Alright, let’s put a cap on Consequences, shall we? There was a robust response from this community when I asked for questions (which I loved) and interestingly, not all of the questions were positive: some got scathing! (I respond in kind in some cases, but I also loved that – A, I love a good debate, and B, I don’t think an author should be only complimented, so this is wholly good!) As always, this Q&A allows you to get some of my thoughts behind my writing, but my voice is not the definitive one. If I seem incorrect or off the mark with a response, then I may well might be. And whatever is true in my headcanon does not have to be true in yours. With that in mind, let’s get this party started.

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Q: Why did Nicole and Adam never talk about their future?

A: I can’t agree with “never.” The book basically cold opened with those two characters talking about that exact topic. It’s literally the first sentence of Consequences. I assume you mean “why did they never return to it” or “why did they never substantially talk about their future.”

I think with the way I already sucker-punched people, I think talking about their future would have added salt to the wound. I can think of a bunch of reasons in hindsight – I didn’t want to clog the story with yet more “small talk” as some saw it; Nicole is spontaneous and doesn’t much like talking at length about the future; people in depressive episodes despise talking about the future – but I also have another cheesy thought in mind – I didn’t pen it, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the two never talked about it in my headcanon. I just chose not to show it. In storytelling we have to pick and choose what we show and what we don’t, and I didn’t deem them talking about their future and what they’ll do as pertinent to the story.

Above all, while I enjoy people talking about their feelings or revealing information to the protagonist about things they did outside of the protag’s perspective (the best kind of Telling Not Showing, if you ask me), I don’t enjoy characters talking about things the reader just experienced them do, or talk about things they want to do. It just makes me want to just show that directly instead.

I think the beginning kind of showed that, with Adam being unsure when Nicole asks, and being dismissed by Carson. Until the moment where Zelda playfully guesses their future careers, the message became, “who cares about the future? Care about the now.”

Q: Why was there so little continuity from BMS? I would’ve thought that the Mitchell letter would be clawing away at Adam’s conscience the entire sequel, but nope. Never referenced.

A: There are two questions in this, so I’ll answer the more specific one first.

When one is an adult, events from half a year ago are relevant and come up often and our lives move slowly enough to have this be reasonable. As a teen though, even with virtually all of our lives being less chaotic than Adam’s, so many events happen to us that to linger is to suffer. Adam had a whole 3+ months to brood over the letter, and already has well-founded accusations about being too whiny and dramatic a protagonist. Imagine half the book being about his conscience being clawed by an event that didn’t even happen during the book.

That brings me to the first question. I don’t write sequels often, and will likely not return to sequels for a while. I can’t say if I’m good or bad at them, but I don’t care about being “good,” since that’s not up to me to decide. But one thing I knew early on was that I wanted Consequences to work on its own. It would, of course, not be as strong if you hadn’t read Being More Social, and there would be some moments of confusion, but it would still work. If the book began with/parts of the book hinged upon him brooding over the letter, the story would get too foggy for a reader who is reading Consequences first.

Q: You mentioned a point that got brought up a lot when writing BMS was that Adam didn’t have any hobbies, I personally thought that you conveyed his interests in other ways and that going to karate, gym and acting were good recurring events. But there was almost nothing like that in Consequences, for any of the characters. No mention of Nicole’s 80s music or photography, no mention of Carson’s marvel or videogames, Megan did nothing for herself all series, Zelda had nothing beyond being gay and Danish, and Sabrina’s interests and home life were hinted at but never actually explored. Athena was fleshed out a bit with her interests in My Chemical Romance and such, but she felt like an exception. Was this an intentional choice?

A: I don’t really know how to respond to this question other than “I disagree, read the story again.” Nicole’s music was mentioned several times and her yearbook meetings and every non-Adam talk she had with Sabrina was centered around her photography skills. “No mention of Carson’s videogames”? Every non-school scene of Carson had him playing them. “Megan did nothing for herself all series”? I’d be sad if that’s how it came across, but I’m pretty sure from at least my POV her whole romantic arc with Zelda, including her breaking it off, was all about doing what she wanted, let alone many of her other actions. “Zelda had nothing beyond being gay and Danish” is, in my opinion, the biggest stretch of the truth here, with her interest in cryptography, her evolution in drama class, her studiousness leading up to the reveal she’s gay, and her need to dominate and win over others (not just Megan – look at how she talks with Carson, and heck, look at how she talks to Adam when they first meet). One could make a good case she’s one of the more fleshed-out characters of the book, perhaps if only because others were underbaked.

