit their confused attention. “So…” Daniela broke the silence. “Did Nicole start a fight?”

“That would be the ‘others’ part of that statement,” I replied. Most of the Council’s expressions only got more confused, though realization began to dawn on Sydney’s face.

“Ooh, ooh, here we go,” I exclaimed excitedly, pointing at Sydney. 

“Oh my God…” she murmured to herself. She slowly turned to Rick. “Rick-!”

“What, what is it?” he asked with increasing urgency.

“Relax,” Dave cut in, thinking he knew the whole situation. “Nicole has been going through some struggles. Personal stuff. Mr. Scott found out and made a call, that’s all. It’s just unfortunate timing.”

“Was it? Was it, Dave?” I asked, then looked at Sydney again. Rick was getting it now, but he kept up his expression.

Rick sighed, and faced the others. “Okay, fine, since we’re just blabbing about our friend openly like this,” he angrily commented. “Nicole missed the Valentine’s Day dance because she was having one of the… struggle episodes Dave mentioned. Sydney, myself, and Adam visited her in the hospital. Nicole kinda sorta made it clear to us that she was going to get worse, so, like the responsible friends we were, we told Mr. Scott about it.”

“Whereupon Mr. Scott,” I took it from there, “knowing Nicole told him another version of the story, called her parents and received proof that she was, in fact, in the hospital.”

“How do you know this?” Rick asked me.

“I was in the room,” I told him, not dishonestly. “I heard it. The whole conversation. So naturally, Mr. Scott, now having this information, had to work with what he had. The Board got involved, apparently even the superintendent.”

“The super-wha…?” Eugene asked.

“Person who manages the school district, makes the rules principals have to follow,” Dave leaned over and told him. 

“And the Board and superintendent are fucking clueless when it comes to this stuff. All they know is, a harmful student, even a self-harming student, could be a problem-causing student. So, they tell Scott he has to get rid of Nicole. No buts. No plan B. Nicole has to go.”

Another silence wafted through the room. “But…” Sydney protested, “we couldn’t have known that would happen.”

“Nicole did. It happened to a friend of hers. It’s why she carefully avoided telling Mr. Scott.”

“But…” Rick protested. “Nicole said she gets closer to killing herself every day.”

“Remember how I stayed by her side when you two ran off?” I quizzed him in response. “I guessed that she says that stuff just to push people away, because it hurts too much. She told me I was correct. She’s done it to me before, Rick. She would have said anything to get you two to leave, and it worked. It doesn’t make what she says true, nor does it make it fair to use those words against her later if you bother to learn that about her.”

“Okay, so? We operated based on what she told us. Would you have done anything different if y-”

“Yes, you fucking moron,” I bellowed. “I did do something different. I fucking listened to her. I asked her questions, I tried to see things from her perspective. I understood that the school would fucking turn the tables on her. I went through the right channels. You were just telling me a semester ago that I did the wrong thing by getting a counselor for her, for her fucking suicidal episodes. Now you’re trying to tell me that you telling Mr. Scott she was a danger and getting her fired from the Council was the right thing to do?! Do you wanna go ahead and tell me what made me wrong and what made you right? Don’t be shy, Rick.”

Rick didn’t say anything for a while, but neither did the rest of the Council. Eventually, he started frantically looking at them. “W-what?!” he finally managed.

“Is… is that true?” Daniela asked. “You told Adam he was wrong for getting her a counselor, when you knew she was…. H-harming herself?”

“Well, Nicole is… you know, she doesn’t trust authority figures, because they… they don’t get her…”

“…So you just went ahead and told Mr. Scott she was a danger to herself?” Dave asked in confusion.

“Hey!” Rick protested. “She said she was going to kill herself! I was scared for my friend! What did you want me to do?”

“Well, congratulations, Rick,” I told him in a toned-down voice, my arms folded. “What you did do was get her kicked off the Council. Her biggest joy in the world. All because you and Sydney spooked Mr. Scott and the Board into taking action.” I let my words sink in. “And Mr. Scott, by the way, fought for her,” I added, addressing everyone. “He wanted to keep her on the Council. But once the information was out, the fucking bureaucrats at the Board didn’t want her to be a liability. Because the fucking school system doesn’t want kids to get cured, they want them to not be problems. And thanks to their fucking snitching, Nicole went from ‘sick’ to ‘a problem.’”

“Oh my God,” Eugene mumbled. “That’s why she’s gone?”

