TL;DR: Put any questions about Consequences as a comment on this post and I will answer it next week.
Now that it’s been a few weeks, I’m glad to have finished Consequences. It’s been a weight on me for a long time now, and I’ll be happy to shrug off the weight of the story and move on to greener pastures. And greener pastures they will be – Final Answer will have some serious themes, but as I said, I don’t plan on getting any darker than what was present in chapter two. Follow the Leader will be… well, if I write it correctly, it will be very much unlike any longform story I have written before.
“So it’ll actually be happy?” Zing. But yes, it’ll have a completely different kind of tone to it – again, if I write it correctly and don’t fall on old habits. I think a few of you very familiar with my past writing will enjoy it.
On top of writing here, I am now doing part-time work moderating for Lushstories. The mod team there are great and I’m privileged to know them, but sometimes the community there can… forget there’s a human on the other side of the screen, shall we say. For that reason, I want to mention in this blog that not only am I grateful for your support, but I’m also immensely grateful for the candor you all have when commenting. I’ve received a good deal of criticism – virtually all of it justified, and to boot, most of it thoughtfully worded. Even outright negative traits, like a recent accusation of a “lazy” ending to Consequences, were worded thoughtfully and clearly motivated by passion and sheer belief in the characters. Plus, criticism is an opinion at the end of the day – who’s to say the ending wasn’t lazy? Is there an objective proof it wasn’t? Nope. But this person didn’t say “the ending was lazy so fuck you, I hope you die,” they simply leveled a blunt point and moved on. They told it like it was without resorting to being mean. Genuinely, how thoughtful.
I remember an incredibly cynical comment I got on Literotica about Mutual Benefits, Chapter 7:
Meh. Somewhat confusing. Not into the whole dominate/submit thing, especially when one of the people really isn’t but is written to look that way as a plot point. Also quite a few things written into the story that adds nothing. For example Milo being trans. Seems like the author was checking off boxes to be woke. Now if Kevin is revealed as gay, then it will be super patronizing. And one more thing, I’m not sure where the author went to high school, but I can tell you that a lot of what is written does not happen or is at least not common at all at most schools. Artistic license or dramatization I guess.
someone who, based on their comment, has gone to most schools I guess
I like this comment a lot because it highlights a lot of the issues I have with other sites. It starts quite strong. One word opener that gives a general feeling; nice. Personal opinion, bolstered by how they interpreted a character. Good criticism. Sadly, after two sentences, it goes straight to Hell. If your response to any trans character in a story ever is “they only did this to be woke,” then that means that can be the only reason one ever includes a trans character at all. Milo’s presence adds a lot to the story. He’s dramatic and nosy, which paces the plot better, and most importantly, he’s simultaneously in the all-girl friend group yet bonds to Quinn because he sees them both as guys that can understand each other. If you read the story cover to cover, Milo being trans actually is quite important to the story, but this reader just sees being trans as, like, identity points. Being trans can apparently only ever happen to appease real-life trans people. Being cis, or straight, or male, or white, to a lot of people, is a default, and apparently, you never need to question why you’re defaulting, but if you ever deviate away, suddenly you need to answer” why was this character trans” or “gay” or “Asian” or “a woman.”
Then, the prestige. Kevin, who’s written as flamboyant, was identified by this reader as gay, because the only possible reason this reader thinks I could have written a character flamboyantly was to be gay, because that’s “woke.” This reader sees Kevin not as a character with traits but as a stereotype that has no other thought put into it – the very flaw they accused me of having in making Milo trans. Some comments can be discarded because the person doesn’t know what they’re talking about, and however you feel about politics, this comment is among them. It’s silly, if nothing else because Kevin is straight. He’s just flamboyant.
Bonus round: where did I go to high school? Somewhere in Canada. Then, I taught at three more high schools. I’ve literally been to four high schools, and people have praised my work in being nuanced and writing high schoolers with respect and personality rather than making them blank slates. I normally try to avoid counter-criticism, but this particular comment is fascinating in its judicious use of projection. “This author is only making a character trans as a blanket statement, oh and by the way, this character is flamboyant so he’s probably gay.” “This author’s story wouldn’t happen in actual schools, and I know everything that happens because I went to a school.” It’s a weird lack of imagination backed up by such confidence. Obviously, it’s under my skin, but I’m not angry per se, because the criticism is so off-base and inapplicable. I’m just… fascinated by it.
