In the Last Chapter…
Adam tells Megan about his breakup, and the two talk about their impressions of Nicole. Adam finishes the first semester at school and does his finals, all while continuing his duties as student council VP, and he and Nicole still talk, even though they’re awkward about it. After his Spanish final, Adam catches up with Sabrina and the two go back to her place and have sex. Afterwards, Nicole calls Sabrina and asks her if she’s seen Adam.
Even after the ride home, Nicole hadn’t responded to my text. I was actually kind of grateful Sabrina was along for the ride, given it was clear being in a car alone with her overprotective dad would have been awkward as fuck otherwise. He said very little, but it was clear that he disapproved of me, and to be blunt, it was clear he disapproved of me because I was a boy. The fact I couldn’t change that almost made it easier to handle.
After I said goodbye, I headed in. Dad was home early, looking at something at the table, while Mom was in the living room reading. Dad noticed me first.
“Hey, champ,” he said flatly, Dad’s usual tone. “How was the Spanish final?”
I grunted. “I’m still terrible at it,” I confessed. “I, uh, tried my hardest, but you might get, like, a bad note from the school or something. Just giving you the heads-up.”
“What is this, the fifties?” Dad quipped. “Are they going to send me a note telling me to spank you?” He looked back at his papers and his eyes danced. “Because I ignored the last three notes from your school telling me to.”
“Hilarious,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
“Sweetie, didn’t you study for it?” Mom asked, now involved in this conversation.
I sat down at the table and shrugged. “Not as much as I should have,” I admitted, then preemptively added, “I know, I know.”
“If ‘you know, you know,’ then maybe you should spend some more time studying for tomorrow’s final,” Dad chimed in. “What is it, English?”
“Yup,” I replied with a nod. “It’s my strongest subject though, and it’s hard to study when a lot of it is knowing how to write a good essay.”
“Is all of it that?” Mom quizzed me.
I gave her a grimace-smile as she walked into the kitchen. “No, and I will be studying for the other parts,” I replied diligently as she smiled and gave me a kiss on top of my head. “I promise.”
“As long as you promise,” Dad said with a nod, never looking up from what he was doing. “I’d say ‘no video games until you finish,’ but you only seem to play them when Nicole’s around. I can’t tell if we raised you really well or completely failed.”
I laughed at that one. “Well, my vote says you raised me well.”
Dad looked at me, then waved a hand dismissively. “Enh, you’re biased.”
I still hadn’t told them about Nicole. I wasn’t great about these things, but sooner or later they were going to ask questions. I needed to rip the band-aid off sooner than later. “Oh, and by the way, uh, don’t make a big deal out of it, but Nicole and I aren’t a thing anymore.”
Mom immediately reacted. “Oh no, my poor boy!!” she wailed, walking back over to me. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“Mom, do you remember the first part of my sentence?” I joked weakly.
“We heard you, we just didn’t obey you,” Dad noted dryly.
“Well, you did,” I pointed out.
Dad looked up from his papers. “Dear God, you’re right,” he said over-emotionally, his face remaining flat. “Why aren’t I screaming and crying like I always do?”
“Timothy, stop making this about you!” Mom admonished him. “This is very sad news!”
“No no, I don’t mind,” I stepped in. “Genuinely, I don’t want to make this a big deal. I was sad for the first bit, but-”
Oops. “So this happened before today?” Mom asked, her tone only escalating.
I rubbed at my nose with my thumb and forefinger, my face scrunching up. “Uh, yeah,” I managed. “I was just feeling a lot, and I, uh… Look, I’ll talk about it some other day, but I wanna just… live right now, alright?”
Mom wasn’t great at letting things go (and it was nice to know I got that from somebody) but she seemed to accept that with grace. There was a lull in the conversation before Dad awkwardly asked me if I’d like anything in particular for dinner. After answering, I went up to my room, feeling like studying was actually the superior option there.
I sighed as soon as I closed my door, though when I took out my phone, I was immediately hit with a few texts from Sabrina. I smiled and began to text her back. I totally misjudged her; not only was she really cool, but she actually understood me, in ways people seemed never to do.
I glanced out my window and frowned. Nah, not people. Nicole. In ways Nicole never did. I turned back, having my phone in front of me but resolving to study in between texting Sabrina. We talked about everything: Yearbook, movies, music, favorite colors, boxing club, what we’re wearing, how good it would be to be inside her again…
Yeah, oops. Studying very quickly turned into jacking off on my bed and sending Sabrina pictures of my dick (making sure beforehand she wanted them, of course). Sabrina responded in kind, definitely lacking photographic skill but making up for it in eagerness and… this exciting sense that she hadn’t really done stuff like this before. She definitely had boyfriends and stuff, and maybe even friends with benefits, but when I sent her the first nude, she went haywire, like she’d never even seen a cock before or something. It was really fun sending her a nude making my cock seem really big, and then seeing her text back in all caps about how badly she wanted to suck on me. It made me throb with excitement, knowing I’d be inside her again really soon.
Right as we were winding down, my phone rang, startling me so much I nearly dropped it. Nicole’s name showed up on screen, making me more… nervous than anything. Still, I answered the phone after clearing my throat, pretending I wasn’t naked and still hard.
“Hello?”
“Hey dude! Sorry to startle ya. I just figured calling you would be easier than texting,” Nicole replied, slightly out of breath.
I didn’t know what to say to that. Why was she sounding like she had just been doing something not-safe-for-work herself…? “Um, okay? Am I in trouble or something?”
Nicole giggled into the phone. “Fuck no,” she replied. “It was just karate today, and I wanted to offer you a ride, though it’s kind of late for it now. Just ended.”
Oh. I guess that explained a lot. “You were going to offer me a ride?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah. It’s a big walk from school if you even brought your gi, and I sure don’t bring my gi to school. Anyway, offer’s open for Friday, even if there’s no school.”
My tongue ran over my teeth. I guess I hadn’t accounted for this. It was weird hearing her talk like it was inherently true I’d keep coming to karate with her or something. “Isn’t it weird given…”
“Nope,” she said flatly. “Because we agreed not to make it weird. So this is me not making it weird. I’m offering you a lift, dummy.” Her voice was gentle even as she said that. “Am I picking you up or are you finding your own ride?”
“Uh, to be honest,” I replied slowly, only making up my mind as I talked, “I might be taking a break from karate for a little bit. You know, maybe try other things, see if it’s really my speed. I might pick it back up again but I might not, you know?”
“Oh,” Nicole said simply, pausing for a long time. “Alright then.”
“I appreciate the offer though,” I added. “And maybe I’ll – I – if I decide to come back, you’ll be the first person I tell.”
“Whatever, dude,” she said casually. “It’s your life. My bad for butting in.”