I nodded. “That’s why she’s gone,” I confirmed. “If the secret’s out, you can ask her about it.”

“Or Mr. Scott?” Daniela asked.

This was definitely going to blow up in my face later, but I wanted Council to know about how slimy Nicole’s friends were. “Or Scott,” I confirmed, nodding. “They got her kicked off. And now, you all are coming for me. So if you approached Mr. Scott telling him that you all were going to go around me and act like the President doesn’t exist… well, he might be able to detect a pattern.”

The faces around me were a sea of emotions. Dave looked at the floor, understanding the gravity of the situation. Daniela and Eugene looked at each other, concerned and horrified. Sydney was close to tears. Rick looked like he was ready to tear my head off. 

Dave spoke first. “And let me guess. If we go around you anyway…”

I nodded. “I let Scott know. I point out the pattern myself.” I went to my desk and put both hands on it. “Guys. I was only ever going to be President for another month. Less than. Why the fuck were you all so impatient? What the fuck were you even trying to do here? Why was it so important to get me out of the way?”

They didn’t answer, and in a snap decision, I slammed my hand down on the table. “No, I fuckin’ wanna know. Why was it so important to get me out of here, guys?”

Dave looked up at me. “Because you were a sophomore!” he admitted. “Yeah, don’t we feel like fuckin’ idiots. I get it.”

“You’re not idiots,” I replied, shaking my head, before pointing at Dave. “You’re power-hungry,” I started, then moved my finger to Eugene. “…You’re clueless…” I moved my finger to Daniela and shrugged. “…Honestly, you’re fine…” Then I finally moved my finger to Rick and Sydney. “…And you two…” Time to embrace my inner Salvador. “…Didn’t truly get Nicole’s perspective, but felt comfortable making her decisions for her anyway. You wanted to help, but didn’t take into account her feelings or her own knowledge. You just operated on your own assumptions, and made her worse just to feel better about yourselves for helping. Yes, obviously, we have to get people help when they need it, but you didn’t even care about getting her help. You just wanted her to stop being a problem, by any means, and all that came of it was that she’s out of the Council now.”

“Fucking shut up!!” Rick roared, standing up. “All that came of it? Fucking really? We get that she was out of school because she was at home resting, or going to the fucking hospital or something. She’s getting help! How can you stand here like a dick and tell us that nothing good came of this when she’s literally getting help?”

I didn’t lose my confidence. If anything, I started laughing. “And do you know that for sure, Rick? Do you?”

Rick’s eye twitched. He maintained his stance, but his confidence clearly evaporated behind his eyes. “…Yes. We’ve been texting her,” he lied. To my face. Even Sydney looked at him with this pleading ‘what are you doing’ face.

I cocked my head, smiling. “Rrrreally?” I asked, savoring the moment. “Must have been hard to, considering how she blocked you and Sydney a while ago.”

Rick’s eyebrows met in a V and his cheeks burned. He blinked, then looked around the room. Anyone who looked back at him clearly showed disappointment on their faces. The silence spoke volumes. He was caught in a lie. 

“Nicole’s whole life was this Council,” I began again in a calm voice. “And at one time she considered you two her best friends. Every moment she spent at school was for the Council. For the school. For you all. I’ve been visiting her every day to give her updates, to ask advice, but most importantly, to check up on my friend. How many of you have reached out to her even once since she ‘retired’?”

My eyes swept the room. No one raised their hand. No one said anything. 

“Yeah,” I said in a quiet voice. “Well, she appointed me as the new President. She wanted me to be President. I’ll definitely admit, I haven’t done the greatest job. But maybe, just maybe, as my Council, you could have helped, or even told me, ‘hey Adam, you’re doing a shit job, can we give you some advice?’ But none of you did that. You just defaulted to ‘let’s get rid of him.’ Just like how none of you reached out to her. Great communication, Council. Just great. Great empathy, great friends, greeeeat fuckin’ people.” I walked to the seat at the desk and sat down. “So where do we go from here?”

No one spoke for a long while. Eventually, Dave piped up. “You could have told us that you’d be open to advice instead of us going around you,” he said. “You should have compromised with us.”

“Oh,” I replied, marveling at his audacity. “Oh, I see. So, when I learned you all wanted to basically get rid of me, kind of like how you, accidentally, got rid of Nicole, I had to plead and bargain with you. Does anyone else, in light of this new information, agree with Dave?”