Even when I don’t agree with criticism presented here, I never feel it’s off-base. The community cultivated on this site has two wonderful qualities – A, you’re all never afraid to point out flaws in my writing, but more importantly, B, it’s thoughtful and clearly based in a reasonable read of the content. One can get spoiled with the comments here, as I often do, and don’t get me wrong, the comments from other sites are often thoughtful. But even flattering comments from other sites can get under my skin if they’re not based in thoughtfulness to some degree. Even “I liked this :)” is thoughtful. It’s being in tune with how you feel. I think you leave thoughtfulness as soon as you think you’re not just an authority on writing, but the only authority.
For example, I implied I was a relative authority on how teenagers act and feel, but I do not think I’m the only authority. I’m good at writing dialogue in particular and I specialize in the immaturity and brashness of teens and young adults – it doesn’t mean I’ll always get them right, or that my way of writing them is the only way they can be.
You all are, on a whole, quite smart, quite caring, and quite thoughtful. Never lose those qualities, and by all means, comment as often as you like. Whether they praise, criticize, or flat-out shit on my writing, I have a deep respect for all of you, and all of your opinions.
Given this, as is tradition, let’s open Pandora’s Box, shall we? Every time I finish a longform story, I open a Q&A for people to ask whichever burning questions they hold in their hearts. I know Consequences is no exception – in the comments section of this blog, ask as many questions as you want (within reason), and I will do my best to answer them, next week.
Click this image to be taken to Bashful Scribe’s Discord server.
Ask any questions you have about the story of Consequences below!
Bashful Scribe 
One writer has for his long series a side motto or promise: “Ever will be good (for major proponents) in the end. If it does not look good, it is not the end yet. And there are many moments the reader needs to remind himself this promise, where the hope is momentarily low.
It seems Consequences tooke the opposite approach. Whatever good moments are there, there is the ominous message “It will not be like this forever” and feeling it will end badly. I hate stories I know or feel they will end badly. (The better stories they are, the worse for them.)
I hope you are planning some series of the first kind too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interesting.. It originally looked like the posting failed. So I wrote it again later and the more expanded version is on Discord Q^A.
LikeLiked by 1 person
For whatever reason, the filter thought it was spam. I saw the buried comment and manually approved it.
LikeLike
This question is more about your Hazelwood high universe, rather than consequences itself. But i wonder, would Adam and Quinn (And their respective friend groups) get along with each other if they ever met or interacted with each other? Sure, we saw that kind of interaction at Allistar’s party, but thats barely enough to sate my curiosity and we will probably never see you go all Marvel on us, but it’s still very interesting to think about, especially considering that Adam and Quinn are very similiar in certain ways. And if they (or some of them) would get along, who would be friends with whom?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I could write an essay, but I’ll try to keep my questions brief and not repeat myself. This comment will come off like I didn’t enjoy the series, but I want to emphasize that I did enjoy Consequences but it fell short of expectations. Overall, I’m quite disappointed because I was constantly asking myself “wait.. what?” and “when did we start caring about that?” throughout the story. I wasn’t really invested in the characters and it felt like Mutual Benefits with different names. All emphasis was on friend groups and such, which came off as incredibly jarring after establishing Adam to not be interested in that. Obviously he can change as a character, but his core trait was that he was comfortable in being alone.
I’ll start off with my biggest criticisms (sorry) – why did Nicole and Adam never talk about their future? Even from the beginning, I was wondering how the conversation would go when they eventually discussed how the relationship would work once school’s over. Where did Nicole want to go? What did she want to do? Still something with photography? I get that it adds to foreshadowing but the end of high school is probably the biggest set of decisions someone can make up to that point in life. You can argue that Nicole may have known she wouldn’t have a future, but it never crossed Adam’s mind?