“No no, I’m sorry for not telling you,” I replied. “But… why did you text Sabrina first and not me?”
“I didn’t text her, I called,” Nicole corrected me pointlessly. I smiled to myself. I didn’t actually intentionally make that error, but now it really seemed like Sabrina and I weren’t hanging out. “I dunno. You weren’t hanging around the school, she didn’t show up for yearbook today, I figured you two were hanging out or something. Just trying to be efficient.”
“…It’s not more efficient to call me if you needed to ask me something?” I asked, not getting it.
“Look, I – this seems like we’re arguing, so tell you what: yeah, I should have called you. I’ll be honest, I only made the connection between her and you and then thought about driving you to karate, alright? So that was my thought process. It was dumb, but I wasn’t firing on all cylinders today. It’s been a long one. Is that good enough for ya?”
“Alright alright, I’m sorry,” I admitted. I couldn’t tell if she was lying or truthful, but I probably wouldn’t have gotten anything out of trying to figure it out. “Well, thanks again for the offer. Will it be open if I decide to start coming to karate again?”
“Ask me when it happens and find out, I guess,” Nicole offered.
“Sounds good. Talk to you later.”
“See ya next week.” Nicole hung up first.
That was odd for way too many reasons. Immediately, I went back to texting Sabrina. I definitely left her high and dry, but once I texted her why, she’d understand. My fingers flew as I explained everything, and refreshingly, she never once told me I was overthinking. She only replied with fascination. She was my kind of girl. What a recipe for disaster.
***
As I predicted, I did perfectly fine with my English final. The few days after that were filled with a well-deserved break, even with Sabrina and I texting each other a good six hours of the day, and another tournament with Carson and Megan, with this one being Goldeneye. These two seemed to grow up with games like this, but to me, it was a bunch of really sihtty-looking 3D models running around some dude’s first-time 3D environment project.
“And that’s the game,” Megan announced flatly.
“What?” Carson asked with a puzzled face. “The match isn’t-”
On cue, his character died and the screen showed the final scores. I didn’t even bother playing this round, even though the game could support up to four people. I hadn’t managed to get a single kill for the last three games.
Carson gave Megan a death glare. “I need Pepsi,” he grumpily said, standing up and going to the kitchen. “Adam, Megan, tell me what you want.”
“Water, please,” Megan politely said.
“Uh, yeah, I’ll take a water,” I added, checking my phone and grimacing.
Two text messages from Athena. That couldn’t be good. Megan peered over my shoulder and saw the screen, then looked back at me with a slight smile on her face. “Open ‘em,” she murmured, and I gave her a look. “It’s nothing I don’t know.”
I rolled my eyes and opened the messages, seeing both of them pop up on my screen.
Hey! long time no talk! How u been!
…hello?
Even Megan grimaced. The messages were only seventeen minutes apart. “Yeah, have fun,” she eventually said with a slight laugh. Figuring leaving it unanswered would cause more problems, I responded.
Hey! Sorry, I was hanging out with Carson and Megan. Still am, so I can’t respond immediately. I’ve been good, yourself?
Honestly, I was kinda proud of that. Communicative and diplomatic. I showed the text to Megan, who mimed a golf clap and nodded approvingly. With that, I shut off my phone as Carson returned. “Ready for next semester, Carson?” I asked.
“Enh,” he replied simply, setting our waters down in front of us before laying back in his recliner with his Dr. Pepper. Guess they were out of Pepsi. “Same shit, different classes, you know?”
“It sucks we don’t have any classes together,” Megan added.
Carson rolled his eyes and cracked his can open. “Yeah, that’s what happens when you take fuckin’ drama of all classes.” He downed a hefty gulp of his drink.
“You’re the one who convinced him to take business,” Megan argued.
“And I stand by it. Everyone should take business. I tried to tell you too-”
“I remember,” Megan replied with an annoyed chuckle. “We both have English, so that’s nice.”
“‘Nice,’” Carson replied with air-quotes. “We got fuckin’ Jefferson. Have you heard the fuckin’ horror stories that guy has?”
The two kept arguing as the phone in my pocket buzzed. For the moment, I ignored it. Listening to these two arguing was more peaceful.
***
It was almost weird getting to sit in the audience during an assembly, but only Nicole was needed to rep the Council. Mr. Scott was there to say a few words to welcome everyone to the new semester, and by the time a sweat began to form on his brow, I could tell he was going to call Nicole forward.
“…And, of course, the Student Council has been working closely with me to ensure this new semester is a memorable and productive one, so everyone put your hands together for Nicole Baker!”
Nicole went through periods where she was more and less liked by the student body, and judging by the roars, she was enjoying a surge of popularity. She bit her lower lip in happiness as she raised her hands and slowly lowered them over and over, trying to calm down the crowd.
“Thank you, thank y- alright, jeez! I get it!” she laughed as the cheering died down. “Wow. It’s safe to assume you all really enjoyed that new microwave, huh?”
Slight laughter rippled through the crowd. A school fundraiser from last semester pulled through and the Council got to buy a new microwave for the caf. The students completely worshiped the thing. If they could have made it a national heritage site, they would have.
“So, a big ‘congrats’ goes out to all of you for finishing semester number one, but that was just level one. Level two is comin’ atcha, and comin’ atcha fast,” Nicole continued, nearly gripping the podium as she looked out at the crowd. It really was inspiring just how much passion the girl had. Like, on some level I wanted to be mad at her, but on another… She was still Nicole. It didn’t help that she was still unquestionably the hottest girl at school. The way her black hair fell to her shoulders, the playful yet powerful stare contained in her blue eyes, and this almost sounded silly, but her eyebrows. She was so emotive, like everything was the most important thing ever. When she smiled, Nicole fuckin’ smiled. no one else even came close.
I sighed. I was still in love with Nicole. I was upset about what she did, but I wasn’t going to lie to myself. Even just seeing her felt… comfortable. I could look next to me and lock eyes with Sabrina, and even smile at her and get a meaningful smile back, but I knew nothing was coming close. It was nice that Sabrina understood that, and understood my boundaries a little better than some others, but still. Sabrina and I, even though we were starting to get along better, were fuck buddies. Nicole and I had history.
“…for the rest of the year,” Nicole finished her sentence as I zoned back in. She bit her lower lip in excitement. “So, what do you say? Are we just some kids, or are we Hazelwood f- High?”
The students cheered, even as Nicole made a slight nervous wince. She clearly only just stopped herself from swearing. “Alright then, let’s see what we make of ourselves this semester. Something tells me it’s gonna be the biggest one yet. Get out there, try new things, do your best… maybe set some hearts on fire?”