This question reads like there’s a gentler question wrapped up in disappointment with the story and taken to an extreme that hurts the overall question, which is a shame because it’s an interesting one. As far as I can tell, the question is, when you boil it down, “Why did characters have less recurring quirks and activities compared to Being More Social?”

If that was your core question, it’s a really good one, and I can say it was not 100% intentional. I think that when I started out, as all writers do, I relied on patterns and tropes and clichés. As I grew as a writer I got better at writing dialogue and didn’t have to rely on these things so much, and now I may have gone too far in the other direction, to the extent it hurts my writing. I’m a much bigger fan of the subtle at this point, and I didn’t like overtly pointing out, “Haha, oh Nicole, you and your 80s music.” I liked having her instead occasionally singing song lyrics in the car. Hell, fans of Toto may notice her next speech contained the words, “set some hearts on fire,” which is very close to the lyrics from the same song she was singing on the way to Allistair’s. It’s in her mind all the time.

On the Adam front I have a more concrete answer, though it’s a sadder one. I wanted to show pervasively and gradually that Adam’s obsession with Nicole was hurting his social life and leaving him with less of a life to go back to. Nicole was the reason he went to Student Council or even Yearbook. After Nicole was gone, he was left leading a club he realized he didn’t like. All he had in his daily life was class and Council, neither of which he liked, and a bunch of people he felt disconnected from. What did he do? What he always does. Run back to Nicole.

Subtle isn’t always better. If something is lost on 100% of your readers, you weren’t being clever, you were being too obscure. I can 100% accept both that it was my intent to lean less on tropes quirks and habits, and that the story suffered as a result. I’ll do my best to figure out a good balance.

Q: Nicole slept with Jarrod at least partly because she wanted to relive her experience of being with Adam as a first year. But that means she was 18 and Jarrod was 14, that’s… what? The difference in maturity at those ages is massive and it’s rightfully criminal, yet the moral aspect of them having sex is literally never questioned. Even the gap from 16/17 to 14 is questioned in BMS and there’s subtext about the appropriateness of it. Did I misunderstand their ages? Or was it an oversight or you just didn’t find an appropriate point to bring it up? Feels odd and out of character for you as a writer.

A: Wow, this one had the goal of getting personal, huh?

I’m not sure if I agree with the first sentence. It’s a really cool interpretation and no doubt I teased its possibility, but I don’t think that’s the whole story, or even the true story. Beyond that, I’m not sure what you want from me when it comes to morality. In chapter twelve, when Nicole first tells Adam she blew Jarrod, his first reaction is shock, disapprovingly telling her “he’s a grade nine, Nicole.” In chapter thirteen, she admits doing anything with him was a mistake. Short of her looking at the camera and going, “and it was primarily a mistake because of our age gap,” I don’t know what you wanted. That’s not a dig nor a gotcha moment, I’m genuinely at a loss for how this is out of character for me and what you wanted. It certainly isn’t true that it was “literally never questioned.” I’m not offended, but you do need to be careful in saying “you never did this” and “this sure is out of character for you not to do this” when you’re simply incorrect, especially when this applies to three of your questions. It diminishes the power of your criticism.

Beyond that, I think the fact it’s rightfully criminal is ignored a lot in high school culture. I went to a fairly sexed-up but fairly normal high school (for North American standards), and seniors got with freshmen a fair amount of the time, with two clear caveats – it was usually in hookup/one night stand fashion as opposed to romantic relationships, and it was usually older boys with younger girls. It was clearly predatory, but it was also normalized. Worry not, I don’t much enjoy the dynamic in real life (fantasizing about the taboo dynamic is where we get grey, but hey, you all liked Being More Social), nor the fact it was so accepted in school, but I didn’t want to make a plot point out of showing Nicole how what she did was wrong because of the maturity gap. Nicole is Nicole. She bends rules and greys the black-and-white. Especially after having sex with him, she was not going to easily admit, “Huh, I need to step back and objectively look at how our maturities differ.” She’s an amoral hedonistic high school teenager. I’m not going to write a paragraph dissecting the problem every time a character does something immoral, nor spawn in an immediate karma moment for such actions. My soapbox-loving inner preacher would love that, but it would get tiresome and it would patronize my audience. With this comment, you’ve proved that you didn’t need me to tell you that what Nicole did was wrong (even though the story literally did do that too). Judge her as you will. And if you think that me not doing enough must mean I endorse the act or something, I can’t stop you from thinking that. But if this blog is of any help, I do not endorse any bad/immoral acts my characters do, I promise.

Q: I thought the final chapter was phenomenal. From the old bait and switch of the dream at the beginning to the linear series of events throughout the day. Excellent storytelling. Did you write it on and off throughout the series?

A: Aw, and I was just getting warmed up with the more fiery questions.