Which brings me to my second set of questions – why was there so little continuity from BMS? Previous character traits were minimally explored, like Nicole’s photography. Really significant events and people were not referenced until Chapter 20, like Paul. Mitchell’s letter at the end of BMS was never brought up at all! Same with the predator teacher, the pregnancy, the entire character of May. I would’ve thought that the Mitchell letter would be clawing away at Adam’s conscience the entire sequel, but nope. Never referenced.
You mentioned a point that got brought up a lot when writing BMS was that Adam didn’t have any hobbies, I personally thought that you conveyed his interests in other ways and that going to karate, gym and acting were good recurring events. But there was almost nothing like that in Consequences, for any of the characters. No mention of Nicole’s 80s music or photography, no mention of Carson’s marvel or videogames, Megan did nothing for herself all series, Zelda had nothing beyond being gay and Danish, and Sabrina’s interests and home life were hinted at but never actually explored. Athena was fleshed out a bit with her interests in My Chemical Romance and such, but she felt like an exception. Was this an intentional choice? I suppose I don’t have any questions but just want your thoughts on my perspective.
Next point of confusion from me was Jarrod. So, he’s a good side character in that he’s similar to Adam in many ways and he represents what Adam could’ve become if he was less inclined to be a nice person. Nicole slept with him at least partly because she wanted to relive her experience of being with Adam as a first year. But that means she was 18 and Jarrod was 14, that’s… what? The difference in maturity at those ages is massive and it’s rightfully criminal, yet the moral aspect of them having sex is literally never questioned. Even the gap from 16/17 to 14 is questioned in BMS and there’s subtext about the appropriateness of it. Did I misunderstand their ages? Or was it an oversight or you just didn’t find an appropriate point to bring it up? Feels odd and out of character for you as a writer.
I want to point out that I’m frustrated as a fan, not as a casual reader that isn’t invested. Your writing has improved in quality and consistency massively since BMS, but I feel like it’s losing the charm of being a series of exceptionally dramatic events such as the aforementioned pregnancy, teachers being predators, girls being manipulated by authority figures etc. It’s turning into a repetition of the drama surrounding “oh nooo, they’re not sitting with us for LUNCH anymore !!!” which is realistic, don’t get me wrong, but exceptionally underwhelming when you’re not invested in the characters. We haven’t gone through any events to make us invested you know? Megan being bi, Athena having a controlling boyfriend, Sabrina being suddenly distant… none of it matters if the conflict is just internal to someone that isn’t the protagonist.
After saying all of that, I want to mention that I thought the final chapter was phenomenal. From the old bait and switch of the dream at the beginning to the linear series of events throughout the day. Excellent storytelling. Did you write it on and off throughout the series?
Finally, why is the incident referred to as “Double Down”? I assumed the “double” part was because both Adam and Nicole were going to be written off as characters. But is it because Nicole doubled down and finally committed? Is that how it’s meant to be interpreted? That’s a dark way to reference the event if so.
I thought this was going to be a shorter message, sorry.
LikeLiked by 2 people
while I liked Consequences very much, I much I admit I can relate myself to most of the objections that Homefiremusic has raised, at least for consideration.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your take on that Literotica Ch7 of MB is pretty spot on. Whenever someone throws around the word ‘woke’ as a negative, there is an underlying bigotry at play.
That being said I myself get annoyed at writing/screenplays that are clearly box ticking with zero effort at actually developing these characters. Of course not all characters are there for that purpose but if they are not even used as a mechanism to develop part of a main characters story/personality then it is more offensive than if there was no diversity at all in my opinion.
For the record I could see you using Milo as the instigator of drama to create friction between members of the group to push the storyline along. Even if a LGBTQIA being a drama queen is a tad stereotypical… or maybe it is the trait of many a high school teenager.
Loved Consequences. Can’t say I actually saw that ending coming, which is always a good thing regardless of what it is in my opinion. Thought Adam may have gotten into a bit more in Hazelwoods hedonistic party scene while in his open relationship faze. Expected a bit more than a rather safe threesome with someone he already had been with. The gradual disintegration of the group had a very melancholic feeling to it, that left Adam more and more untethered. In fact it seemed that the end of the second story ended up being the opposite of the first’s title.
LikeLiked by 2 people