I paused. Hearing Nicole say that was weird. Even after she chanted, “Ductus exemplo!” and everyone cheered and clapped, I was frozen in place. Nicole definitely set my heart on fire… although I guess I wasn’t exactly innocent of that myself. Nicole sauntered off-stage as Mr. Scott took to the podium and announced a few things before we went to our first-period classes. I only remained there and breathed.
***
All of us sat in the auditorium seats murmuring until we heard the door open behind us. No one had to look back to know who it was. With power and grace, Mr. Salvador walked up the auditorium wings and sat down on the edge of the stage.
“Hello,” he greeted us with a simple tone. “Welcome to grade ten drama class. How many of you are taking drama for the first time?”
A few hands rose out of the crowd. I looked around. A good number of the students’ hands were easily recognizable, though one of them wasn’t from past drama classes.
Salvador noticed too, and stared at the anomaly, pointing to her. “You,” he said simply. “Is this not your first time taking drama here? I don’t recognize you.”
A pause rippled through the auditorium. “…Me?” Zelda’s voice asked.
“Yes, you,” Salvador gently yet powerfully insisted.
“I’ve taken drama class before, but not here,” she explained. “I’m an exchange student from Denmark. I took drama class there.”
“Denmark,” Savlador repeated, savoring the word. “Dejlig. I look forward to seeing what you can do in my class.”
“Oh, you speak Danish?” she asked in surprise.
“No, just a few words. That’s one of them,” Salvador answered, looking down at the clipboard he brought with him. “Anyways, for those of you who have never taken my class before, let’s go over a few ground rules. Number one, being early is on time, and being on time is late. As soon as the bell has rung, we’ve begun. Some teachers are fine with you coming in late and disrupting the flow of class, and I am not one of them. Number two, this class will be demanding on you, both physically and mentally. There are things you can do to prepare for this. The first is to dress appropriately. Loose t-shirts, et cetera. Do not come to class wearing jeans, you won’t be able to move well and you will get a bad mark.”
He paused, and looked over the crowd. He locked eyes with me for a second, before continuing. “On the mental side, do not forget that drama is a class that relies on your ability to create and sustain the scene. If you have problems with your fellow students, leave it at the door. If you’re having troubles in other classes, leave it at the door. You will push through it and if you do, you’ll make the best not only of your work but of yourself. Do I make myself clear?”
A chorus of timid “yes”s rang through the aud, although mine and a few others were confident. “Good,” Salvador replied. “Secondly, for anyone new to this class expecting us to be looking at Shakespeare plays and analyzing scripts, take your expectations and burn them. In this class, we’ll be learning how to use drama to its maximum potential, and not sitting around looking at scripts. You learn drama by doing, not by looking.” He adjusted the small glasses sitting on his face and glanced again at his clipboard. “With all that in mind, could I please have a volunteer? Someone, perhaps, who took my classes last year?”
I, as well as a few of the usual suspects from last year – I recognized Callum and Hannah – raised their hands. Salvador surveyed the hands in the crowd. He furrowed his brow. “I said someone who took my classes last year,” he said, pointing to a student. “Why did you raise your hand?”
“Um…” A male student awkwardly fumbled. “W-well, you said ‘perhaps.’”
Salvador stared at him for a bit. “Someone who took my class last year,” he reaffirmed, looking around, eventually settling on me. “Adam. On stage, please.”
I quickly got out of my seat and shuffled past some other students, and nearly jumped up on stage before hesitating, then taking off my shoes. Salvador nodded as he saw me take them off. “Ah, yes. Number three, no shoes on stage. Shoes and socks will be taken off.” This rule caused the most murmurings. He got up off stage and joined the students in the audience seats as I walked to the center of the stage. “Now, Adam, could you please tell us what drama means to you? You can take up to two minutes, but you can take as little as you want.”
I nodded, and cleared my throat. “Well-”
Salvador held his hand up and closed it, signaling for me to stop. “No speaking, please,” he instructed me.
Right. Of course. It was Salvador. Feeling my heart beating faster in front of everyone, I took a few clear breaths, and decided not to think about it too much. I just would do what came naturally to me.
I pointed to myself, then pointed past the auditorium doors with the same hand, keeping eye contact with the crowd. I lingered there for a second, then held my hands close to my chest and hunched up, like a turtle. I then pointed to myself, then to the stage, then stood in a wide stance, jutting my chest out. I took my pointing finger and made an arc to my left, then walked across the stage timidly. I walked back to center stage, and pointed in an arc to my right, and then walked confidently across the stage. I remained there, and then bowed, signaling I was done. One of two students awkwardly clapped once or twice, not knowing what to do with what I’d done.
“Good,” Salvador said, turning back to the other students. “What did Adam just say?” Of all people, Zelda raised her hand, and Salvador pointed to her. “Go ahead.”
“When Adam was in school before coming to drama class, he was shy and defensive,” Zelda began. “Once he was in drama class, he learned how to be confident.”
“So what does drama mean to him?” Salvador asked.
Zelda paused. “He learned how to be himself?” she asked.
“Don’t ask me, tell me.”
Zelda paused. “To Adam, drama is about learning how to be yourself.”
“Good, thank you,” he told her, turning back around. “You can sit down in the audience, Adam,” he told me. “Who’s next?”
I smiled as I walked back to my seat. This was definitely the Salvador I knew.
***
After the bell rang, Salvador gave us some announcements and then sat down on the edge of the stage, checking his clipboard. The rest of the students started gathering their things. I was already done and slumped my bag over my shoulder, and noticed Zelda. I shrugged to myself – what was the worst that could happen? – and approached her.
“You were, uh, exactly right,” I told her. “When you guessed what I was saying.”
She shrugged. “Well, you made it really clear, so, good job,” she awkwardly told me. “I guess I need to be more clear or something.”
“You did fine,” I soothed her, even though I knew she was one of three students where no one even bothered to guess what she was trying to say. “I just know what to look for with Salvador.”
She smiled cheekily. “Yeah, I kind of get a ‘teacher’s pet’ vibe from you,” she teased.
“Hey!” I protested, despite knowing it was true. Her smile only grew in response. “I mean, he is a good teacher.”
Zelda looked at me with shock. “Better than Kovacs?!” she asked with sheer surprise.
“Hey now, no one can keep our attention quite like Kovacs,” I joked back. “That was convincing, by the way. You’re going to do really well in drama if you can act like that.”
“We’ll see,” Zelda replied, putting her bag over her shoulder and starting to walk. I followed her. We exited the doors and she exhaled, then slowly turned to face me. “We should probably talk soon. I want to be your friend but I’m still mad at you.”
“Woah. Uh… direct,” I mumbled. She just kept walking. “Zelda, I had no way of knowing you two were… you know. How long are you going to hold this over me?”