No one raised their hand, for the second time in a row. Dave didn’t even bother to check if anyone agreed with him. “Okay, you’re right,” he admitted. “We’re sorry.”

“Yeah,” Eugene admitted. “We weren’t a good team this year.”

I cocked my head. “The best President of Student Council history got forcibly removed by the actions of this Council, and no one in the Council reached out to her. And your only big action after that was trying to take down the person she wanted to replace her, her best friend, and your own coworker. Fuck, if this were Congress or something, I think this would be treason.” I paused, enjoying the first true feeling of being the Student Council President. “I think the meeting is over. Stay as long as you want, bring up any points you want, I’ll listen to anything you want to say, but on Monday, get ready to walk in through that door ready to be a team player. Because for this past month, none of you have had the fucking guts to be any kind of team player. And get ready to accept that this lil’ pipsqueak baby is, like it or not, your President. Understood?”

Eugene was slowly nodding to himself. Rick’s eyes were closed, and it was clear that he was working himself into a rage. Finally, his eyes shot open, and he bolted up to my desk. “Fine. You want fucking formality?!” he demanded. “Mister fucking President, I resign.” He sped back to where he sat, grabbed his bag, and ran out of the room. 

Eugene and Daniela exchanged horrified glances as Dave held his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth. Sydney looked up at me, her eyes welling up. “I’m… I’m not coming back…”

I shrugged. “That’s your decision. If you’re giving up on the Council after I told you to improve, what do you want me to say?”

Sydney started to cry, and quickly grabbed her bag, standing up. She quickly ran out of the room, following Rick.

I sighed. “Is anyone else quitting? It’s gonna make next year way harder.”

Eugene shook his head. “I’m next year’s President. And I’ll learn from this, and get better.”

I pointed at him. “Nice. Love the improvement already, dude.”

Dave pulled out his phone. “I’m texting Nicole. Tell her I’m thinking of her.”

I nodded. “Good idea.” I turned to Daniela, the only one not to speak.

She had a look of conflict painted across her face. “When we do come in, on Monday…” She trailed off, but I only stared at her. “…Can we just pretend this stuff never happened?”

The other two murmured in agreement, but I shook my head. “We need to remember it did happen,” I told her firmly. “I won’t hold it against you all, but we need to remember it happened. Don’t worry. I’m not going to use this to leverage anything. I didn’t exactly run for President again. I’m not trying to make any huge changes. I’m not a dictator.” I paused. “I’m just your equal, and if you all went this far because you wanted that to not be the case… why should I just pretend that never happened?”

Dave’s mouth moved to one side of his face. He slowly nodded. He stood up. “I’m sorry I doubted you,” he told me. “But you’d better mean what you said about accepting advice. As soon as you start screwing up, I’m gonna tell you.”

“And I’ll work with whatever you tell me,” I told him.

Dave chuckled, letting a smile grow on his face. “Nice,” he replied, scooping up his bag. “Anything else?”

“You’ve got an angel on your shoulder, dance rep,” I told him, giving him a salute. “I bet Nicole will be really happy to hear from you.”

He stared at me for a bit. “I underestimated you,” he admitted, then walked out of the room. He popped his head back in. “You’re still an overdramatic dick though. That’s my first piece of advice.”

I laughed. “I’ll work on it, thanks,” I told him.

He laughed back, then left, for real this time. Eugene and Daniela slowly got up, clearly not knowing what to say. They were clearly thinking, though, and that was enough. Eugene got his things, and gave me a salute. “Sorry again,” he admitted quietly. 

“‘Preaciate it,” I told him in response. 

“We’ll be better than this next year,” Daniela added hastily. 

I shrugged, feeling powerfully calm. “Hey, if I am really that bad, the good news is, I won’t be there next year,” I joked in response.

“You’re not bad,” she instinctually replied, then paused. “We’ll get better as a team.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I replied with a nod, and the two left.

I sighed, then slowly got up. Finally, I was the President. Not in title, but in terms of respect. No wonder Nicole was done with everything all the time if this was the bullshit she had to put up with. I put the furniture back together, turned off the lights, got my things, and locked the door. I slipped the key into my pocket, and checked the time. Perfect. I walked down the hallway towards the bussing area, texting Nicole along the way.

I’m taking the late bus today. I’ll be there in around 20 mins.

