I’m sorry for the radio silence on my end. Longtime readers have been here before, but it doesn’t mean it’s any less annoying. I super appreciate those that made contact with me via comments emails or messages, even if it was to remind me of my duty. I appreciate the contact and the accountability in equal measures. That said, a big shout-out goes to the empathetic soul that emailed me telling me they knew I’d be back and that they didn’t need a reply before then. It’s heartwarming to know I don’t really have fans as much as I have peers and equals that see me as a person first.

Still, is the absence a good thing, given I have a Patreon that tries to put out monthly stories? Not really. A new story has been posted recently – Final Answer Chapter 9 is here – but is its arrival punctual? Not really. Is punctuality my strong suit? Not really.

Let’s go to the flipside of that coin. Is it reasonable for me, someone who can easily succumb to mental issues and hide away for periods of time, to expect to always have a new story out every month like clockwork? Not really. Some periods in my life are easier than others, but consistency isn’t about how consistent things are during the best of times. The true test always will be how consistent one is during their worst times. But is that punctuality really necessary? Given how many YouTubers and bloggers and other online figures have Patreons and just release their content when they get it done, couldn’t I just follow suit there?

If you ask me? …Not really.

My friend that set up this website for me recently had a discussion with me on this. They really enjoy YouTube and video production, and pointed out how many well-known YouTubers have Patreons and can sometimes go silent for months as they produce a new highly-polished magnum opus. They recommended I follow a similar pattern, but a few details of that bug me.

Number one, I clearly have the ability to, when I’m doing well, produce a chapter a month. Heck, sometimes I can produce several pieces in a month. Number two, YouTubers exist on a platform saturated with similar content. I mostly post my stories to my own website, especially the stories that have details some other websites would frown upon. If your favorite YouTuber hasn’t given you an update recently, you can just go to another video and get updated via the same website when there’s an update. But if my whole website hasn’t updated in a while… I don’t blame someone for maybe losing hope or interest.

The keen among you may read this and wonder if burnout is a factor here, and truth be told, I don’t quite think that’s it. I haven’t overwritten lately. I don’t find myself disliking writing. I’m just a complicated person, no doubt very flawed in my own personal life, and when the going gets tough, it’s hard for me to pretend my own life isn’t a factor and write a sex scene dripping with need and desire. As an extra annoyance, my erotica is very feelings-based as opposed to physical. I think an erotica writer that is overcome with sadness is still able to describe a huge penis or sensitive nipples or something. But an over-emotional erotica writer that has gone through massive relationship troubles may find it harder to write a sex scene between a couple that thoroughly cares about each other, for reasons I don’t need to explain to you. You get it. Is that feasible for me? Not really.

But that said, I still want to keep writing with the goal of getting out a written work every month, if nothing else to give you all something to look forward to. Odds are one or two of you reading this haven’t had a good day, or week, or month, or year. Your feelings are important too, and if this is a form of escapism for you… well, I want to help. I want to share art with you. That makes me feel good.

You may notice that when I come to the end of a month empty-handed, I tend to go completely silent. Like a schoolkid who forgot to do their homework, I’d rather emerge several days late with everything done than show up with nothing. It’s a bad habit, but I don’t know what the better solution is. I worry that continuing to blog and just go “sucks to be you, no stories this week, but let me go on for a few paragraphs about dialogue” would add insult to injury. I may revise my opinions on this, but I think for now, I’d rather not overthink how I approach my writing and just… write. It’s kind of funny – after 10+ years writing erotica, do I have even a clue what I’m doing?

Not really.

I’ll talk to you all next week.