“It just feels too weird,” she replied, the both of us reaching our lockers. “You ask me out, you keep asking for the key, you discover us, and now Megan isn’t talking to me.”
“Megan’s not talking to you because she’s scared of liking girls,” I said with a quiet tone. “That’s not my fault.”
“I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was mad at you,” Zelda replied.
I chuckled and threw up my arms. “Well, I’m the villain I guess,” I replied. “I want to be your friend too.”
“Do you still want to go out with me?” she asked.
“No, don’t worry, I’m over it,” I replied quickly.
She side-eyed me and actually smiled. “Adam,” she chided with a playful tone. “I’m a big girl. Don’t lie.”
I stared at her for a bit. “I thought you would have liked to hear that my intentions were honorable,” I admitted, then hastily added, “because they are. Like, yeah, okay, I’d go out with you if you asked, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you as a friend too. Can’t it be both, why can’t it be both?”
“It can be,” she admitted. “But it usually isn’t. With boys, passion is the sole desire, the one goal. Well, nice boys. With some boys, they just want one thing, and they’ll lie and cheat to get it.”
I shivered at the word ‘cheat.’ “That’s not me,” I immediately insisted.
“I believe you,” she replied. “Don’t be mad, but I’ve, um, talked to Sabrina. And Megan. I tried talking to Nicole, but she didn’t want to talk about you. The general consensus is that you’re a horndog, but…” She paused, and smiled again. “It’s never just sex. You seem to care about people as people.”
“Wait, you talked to the others?” I asked with heat in my tone. “About me? I didn’t even know you knew Sabrina.”
“You were the one who told me Megan’s a bad liar. I cornered her,” Zelda flatly replied. “She didn’t want to talk about us, but once I pivoted to talking about you, she gave it up instantly.”
“What?!”
“What, am I not using the word ‘pivoted’ correctly?”
“I dunno, probably, but I – wow…” I scratched the back of my head. Megan, I thought you were better than this. At least Nicole was polite… or she just didn’t want to be associated with me.
“Hey, if they didn’t talk to me, I would have thought you only wanted sex from me,” Zelda clarified. “So you should be grateful.”
“Yeah, weird thing, I’m not,” I spat angrily, whipping out my phone.
Zelda just watched, and calmly added, “They only had nice things to say about you, Adam. They just didn’t lie. Are you seriously going to get angry at them for that?”
I stopped typing, and looked at her. The buzzer for the next class went off while we were staring at each other. “I’m allowed to want some privacy, aren’t I?” I asked.
“You’re allowed to want it, yeah,” she admitted, then smiled. “I’m also allowed to ask people about you.”
“And yet you’re allowed to want to be my friend and be angry at me too?” I countered.
“I wouldn’t want to be your friend if they didn’t say what they said,” she answered. “Your friends like you, Adam. Isn’t that a good thing?”
I paused. “…And what do you want from me?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Patience?” she admitted. “Let’s be partners in drama class and stuff, then see if we work as friends again. Besides, Mr. Salvador said to leave our problems at the door. So let’s do that.” We paused again, and she added, “I’m going to be late.”
“Okay, let’s do that,” I caved. “I’m still gonna text Megan and Sabrina about this though. Are you and Megan…okay now?”
“About as good as you and Nicole,” Zelda gingerly replied.
It was like getting zapped by lightning. Zelda knew. I could only breathe and blink, looking at her. “Someone told you that too…?” I managed feebly.
“Nope.” Zelda flashed me a quick but empathetic smile. “I took cryptology, remember?” She took my hand in hers and held it for a second. “For the record, I’m sorry.”
I looked at her hand holding mine. I wanted to reply, but I just shook her hand from mine and walked away. I didn’t want to get on the verge of tears around her. It was only the first day of the new semester.
***
Health and Wellness was a bullshit class. Everyone knew it, probably even Mr. Wainright. Even though he came across as a friendly guy, the workload was a joke and the subject matter was eye-rollingly stupid. As long as you knew that exercise is good, too much chocolate is bad, and “drugs are bad, mmkay,” you passed. Just like with gym class, it was separated into an all-guy class, and every guy was probably as thrilled as I was to be there. Still, at least once the class was done, just like P.E., we’d never have to take a class like this again.
Chemistry class looked interesting, but if I found math hard this year, it was clear chemistry was going to be difficult too. Still, science was one of my best subjects last year, and plus, the teacher that made it all bearable for me, Mr. Carrozza, was back. He started the class by playing the hits: mispronouncing nearly everyone’s name during attendance, not remembering a single one of us from last year, and launching his class with a big speech about how all of our lessons were watered down and how “if this were a good proper institution, I daresay we would be experiencing chemistry from quite the different angle!”
Business class was definitely interesting. Not really because of the actual class – the class content was barebones at best. The first assignment was going to basically prove we knew how to type things on a computer. Carrozza would have had conniptions in this classroom. Plus, Mr. Keynes wasn’t what I would have called enthralling. Still, I was lucky enough to have Carson in this class, and…
“Well, what do you know,” Zelda’s voice dryly greeted me as I pulled out my textbook. “We’ll be seeing a lot of each other this semester, huh?” She didn’t wait for me to respond. “I was out of line in the hallway, wasn’t I?”
“No, I was just feeling a lot,” I admitted. “I still am. Carson’s going to want to sit next to me, just warning you.”
“Good,” she simply said, sitting down. As soon as Carson appeared in the doorway, a thousand emotions passed on his face. He clearly had made eye contact with Zelda, and now, he didn’t know what to do. After pausing for a while, he approached us.
“Hey buddy,” he said to me, then turned to Zelda. “So, you’re in business class, huh?”
“Seemed like the dyke thing to do,” Zelda replied with pure ice in her voice.
I think she imagined Carson would back down, but Carson was Carson. “Look, I said what I said because I was upset. I missed my friend. If you want to be a bitch about it, that’s your choice.”
“Carson,” I groaned.
“What? You seriously taking her fuckin’ side?”
“You called her – like – I think it’s a slur. I dunno, if someone should apologize here, I think it’s you, dude.”
Carson looked at me weirdly for a few seconds, then turned back to Zelda, sitting down next to us. “I’m sorry Megan likes boys and you don’t,” he said to her. “Maybe try going back to Holland or whatever. I don’t get what you want me to say.”
“It won’t work,” Zelda simply replied, taking out her notebook and writing something down. She was still mad but her tone indicated she was taking some sort of high road.
I was lost. “What won’t?”
“He wants me to change seats. He wants me to be upset and storm off, maybe even switch out of this class.”
“Nope. I don’t care. I genuinely don’t give a single shit,” Carson replied defiantly.