The bus ride was calm and quiet. It gave me time to think. It was odd… on some level, I knew what I did was overly dramatic and petty and… maybe what a cynic would call ‘very Adam Watson’ of me. And yet, on another level I felt like such a fucking adult. I took a whole Council that was against me, a Council that didn’t deserve Nicole, and I made them all see reason. All it cost me was… however many headaches over the next few weeks this would solve. And we dropped the dead weight from the Council. Adios, Sydney and Rick. No skin off my back. My guess was, they weren’t exactly lining up to visit Nicole before me either. We didn’t need them.

When the bus dropped me off, I didn’t even bother going to my house first. I went straight to Nicole’s, and knocked on the door, checking my phone for the time as I did. I was on time. Sure enough, Mrs. Baker answered the door.

She frowned when she saw me. “Hello, Adam,” she acknowledged coldly. “Be careful today. I think it’s been a hard one for her.” 

I nodded. “I understand, thanks.”

It became something of a ritual with us. She’d give some kind of remark – anything from snide to downright kind, depending on Nicole’s mood as well as her own – then let me in, and I would go upstairs and visit Nicole. It was like Nicole was still stuck in a hospital, except in this case, it was her own house.

It was clear Mrs. Baker wasn’t kidding when I knocked on, then opened, Nicole’s door. She was sitting on the bed, looking away from me, back hunched over. Her room was a mess, the kind of mess I’d rarely ever seen Nicole’s room being. It didn’t smell all that great either, but I didn’t care about that.

“Hey,” I chipperly called out, dropping my bag and sitting next to her. “How’s it going, are you okay?” I took her hand and held it in mine, and looked at her supportively. She had a faraway look in her eyes, but that was okay. I’d remain here for her. I’d wait. IT was okay, it was alright.

A few minutes passed before Nicole’s telltale exhale brought her back to reality. Her facial expression began to shift, though clearly, today’s episode was a particularly deep one. She slowly looked at me. “Adam…” she nearly panted.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked her gently.

“Dave called me. He told me… a lot…”

My face fell, but I didn’t dare look away from her. I just nodded. “Yeah. If I said anything out of line, I’m sorry. I let my feelings get the best of me.”

She slowly shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault,” she admitted slowly. Like a zombie. “Christ, everything got so fucked-up there. I heard Sydney and Rick quit.”

“Yeah,” I admitted, then squeezed her hand. “Is that hitting you hard?”

She slowly shook her head. “Nah. Fuck ‘em.” Her voice was coming back. “You got Dave to see reason. Sometimes I can’t get Dave to see reason. I think he gave me a pretty accurate rendition of the shitstorm that went down. If he talks about himself in a negative light, odds are he’s forcing himself to be honest.” She gave a low chuckle, and I chuckled with her.

“You cool if we lie down? This position can’t be comfortable,” I told her. She nodded, and I gently moved her to lie down on the bed, then laid down next to her. She slowly exhaled again, and looked at me. 

I looked back at her. “Where do I even go from here, Nicole? Scott’s going to ask questions. Student Council is kind of fucked up right now.”

She smiled softly. “Do what I always tell people to do. What Hazelwood always tells people to do.” I looked at her, confused, and her smile grew into a cheesy one. “I just always say it in Latin. Lead by example, squirt. Ductus exemplo.”

I chuckled. “Nice,” I admitted. “But aren’t you worried? I’ve got to admit, I’m fuckin’ worried. I feel like I just started something horrible.”

She stroked my arm. “Nah, don’t worry about it.” She paused, letting her hand linger on my arm. “I’m not worried, but maybe I should be more worried about that…?”

“Why?”

“I feel… numb,” she answered honestly, beginning to stroke my arm again. “Surreal. Almost like I’m living in a dream. Today felt… almost like it wasn’t real anymore. Maybe the gravity of what you did hasn’t sunk in yet.” She looked at me and smiled cheekily. “So maybe tomorrow I’m gonna call you and yell at you and go ‘oh my God, you big idiot, look what you diiiiid!’”

We both laughed. “Looking forward to that,” I mused. “Surreal, huh? Is it at least peaceful?”

“Yeah, I think so.” She paused. “I appreciate how much you listen, Adam. It’s really crazy how much of your life you’ve just given up to be with me every day like this.”

I shook my head. The least I could do was listen to her, especially when she seemed out of it and needed a friend to bring her back to reality. “You’re the one that got ripped out of school. I wanna be here to make sure you’re still connected. Do your parents ever let you leave the house?”