“I don’t even know if you actually hate lesbians,” Zelda continued. “I mean, I’m sure your internet search history is full of them, so hey, maybe it’s good to finally see one in real life.”
“Jesus,” Carson replied. “You know what? You ladies have your fuckin’ tea party.” With a huff, he got up, and went to another desk, decently far from us.
Zelda saw I was looking at him, then met my gaze and shrugged. “He never would have been okay with sitting next to me,” she calmly said as if it were obvious. “I’d say I’m sorry you’re dragged into this, but you did say it was wrong of him to say what he said.”
I didn’t say anything. I wanted to support Zelda, but a part of me also wanted to be Carson’s friend too. It sucked that doing both looked right now like an impossibility.
***
“It’s pandeering,” Zelda continued as we were at our lockers. “Or is it ‘pandering’…? It’s too easy. In Denmark, we’re actually treated like we’re mature. Americans make everything in the classroom a bit too easy.”
I was nodding along until I saw someone walking by. A certain someone who normally held a grace to her walk and a power over her the whole hallway. Nicole powerwalked by with a stressed expression, quickly disappearing into another hallway. I didn’t doubt she never saw me, but I saw her, and I knew her.
That wasn’t a “school is dumb” stressed. That was an “I’m not okay today” stressed. I looked back to my locker with a determined expression, and quickly shut it.
“Yeah, I agree,” I told Zelda in response to whatever she was saying. “Can we continue this over text? I don’t wanna miss my bus.”
“You got it,” Zelda casually said. “And thanks for… I dunno, today. It’s been nice talking to you.”
I smiled at her then quickly left for my bus. It had an annoying habit of leaving right before I thought it would, but luckily, I caught it just in time. The ride home would be a little long, but luckily, I could use that time well, texting Megan and Sabrina and asking them what was up with talking about my sex life to Zelda. The first person to respond was Megan.
if were talking abt that, lets talk abt it in person, ok?
I frowned, but accepted that. Sabrina replied soon after.
Wait, Im confused. am I not allowed 2 say we did stuff? she already knew about us
Zelda already knew I was doing stuff with Sabrina before Sabrina told her, huh? Well, either Nicole did spill the beans, or that was strike two for Megan. I texted Megan that we would talk next lunch and closed my eyes. At least this wasn’t bad drama. That bad drama was over.
My eyes shot open. Athena. I never texted Athena back. Quickly, I grabbed my phone again and texted her, and the two of us chatted the rest of the bus ride back. Not about anything in particular. If I had to guess, Athena was as nervous and hesitant to bring up sex as I was.
I got off one stop before mine on the bus ride home, just so I could be a little closer to a particular place. I had my gut instinct, and I was going to follow it. I didn’t even know if it was a good idea, but I followed it anyway. I walked along the sidewalk until I crossed a familiar-looking gate, nodded at a familiar-looking gravestone, and stopped at the door of a familiar-looking abandoned church.
I pulled out my phone and texted one last girl. The most important one.
Can I come up in the church with you?
I didn’t have to wait too long for Nicole to respond.
Either I’m getting too predictable, or you’ve been watching my house like a creep… Sure.
I quickly entered the church and walked up the steps. As they creaked, I heard Nicole gasp from the upper floor.
She chuckled nervously. “You scared the shit out of me,” she confessed as I ascended the stairs, with her popping into view. She was sitting in her usual spot, staring out the old window. “Of course you were already here, you goober.”
“I just wanted to talk, that’s all,” I replied, sitting down next to her.
“Did something bad happen?” she asked urgently, looking at me.
I shook my head.
“Council stuff?” she guessed again. I shook my head.
“Then… what?”
I shrugged. “You gave a really good speech today,” I told her. “I love how much you care about the students.”
She laughed. “You came up here to tell me I gave a good speech?” she asked with an eyebrow lowered.
I laughed with her, then paused. “No,” I finally admitted.
“No? Then…”
She paused, and so did I. She waited for a bit, then eventually looked out the window. “I’m just gonna sit here, okay?” she asked after a bit, with a quieter voice. “Just say whatever you need to say when you wanna say it. Sound good?”
“I don’t think I regret anything more than our last week together,” I said, then exhaled. “I think I felt invincible. Like I could do anything. Like I was king of the world. I felt, like… like it was my right to have fun on school property, or just live according to my life.”
Nicole wasn’t looking outside the window. She turned her sitting body to face me, but said nothing.
“I dunno. I feel like I just wanted to live freely, and independently, like I always see you doing. You just live according to your rules and do what you want, and I was jealous of that. I wanted to live like you did, and I didn’t even realize I was being a dick until it was too late.” I gripped the floor on either side of me for support. “I wanted to be like you. I think I did it wrong. I’m… really sorry. I’m so sorry, Nicole.”
Nicole looked at me, her expression softening. “Do you want me to say anything?”
“Only if you want to,” I admitted in a small voice. “You can already guess how I feel. I’m just sorry I was a selfish dick.”
Nicole nodded, and turned her head to look out the window again. She looked back at me. “So, you wanted to live like me, huh?” I nodded, and she chuckled. “It’s not really all that glamorous, you know.”
“I know. I can’t imagine what you go through with the attacks and stuff,” I admitted.
She shook her head. “Not what I meant.” She paused, and stood up, pacing a few times. “You said, just now, you wanted to live like me, and you think you did it wrong because you were just being a selfish asshole.” She shook her head. “Sounds like you emulated me right down to a tee, squirt.”
As stupid as it was, hearing her call me ‘squirt’ again filled my heart with so much joy, but I needed to not focus on that. “What?”
“I’m selfish too, dude. Why do you think I’m always telling you to break up with me?”
“…Because, at least the last time, you told me you hadn’t felt anything for a long time.”
“Hey,” she said, looking sad. “I never said a long time, did I? I don’t think I did.” She sat down next to me again. “I said a lot of things in the car, because I was pissed. Though, no offense, you deserved to hear a good amount of that.” I nodded, and she chuckled. “Don’t agree with me, idiot. Push back.”
“But I did deserve to hear it! I deserved to hear all of it!” I protested.
Nicole’s gaze got more concentrated. She sat back down, punched me in the arm and looked away, scoffing. “You scare me sometimes,” she admitted in the most true voice I’d ever heard. “Adam, nobody ever deserves to hear some of the shit I say. I dunno how you see me, I dunno how your friends see me, but I’m not this delusional narcissist. I see everything I do too, and I hate it.” She looked back at me, tears in her eyes. “There’s nothing you could do to me that warrants me threatening to self-harm in front of you, Adam. I’m sick. I’m just sick.”
“I know you’re sick! So that’s okay!”