She shook her head. “Sometimes I sneak out the window if I’m feeling frisky. Go take a walk or visit Mitch or something. The weather’s gettin’ nice for it.”

I shifted, and so did she. Before long, we were spooning. “That sounds nice,” I told her, then gave her a little kiss on the shoulder.

“Yeah…” she trailed off, her voice getting higher and farther away. “Stuff is nice. I like stuff.”

I chuckled. “You sound high,” I observed. “You good?”

“I told you. It feels like a dream today. Whee and all that,” she replied. 

“Well then maybe this is a dream,” I teased. During our visits, she could surprise me with her moods, even if they seemed happy, but I learned that going with the flow led to her being happy and a slight decrease in her really bad episodes.

“Woah, my very own dream?” she joked along with me, even in her state. “A dream, just for me?”

“Yup, your very own dream, Nicole,” I agreed, spreading her arm out. “See? You can fly!”

“Wheeeeee, I’m flyyyyying…” she yes-anded, and we giggled together. “But yeah, I don’t have the brainpower to discuss Council stuff or give you advice today. Hope that’s alright, darlin’.”

“Oh totally alr-” I chuckled. “Darlin’? Okay, Nicole, did you hit your head or something?”

“Mmmm, nope,” she replied in a small, cute voice. 

“Are you Southern now?” I quizzed her jokingly.

“Yeehaw!” she replied, and we giggled again. “Nah, I’m trying new stuff. Maybe Dream Me is more honest.”

“Honest…?” I questioned her.

“Mhm,” she agreed, nodding, moving her body back to meet mine. “Y’see, I did a lot of thinkin’ today. That’s the upside to being in this room a lot. A lot of thinking.”

“Okay…” I trailed off. I waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. “Thinking about what?”

“Mmmmm… you,” she said cutely.

“Me?” I replied, half in faux shock, although there was a little actual shock in there. “What about me?”

She flipped over to look at me. Her blue eyes stared into mine. There was a smile on her face. “Adam,” she began. “We aren’t being honest with ourselves. What are we?”

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“Look at us, look at who we are, look at how often we’re around each other, look at what we do for each other,” she protested, as if her point was obvious. 

I stared back at her. “I don’t get it.”

“I love you.”

My jaw dropped, even if I was laying on the bed. Nicole never said that, ever, unless she was in the middle of sex. “Y-you…”

She laughed. “Don’t tell me now’s the time you stopped feeling the same way, dude,” she replied jokingly.

“No, no! Of course not! But… are you sure?” My heart beat out of my chest. Holy shit. This was it. The culmination of everything. Even the time she agreed to be a couple wasn’t as huge as this. 

She slowly nodded, and bit her lip. “I mean, let’s be honest… we knew we felt this way about each other for so long, didn’t we?”

“Y-yeah…” I practically breathed. This was heaven. The moment. Nicole was going to get better. We could be together. She was healing, she was able to feel love. This was it. “I’ve… n-never heard you say…”

Nicole smiled and put her finger to my lips. “I know, silly.” She replaced her finger with her own lips, and gave me a slow albeit tame kiss. “I know.” She sat back up, facing the ceiling. “But I had the clearest thoughts in the world today and I knew. I just knew.”

“So… I know I shouldn’t get hung up on labels, but are w-we-”

“Soulmates, as far as I can fuckin’ tell,” she admitted to the ceiling. “Hell, if we were out of high school, I may as well ask to fuckin’ marry you, dude.” 

I chuckled at her comment but still felt my heart soar. “Don’t say that, even as a joke.”

“You think I’m joking?” she asked, shifting to look at me. She broke out into a smile. “It’s probably good that we’re not, though. That’s not the kinda thing you should just jump into. But hey, if you think about it, we gave it two years. What’s two more? Once you graduate, if we feel the same way…”

I laughed, then kissed her again. “Why don’t we… I can’t believe I’m the one saying this, but why don’t we just live for now and make important decisions like that when we’re there?” I rolled on top of her, and kissed her.

She looked into my eyes, and giggled. “Ha… okay…” she said shyly. We kissed again. I couldn’t believe it. 

“I still can’t believe you said it,” I remarked.

“What, that I love you?” Nicole teased. “Well, I love you. I love you. Oh no, Adam Watson, I love you. In fact, I’m in love with you. Oopsie!” We giggled again. “So yeah. I might need to trade in ‘squirt’ or ‘hotshot’ or ‘dude’ for ‘darling’ and ‘sweetheart’ and, mmmm, ‘love of my life.’ Whaddya say?”