She rolled her eyes angrily, looking back at me. A tear rolled down her cheek. “No, you idiot. Just because I can’t control it doesn’t mean you deserve it, or that it’s okay. For most of our relationship, I wanted to break up with you purely because I’m scared that I can say the most abusive stuff to you, and you’ll just come back like an obedient puppy. And yes, abusive. Threatening to traumatize you is just abuse. The fact I’m sick doesn’t change that. I can’t be with anyone right now.” Another tear, from the other eye, rolled down her cheek. “Adam, look at us. You cheated on me after I explicitly told you we were monogamous. I threatened to cut myself. I traumatize you on like a daily basis. Do you seriously think we’re good for each other?”
I sat for a bit. “Your allergy to chocolate is getting worse, huh?” I asked her quietly.
“What?” she asked, baffled, before clarity spilled across her face. “Oh my God, dude,” she chuckled once she realized I was referencing her metaphor from last year. “Good memory. Well, yeah. We’re bad for each other. I feel like you wouldn’t have cheated if you hadn’t met me.”
“I cheated on Megan last year with May,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, after you met me,” she simply replied. “Like, yeah, you make your own choices, but I make you worse, and-”
“And I make you worse?” I asked.
She didn’t answer for a bit. “Knowing I’m making you worse makes me worse,” she finally replied.
I laughed, despite the sadness clouding over the room. “That just sounds like I’m this perfect little guy with no free will and only you are the one making bad decisions here.” I looked at the floor. “I can’t even properly defend my friend after Carson called her a dyke.”
“Carson called Megan a dyke??” Nicole asked in surprise.
“No, he called Zelda a dyke,” I admitted. “Zelda called me out for it. She said I should have supported her, and she’s right. I just wanna make everyone happy.”
“Ha. That sounds like you,” Nicole admitted.
“Okay, I will admit, the way you bounce from being really aggressive to really nice to me is definitely weird,” I admitted out of nowhere.
“I bet that’s an abuse tactic too,” Nicole thought out loud. “It’s never intentional, by the way. Never. I just don’t know how to control my anger. It’s funny, people think people with depression are just sad recluses who will be perfect once they get a bit of happy in their life, but it turns out, being mentally ill is a drag for other people too. Who knew?” She drummed on the floor with her hands. “We yell at other people. We lose motivation easily. We don’t take showers and stay in bed, eating cookies all day, and it just makes us feel worse. We’re a burden on other people. We make other people wanna kill themselves too.” Abruptly, she stopped drumming. “It kinda feels lately like I’m less Nicole, if that makes any sense. One day, a big ol’ depression cloud moved into the neighborhood of my brain. It bought up more and more properties until one day, I look out my window and realize I’m the last house on the block.” She drummed on the floor again. “The last house on the block.”
I started slowly to shake my head, but the shaking quickly increased. “Nicole, see a new doctor,” I finally said with urgency. “Get on antidepressants. Fucking do something. This is so scary.”
She chuckle-scoffed. “Yeah, you’re telling me,” she admitted. “The worst part is, other people only see what I’m doing to others.” She turned to me. “I dunno if you know anything about it, but I think Megan kinda hates me right now.”
My expression gave it away immediately, judging by the smug look on Nicole’s face. I scoffed and turned away. “She doesn’t hate you,” I argued. “She just thinks you think you’re immune to consequences.”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “I dunno if it’ll do any good to say it out loud, but I’m very aware I’m not immune to consequences,” she softly said. “I’m drowning in ‘em. Constantly. I just wanna put on a brave face. That’s why I do whatever I want, Adam. Life is going to shit, so I may as well do what I want. It’s a, what do you call it? A coping mechanism. My motto is, hey, as long as it helps others too, may as well. And people love a confident girl. They never like girls getting in their way or disagreeing with them, because boys are more fragile than glass, but they like seeing a girl that never breaks a sweat.” She exhaled sharply. “But, I guess I went too far. And now, people don’t see I’m hurting. They just see the people I’m… I dunno, accidentally hurting, all while trying to make the pain go away.”
I stared right out the window, trying to blink the tears away.
Nicole continued with a dry voice. “Does Megan know I’m cutting? What does she think about it?”
Fuck. I buried my head between my knees and cried, while I heard Nicole murmur, “Yeah,” right next to me. She could guess. She knew. Hell, fuck, she probably knew because Megan wasn’t the first one to feel this way about her. I knew there was something Megan was missing, and of course, only Nicole could articulate it as well as she could.
“It’s not fair,” I said into my knees.
“Sure it is,” Nicole replied dryly. “Hell, let ‘er think that. It’s true, I’m being selfish.”
“But you’re hurting,” I protested.
“Two things can be true at the same time, squirt,” Nicole noted. “I’m never going to blame a depressed person for being selfish, because at this point, it’s what they gotta do. And maybe counseling could help some of them. But me… I dunno. I dunno what I want, I dunno what I’m doing, and I dunno what I’ll do.” She spared a glance at me. “And that’s why we shouldn’t be together. I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m gonna fuck you up for life, dude. Take some time away from me.”
“Stop always assuming you’re this big bad guy and I can’t handle you!” I objected, finally raising my head. “I still wanna be with you, Nicole! I love you!!”
With her mouth open, she paused. “Okay, time out,” she quickly said, making a T with her hands. “No talking about getting back together. I’m trying to be diplomatic, but like, the cheating still happened. I’m still, reasonably I think, angry about it.”
“Yeah, can I say something about that that I wanted to say for a while?”
“Sure,” she replied flatly. “May as well.”
“I hated how you got to decide if one of us could have sex with other people, and I couldn’t. When I wanted to keep having sex with Sabrina, you forbade it. But if I forbade you in our relationship earlier on, you’d say that was untenable and say we need to stop the relationship. That’s one-sided. It’s unfair.”
Nicole nodded along as I talked. When I was done, she nodded one more time.
“That’s it, that’s what I wanted to say,” I clarified.
She shrugged. “I agree? Yeah, it’s unfair. I told you getting with me was a bad idea. I warned you about this many times. Adam, you can claim a lot of things, but you can’t claim I sidelined you with this stuff. Upfront I told you I couldn’t do monogamy, and then even after I stopped being with other boys, your situations and drama were stressing me out. Yes, everything was on my terms, but you’re conveniently forgetting one part.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
She paused. “I hope this isn’t harsh. I really don’t want it to be, okay? I want to be caring right now.”
I nodded.
She nodded back. “The most important part of all this was on your terms: the fact we were even in a relationship at all. I said I didn’t want to. I said it was a bad idea, I even said I think that it would be unfair to you. You said you didn’t care and you wanted it anyway. If I’m being honest, the fact you said you didn’t care what would happen when I knew things would be unfair, and then you complaining how unfair things were, only proves me right, and makes me regret saying yes. Like, I don’t, because I cared about you, but I do, because now all this shit has come to light. It’s like… I dunno, it’s like jacking off to something you know you shouldn’t. You still get pleasure, but you feel awful.”