I got up off of her and pretended to mull it over. Then I actually thought about it. “Why not both? I gotta admit, at this point, every time you call me ‘squirt’ it’s just… comforting. Like I’m home.”

Nicole’s face reacted to what I said, as if for a second she could have cried. “Oh my God, that’s the sweetest fucking thing,” she admitted, sitting up on the bed. “Okay, hotshot. Love. Squirt. Darling. Do you think we could try again? Only this time, I’mma be… honest. About how I feel. About you. Y’know. Loving you.”

I shook my head, getting up off the bed. “You’re right, today does feel surreal.”

“Yeah, told you, see?” she joked, getting up as well. We enveloped each other in an embrace. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I feel shitty for making you wait.”

I chuckled. “I just assumed it would never happen,” I told her honestly.

“And… what, you just came here to check up on me every day anyways?” she asked, breaking off the hug.

“Yup,” I told her honestly. “I wanted to. You’re worth it.”

She shook her head. “Gah,” she nearly cackled, looking away at the wall. “My heart is beating so fuckin’ fast right now.”

“Ha, mine too,” I admitted.

“Maybe this is just mania,” she admitted, then saw my glance. She held out her hand to me. “No, like, everything I just said wasn’t mania. I mean it. Every word. I promise. I love you. I’ll keep loving you tomorrow. No take backsies. I just meant maybe my heart is racing because of mania, that’s all.”

I nodded. “I get it. Is it too much?”

“It sure is a lot for one night,” she realized, and I nodded in agreement. “Okay, maybe we should sleep on this and talk about it tomorrow. Is that… okay, or…?”

I nodded, then grimaced. “I’m just kinda scared that I’m dreaming this, or it’s all gonna go back to normal tomorrow.”

Nicole looked at me, then closed the gap between us and kissed me again. “Nope. It’s real. I love you. And I won’t stop.” She stepped back and smiled. “Talk to you soon?”

“Fucking count on it,” I promised her. “Did you want me to do anything, or…?”

She shook her head. “After school tomorrow. Gimme more time to think. And hey, think yourself. This isn’t a one-sided thing, you know.”

I laughed. “Trust me, I know,” I promised her.

“Bye, Adam. Love you,” she said, tenderly.

“Bye, Nicole. I love you, so much,” I replied. She smiled in this really big, really happy way, in a way I’d never seen from Nicole. I thought my heart could melt in that moment. It was almost painful to walk out of the room and close the door, but somehow, I did it. 

I practically flew down the stairs, feeling like a floating cartoon character having the best day of their life. I merrily wished Nicole’s parents a good night and walked to the door, nearly forgetting my shoes in my state of bliss. I practically danced back to my house, and felt so good that as soon as I made it home, I offered to help my parents make dinner.

It was a fantastic night, but it couldn’t have been anything but fantastic. I had received the best news in the world. I’m sure my big ol’ smile was visible to my parents the whole time, but it was only as we sat down and started to eat that Mom finally pried.

“So what’s that smile all about?” she inquired.

My smile only got bigger. “I, uh, received some really good news today.”

“Really good news?” Dad repeated.

I nodded. “The best of my life, I think,” I replied eagerly.

“Well, it’s a little soon to tell, don’t you think?” he quipped.

“Now, Timothy, if he’s happy, don’t sully it!” Mom told him. “Congratulations, sweetie! Anything you want to share?”

I thought about it. As much as I hated to admit it, Nicole was Nicole. There was a 1% chance she’d revert tomorrow and admit she had no idea why she said that. Though, honestly, that would still be a win. She said it. Clearly, she’d been thinking about it. Even if she walked it back, I could totally live knowing that was how she felt about me, even if it was below the surface. Still, she did say we’d talk about it tomorrow. I wanted to play it safe. “Not tonight,” I admitted. If all goes well, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Ooh, a cliffhanger!” Dad marveled. “Well, every nosy parent loves those.”

Mom gave him a look, and we continued to eat. The food tasted delicious. Life was delicious. I was still so elated. I never thought I would get that second chance and here it was. The conversation was happening. 

It took me until after supper was decisively over to realize that if the conversation was happening, I needed to prepare adequately. First things first, I had to text Athena. Call things off. I was not letting my hormones with Athena get between Nicole and myself twice, that was for damn sure.