I gave her a look, and she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Random simile I made up. Don’t even bother trying to look into it. Anyways, this is why I warned you against it. I always knew it would end like that. I was just dumb, and weak. I’m really sorry I hurt you like that. And that’s why we can’t be together. We can be friends, and I was wrong and dumb to even imply we couldn’t be. But Adam… hotshot, look at me.”
I was crying again, and was looking away, but looked back when she called me ‘hotshot.’
“We can’t be together again. It’s going to kill you if we are. No exaggeration, no hyperbole. It. Will. Kill. You.” She stared at me for a bit, then sighed and laid down with her back against the wood of the floor. “Sometimes I wish I could erase your memory and just be the mysterious hot girl from Student Council. The one you wanted to get to know better, but I was just too mysterious. Those were good days, because stuff didn’t mean much.” She raised her head off the ground. “But now we’re here. There is no just fucking for us anymore. There is no just kissing. And there sure as hell isn’t a relationship, no matter what we feel.”
“You feel something?” I asked, and could see Nicole about to roar something at me. I raised a finger to pre-emptively quiet her down, then clarified, “I accept that we can’t be together. I just want you to repeat that. You feel something?”
Nicole shifted her tongue around in her mouth. “It’s like… waves,” she said weakly. “Some days it’s low, some days it’s high. Some days I think I feel nothing for you, and some days I’m obsessed with you.” She chuckled. “That’s not healthy either, you know. For both of us. I want the best thing for you. It’s why I kept changing my tactics and stuff. But now, I think we both gotta accept the best thing for you…” Tears pooled around her eyes again. “…isn’t… me. The best thing for you… can’t involve me anymore. You need me out of your life. I’m…”
She started crying, and I saw it in her eyes. She was going to bolt. As soon as I saw her get up, I snapped into action myself. “Nicole-!” I called out, and for a second I thought she was going to beat me and run away, but right at the last second, I managed to grab her wrist. I pulled her back to me and grabbed her shoulders, pinning her to the wall.
She was breathing heavily. “Adam-!” she said, almost fearfully.
“Listen to me you fucking moron,” I roared. “I don’t want you to plan for what’s best for me. I don’t want you making the decisions of my life. I don’t want us to be complicated. If you think we’re not ready to be a couple anymore, fine, but you seriously think we can’t just be… us? Remember us in the first days of grade nine? That was like a fucking year ago, Nicole. It’s not like a millennium has passed. We’re still us. And the feelings are still there.”
“I can’t, Adam,” Nicole protested. “I just can’t. I’m getting worse and I’m dragging you down with me. We need time away from each other. We can’t just be uncomplicated. I want to be, but we just can’t, okay? We don’t know how to be.”
I breathed in and out, still holding her against the wall by her shoulders. “Then…” I began. “…We need to relearn how to be.”
Emotions flooded Nicole’s eyes. “Please… Adam, no…” she begged, but didn’t move. With my hands on her shoulders, I moved in, my primal instinct driving me. As soon as my lips were attached to her, she moaned like it was beyond her control. I felt her whole body melt and her arms wrap around me. Within seconds of me kissing her, my grip on her shoulders released, and soon,Nicole was wrapping her arms around me and grinding her pussy against my now-hardening cock.
She broke the kiss with a gasp for air, which I took as a great complement. Her face was flushed. “Fuck, this is embarrasing,” she murmured. “I really thought I was gonna be stronger than this.” She looked me in the eyes and gave me a death glare. “If we’re doing this, two rules. One, I don’t care how fucked up shit gets, we’re as uncomplicated as possible. Two, we are not back together. We’re just fucking, and doing what we did pre-this-whole-relationship-thing.”
“Deal, to both,” I told her. “We’re just friends that fuck. No terms. You do your thing, I do mine.” I kissed her hungrily. “And we get to play GTA soon.”
She laughed out loud at that part. “Yup, okay, deal,” she giggled, then immediately went back to kissing me. “I really should still be angry at you,” she told me between kisses.
“Then be angry at me,” I offered simply as I boldly started caressing her boobs over her shirt.
She moaned at my touch, even if I could tell she was giving me a look of annoyance. In no time at all her shirt was on the wooden floor. “You’re back to just being Squirt,” she told me, or maybe she was telling herself this. “The boy I found in grade nine. We’re playing around, and fucking. No relationships, no cheating, no finding me at my worst. Just a fun lil’ mutually beneficial relationship.”
As she thought out loud, I was caressing and sucking on her perfect breasts, grinding myself up against her, all while her hands unzipped my fly, pulling out my throbbing hard cock. “Fuck,” she moaned, beginning to stroke it and enjoying the feeling of my tongue on her again. “God, you’re perfect at this. Why did we ever fucking stop doing this?”
I figured the question was rhetorical and kept up with my actions, pinning her against the wall and letting my tongue and teeth work their magic. While my mouth was busy working on her chest, I followed suit on her example, popping open her fly and sliding her pants down her legs. Nicole eagerly did the rest, sliding her pants and underwear down her legs, and quickly making sure mine did the same thing.
Once we were both naked from the waist down, she gently took my mouth off of her chest and guided me to the floor. I sat down, my cock pointing straight up into the air, and she knelt on the ground in front of me, jacking me off and biting her lip. “Fuck…” she murmured. “Are you sure this is a good idea, Adam?”
“Do you want to ride it?” I asked, ignoring her question. She nodded, never taking her eyes off of it. I leaned back, allowing her full access, and she took advantage of the opportunity. She crawled on top of me, aligning my cock with her willing waiting entrance, and slowly sank down on top of me. Nicole was riding me. I was fucking Nicole Baker again.
“Nngh… ha… haaa….” she moaned. “Fuck, who were we kidding? We were never going to stop for long, were we?” Even with our socks still on, there was nothing that could take us out of this moment. Slowly at first, Nicole started bouncing up and down on me, her velvety depths pulling me in, being inside of her feeling so right. Right here, in the abandoned church, I was fucking Nicole again. I felt up and down her thighs, smiling at her, enjoying the feeling of pushing deep into her again, all while she gave me a flustered smile and started riding me faster, and faster.
Nicole needed this so badly. It was so clear. She closed her eyes and moaned, savoring the feeling of my dick deep inside her, the feeling of being filled by my cock. She picked up speed, her hand moving to my chest, going under my shirt and copping a feel while she was at it. “Fuuuck, god dammit,” she moaned, picking up speed. “Adam, I… fuck, yes…”
I got into it, moving my hips up to meet hers. She felt perfect on me. I felt perfect in her. This was so right. “Fuck yes, Nicole…” I moaned back, loving every second of this feeling. “I… love you, fuck…”
“Hey now,” she breathed, never stopping. “Say that word again and… we stop…”
If I was more pessimistic I would have taken that as Nicole making up the rules as she went again, but something about that made me smile. She didn’t just lose herself in the moment. She consciously registered the word. She never just said it out of nowhere, she knew. Knowing this made me redouble my efforts, slamming into her faster and making her moans go from deep occasional noises to constant needy whines. She orde my dick for all it was worth. I never wanted to stop.
After Nicole started to cramp, we switched positions, with her going on all fours so she didn’t have to touch the ground with her bare back skin. We quickly found our footing again, and before long, I was holding her shoulders again, this time from behind, as I began drilling her in earnest.
“Fuuuuuuuck,” she moaned, gritting her teeth. “You have the best cock ever, Adam… we’re fucking doing this every time you want it…”
I slapped her ass. “And every time you want it,” I told her gently, even as my cock railed her.
She chuckled. “If we… ungh… did it every time I wanted… fuck… you’d have to drop out… ngh… of school…”
I laughed, slamming into her again and again, her moans and screams echoing throughout the church. The door was open, so I guess this made this whole thing fucking in public, but neither one of us cared. We anted each other so badly, that neither one of us was going to stop.
After a few more minutes, my groans got more guttural. “Nicole… I…” I managed.
“I know. Do it,” she moaned, slamming her hips back into me. With her permission, I gripped her hips, thrusting into her a final few more times before my vision was clouded with pure bliss and my load began shooting inside her.
“Oh my God,” she moaned, feeling it enter her. We remained like that together with me slowly pumping the rest of my hot load into her, flooding her waiting pussy. “Fuck… it’s so much… God damn, dude.”
I laughed, savoring the moment a little while longer before pulling out of her. “I’m gonna collapse,” I warned. “Do you mind if we just… lay together?”
“Ugh, you sap,” she scoffed. She quickly grabbed some of our clothes and made a makeshift bed behind us. “If you have to.”
I laid down. “As if you want me to just leave right after,” I cockily replied.
“I’d survive,” she simply rebutted, and I laughed, grabbed her hand, and kissed it. She winced a little. “That feels couple-y.” She looked me in the eyes then sighed. “Sorry. I don’t mean to keep telling you what to do and what not to do. I’m just so… I need to say it out loud if I don’t like something, you know? And I keep changing. So I’m going to keep telling you. In a way, me actually telling you instead of just keeping it to myself and hating you over time is me showing I do care about you.”
“Okay,” I replied. “I won’t kiss your hand.”
“It’s sweet, it’s just… too much. I do feel really bad about making everything on my terms, but like… that’s what happens with me. I know it’s unfair. It’s why I push you away. It makes you hurt, and I hate that. But I can’t stop it.”
“I understand,” I told her gently. “Can I, like, ever tell you if there are too many terms or something?: What’s our happy medium here?”
She shrugged, shaking her head slowly. “Me being happy with life? I dunno.”
“Get on antidepressants or something.”
“Yeah, my shrink is talkin’ about it,” she admitted softly, now spooning with me. “We’re on it, squirt.” She laid against me for a while. “Is there anything else we should know about each other?”
“I’m still doing stuff with Sabrina, if we should be fully transparent with each other,” I said slowly. “Out of school grounds though. I won’t have sex on school property again. You know, unless it’s with you.” I felt her slap the back of my head, and I chuckled.
“I figured you would. Are you gonna go after her at the New Semester Party? Because I’m off-limits. No going after m- hmm. I would prefer if you and I don’t do anything at that party, if that’s okay.”
I looked around, smiling at her. “Hey, I liked that,” I said with a smile, then turned back around. “Nah, I forgot all about the party. I’ll give you space though. Are you doing it with any new guys?”
“You sure you wanna know?” Nicole gingerly asked.
I shrugged. “What are we, a couple? Hit me with it.”
“I blew Jarrod a few days ago.”
I whirled around, looking at her with shock. “He’s a grade nine, Nicole.”
“I got some crazy news about what grade you were in the first time we did it,” she dryly rebutted. “Besides, you looked like you suspected for a bit.”
I turned back around. “I’m just surprised,” I replied honestly. “I didn’t think he was your type.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so either. I, uh, probably fucked up. We’ll see what happens,” she replied. “It’ll probably just be more drama. Oh, speaking of, Zelda came to me the other day. Just tipping you off, she was looking for dirt on you.”
She reached her hand around to my chest. I held it close. “Oh, she actually told me about that.”
“She did?”
“Yup. She wants to be my friend again but wanted to see if I only wanted sex.”
“Oh, I see,” she replied. “She probably thinks we broke up.”
“Doesn’t Jarrod think that too?”
“Nope, I lied to him like the sociopath I am,” she laughed. “So, y’know, keep up the facade.”
“At some point the world is going to need to know,” I said. “It’s kind of weird to have to pretend to be your boyfriend, especially while, I know you don’t want to hear this but, I’d be your boyfriend again in a heartbeat.” I let silence trickle into the cracks. “I’m totally willing to not be coupley with you, but I think it’s only fair to me to not have the world constantly remind me I’m not your boyfriend.”
“That’s… reasonable. Yeah,” she mumbled to herself. “Alright, but there will be drama.”
“Already is,” I pointed out.
She chuckled. “Okay, okay,” she soothed. “You’re coming to the New Semester Party, right?”
I shrugged. “If you want me there, I guess,” I mumbled. “You know, so we can deliberately not talk to each other there.”
She chuckled again. “I never said we couldn’t talk to each other, I just don’t want us fucking or acting like a couple there,” she reasoned.
I held her hand close to me. “You know…” I slowly started. “I’m cool with us not being a couple, but…” I turned around to face her. “Just tell me that we’re special to each other. Give me that. After we broke up, I wanted to forget about you and move on, but that would be lying. You’re one hundred percent special to me, Nicole. Please just tell me that is something we both feel.”
Her eyebrows moved to the center of her brow, like she was sad. Her eyes got mistier. “It hurts thinking about that,” she confessed.
“Okay, you don’t have to say it,” I conceded.
“No no, I want to,” she said with a bit of pain, pushing through. She blinked, and tears began to form. “Yeah, Adam. You’re special. I’m glad we’re talking again.”
That was good enough for me. I reached forward and held her, and she started shaking and crying. I didn’t even know what about, but I didn’t need to. She was hurting, and I was there for her. Was I her lover? Her friend? Who cared? I was Adam, and she was Nicole. And I think we could make our peace with that.
Bashful Scribe 