I reached into my pocket… nothing. Then my other pocket. All of my pockets. I frowned. I searched my bag… nothing. Great. Of course something had to ruin the mood. I lost my damn phone.

I searched my memories, trying to recall when I last had it. I texted Nicole to say I was arriving… oh, and then I checked my phone at the door. My phone was at Nicole’s house. Oops.

Well, at least it was closeby. I mulled over my possibilities. I did want to give Nicole time and space to think things over… would it have made things weird to come back…? Nah, probably not. Plus, I was a teenage boy. I wanted my phone. 

Steeling myself for whatever speech the… ha… love of my life would give me, I told my parents I forgot my phone at Nicole’s and was going to pick it up, then left the house. It was dark by now, but it wasn’t like I was going to get lost on the way to one of the neighbors’.

I knocked on the door, and a less-pleased-than-usual Mrs. Baker answered. “Hello, Adam,” she greeted me.

“Hi, sorry,” I began. “I think I left my phone in Nicole’s room. Mind if I go and get it?”

She rolled her eyes. “Be quick,” she told me, and opened the door. I smiled and rushed through, hoping her parents wouldn’t mind if I kept my shoes on just this once. It wasn’t even muddy outside.

I knocked on Nicole’s room. “Yo, sorry for making this weird, I think I forgot my phone,” I told her through the door. No response. 

…

A chill ran through me. 

“Nicole?” I asked. My heart beat raised. What if the door was… 

Slowly, I grasped the doorknob, and turned, waiting to feel resistance. I felt none, and relief washed over me. Okay. She didn’t lock the door. That was a good sign, at least. She never did anything stupid without locking the door. But then why didn’t she…?

I opened the door and looked around. A second wave of relief washed over me as I saw the open window. She went for a walk. God, why the fuck was I so paranoid? I shrugged to myself and began looking around her room, trying to remember where in her room I may have been. No phone. 

I sighed out loud, giving her room another scan. It definitely wasn’t here. I exited the room, opting not to tell Nicole’s parents about the fact that her daughter was sneaking out, and tried to eye the floor as I passed them, walking back towards the exit. 

No luck. No luck in the foyer either. My phone was just… unaccounted for. I thought to myself for a bit, then decided to catch up with Nicole. Either she had my phone for some reason (a bratty prankster like her? I wouldn’t put it past her), or she could at least call my phone when we returned. 

I quickly started to powerwalk towards the cemetery – she said she liked visiting Mitch, after all – all while occasionally calling out, “Nicole!” but only once I was out of earshot of her parents’ place. I didn’t want them catching wind, after all.

I didn’t find her the entire journey there, but I still had other options. The more time I went without her, the more I worried for her being alone in the dark while in some kind of state of surreal mania. Not the smartest thing to do, but I don’t imagine surreal mania is a state famous for making smart choices. 

I caught up to the grave, looking it over. No Nicole. Weird. Weird and… like, she was fine, but I was starting to worry a little bit more. She wasn’t in her usual places. Unless…

I glanced at the church, and shrugged. I’d call her name out in there, and if she wasn’t there, I’d go back to her place and see if she was home. Then, and only then, I promised to myself, I’d allow myself to feel full-blown worry. For now, it was just concern. 

I walked into the church. “Nicole?” I whisper-called, then realized, who the fuck else would be in here? “Nicole?” I called out with my full voice. No response. I started to walk out, then figured I’d be thorough, see if she decided to go to the second floor and have one of her moods. I turned towards the staircase.

…

The staircase was blocked. Large hunks of broken wood covered the staircase from floor to top. It… it was blocked. I stared at it, trying to make sense of it in the dark. I stuck my hand out in front of me. Nothing moved easily, and the pointiness of some of the pieces prevented me from pushing too hard. 

…

Why would someone do this? What was…

…

“Nicole,” I found myself calling, in a new voice. A voice I didn’t recognize. “Nicole, are you up there?”

No response.

I stuck my hand out again, in front of me, and began to break off some of the wooden pieces. Anything I could tear away, I began to throw to the floor. Even if occasionally I got pricked by a sharp piece, I kept going. I cleared the way enough to get to the first step, not caring about how much noise I made.

“Don’t come up here.”

…

It was Nicole’s voice, from the second floor. It had that dreamy, faraway feel, but… weirder. Airy. Almost melodic, but in a wrong way. I couldn’t see her at all, but it was unmistakable her voice.

My blood ran cold. I shivered. “Nicole?” I asked desperately. “Nicole, what’s going on?”

“Adam,” she called out, in a weak, small voice. It was like she was trying to shout but this was all that could come out. “Please. Don’t come up here. Please don’t, Adam.”

My pulse began to beat in my ears. “Nicole, what the fuck is going on? What did you do?”

“I… oh, Adam, you’d never forgive me… Please…” 

“I’d forgive you, Nicole, I’d forgive you always,” I babbled. I kept clearing wood pieces with renewed vigor, not caring how it affected my hands. “What’s going on? Talk to me!!”

“I’ve been… stupid…” her weak voice told me. 

…

“I went… too far…”

…

“I… heh… even took biology, so I should know…”

…

I thrust pieces out of my way, with both hands, one after another. “Biology, what?! Speak English Nicole, what the fuck are you talking about?!”

“It’s not just… veins in there… it’s… t-tendons too. I… I c-can’t move my hand, Adam.”

…

I froze. I couldn’t find words. I wanted to yell. I wanted to keep moving. My heart was made of lead. In my frozen state, I realized something. She didn’t just dump a bunch of wood pieces… she destroyed the steps. Beyond two steps, there was no more staircase. No way up.

“I was so… so stupid…”

My mouth was dry. It was impossible to swallow. I just remained there and breathed. Eventually, I gathered up every ounce of strength in me and spoke. “Hey,” I said in a voice barely above a whisper. “You’re gonna… be okay. We need to… help you…”

“I meant what I said…” she continued, in a fading voice. “I meant it. I love you, Adam, so much…”

“I love… you too…” I continued, almost in a trance. 

“I think my hand… is f-fucked, Adam…” her voice said, each word getting just the slightest bit quieter. “I just… couldn’t… stop… you forgive me… right?”

I breathed in and out. Each inhale was like a fire. A poison. Death. Only in my silence did I notice, for the first time, the faintest drip, drip, drip from the ceiling planks. The second floor. Dripping onto the ground. 

“I…” forgive you, Nicole. I forgive… “I need to get up there, Nicole. Please.”

“No…” she said, almost dreamily. “No, A’am, it’s okay… please…”

“I… I n-need to get up there. I need to call somebody. Nicole, we’re gonna…”

“How… will… you… do… that.. with… no… phone…” Nicole’s voice asked, almost drunkenly, trying to form each word. 

My legs gave out. I didn’t even feel the impact as I fell to the floor. I think I was screaming, but I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t hear the crickets outside. I couldn’t hear the wind. The only thing I could hear was the drip, drip, drip. 

“‘s too late, A’am…” Nicole told me. “I… hur’… you… toooooo much… bu’ ‘s okeeee, because I can’ hur’ you aaany more.”

I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t control my breathing enough to respond. Nicole needed help. She needed me to… to get up there. To get up there, or get a phone… and call 911. Yes, yes, that was what I needed to do. 

I held my breath for a second, and then exhaled. Feeling as weak as a newborn kitten, I rolled into a better position and began to stand back up, willing energy back into my legs.

“Aaaaa’ammm…” Nicole’s voice slurred from above. “A’loooooove yooooou…”

With a prolonged grunt, I stood up. As soon as I was fully up, it was like all of my energy flooded back into me at once. “No,” I told her. “No. I’m going to get you help, Nicole. We are going to fucking live through this. Do you hear me?! I am going to fucking save you!”

She didn’t respond. I didn’t need her to. I ran out, running faster than I ever ran in my life, screaming for help at the top of my lungs. I was going to find someone. I was going to call 911. I was going to save Nicole. 

I was going to save Nicole.

---

This story featured a character going through something no human being should have to go through. Some readers may understand some of these themes, but deep down we know that this isn’t the answer we have to give in to. There is always help and always a reason to keep living. If you are ever feeling like you need to give in to the darkness, please, reach out to someone you love and trust.

If you live in North America, the Suicide Crisis Hotline is 9-8-8. If you need to, call 9-1-1 to respond to an emergency. Pain is understandable, and very human. It does not mean the end. There is happiness and novelty yet to be experienced in life, and you deserve to experience it too. If you’ve read this far, do me a favor: contact someone you love, and tell them you love them. Think of a happy memory. Intense stories give us thrills, but your well-being is the most important thing. Be well, and remain well.

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