I’m glad it came across well. It definitely hurt a lot to write. Nicole passing on had been in my mind since midway through Being More Social, around exactly halfway. In the later teen chapters of BMS, I asked myself if I was going to end the story with her death. I didn’t like that, and had the idea of an average day in his life without her. From there, the dream came pretty immediately.

Actually writing Chapter 20 didn’t start until after Chapter 19 was fully done. Even any point-form notes of who he talked to and who did what were not present. It was just a 7-year-old idea about a dream rattling about in my head, and the rest was basically improvised. I virtually never skip scenes or write future events before writing the past, simply because the past influences the future, and if I decide to change an event on the spot, I’d have to rewrite the later scene.

Q: Why is the incident referred to as “Double Down”? I assumed the “double” part was because both Adam and Nicole were going to be written off as characters. But is it because Nicole doubled down and finally committed? Is that how it’s meant to be interpreted?

A: Is Nicole’s death referred to as the “Double Down”? I don’t recall stating that. 😉

Q: Would Adam and Quinn (And their respective friend groups) get along with each other if they ever met or interacted with each other?

A: I like how this is phrased bluntly as a hypothetical. I feel like you as a reader get to have your own headcanon, but I can pitch in my two cents.

Quinn’s crowd is basically the four girls, Kevin, and Milo. We saw how Taylor’s interacted with Adam, and Kevin would probably be too much of a brown-noser for… any of Adam’s group, apart from maybe impressing Athena. I think they’re just in different cliques, and I imagine pre-popular Quinn would be too awkward to even get a chance to mingle with Adam’s group.

Q: Do you plan writing any “light at the end of a tunnel” story?

A: No. You all will get nothing but sad stories with sad endings from me for the rest of time. Suffer!!

It would be cool as a writing exercise to turn the sad into the happy for sure. I think one longform story I’m planning fits that description, so I’ll say a tentative “yes.” I may not be great at it though; it’ll be kind of new ground to me.

Q: I’ve been wondering for a little while, did you have a specific mental illness in mind when writing Nicole? I’m not a professional, but I was picking up on some BPD tendencies.

A: Even when I have an idea of what a character is like, my perception of them exists in my conscious mind but I tend to write from the subconscious. My writing style is all about “seeing the events as they happen” in my imagination and writing them down. It’s why I’m usually such a stubborn and awful editor, and why, occasionally, my writing misses the mark in a major way.

Given this, even when I have an idea of who characters are, occasionally they can surprise me or prove me wrong. In this way, I thought Nicole only had depression until surprisingly recently. In my real life, I met a wonderful person who very quickly became one of my best friends, and she’s eerily like Nicole. She’s struggled with her own demons and realized somewhat recently she might have BPD. At that point, it clicked, and to be honest, I’m surprised at myself for not seeing it earlier, since a few of my older friends also have BPD. Odds are, my subconscious mind portrayed it and I wrote it down not knowing what exactly I was showing Nicole to be, if that makes any sense.

As far as I can perceive, I’d say you’re right on the money with armchair diagnosing Nicole with BPD (which is okay to do with characters, but as an aside, one should never do to real people). But consciously, I never had it in mind.

Q: Will we see more of Adam? Like do we get to check up on him every now and then?

A: We might hear of him in other stories, but I’m not planning a threequel. I think it’s fairly safe to say, there will be no more stories starring him.

Q: Nicole went to the hospital twice for mental health. How did she get out of the hospital without proper treatment?

A: Full honesty? I went to the hospital twice for basically the same reasons, once while living in the USA. They can treat people, but they’re not going to keep people in a hospital until they’re cured, and only then release them. They’re going to release them if they meet a standard, and a lot of people can easily fake meeting that standard. Especially if a person wants to leave and is smart enough to know what the hospital is looking for, it’s surprisingly easy to get discharged. Nicole’s experiences are pretty heavily based on my own.

Q: What is your reasoning behind Nicole’s parents selling their house? Being someone who lost a child I am basically tethered to the area because of where is buried. Not saying it is wrong, everyone responds differently.

A: More importantly than anything, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Nicole’s parents lost all three of their kids in one way or another. Two to death, and the third cutting off all contact. There comes a time for some personality types when the pain, anger and grief become too much, especially when they already had to emotionally detach as a last-ditch coping mechanism. Living where they did became too painful, especially since it seems they were in a family neighborhood with a good number of kids around.

Q: How do you, as a reader – and more importantly as an author – cope with the heartache, good or bad, after consuming a narrative that you’ve invested a good chunk of your time to? What do you do with yourself after? Do you move on, do you have a “grieving period? What do you recommend to others going through it (either from your own writings or some other story/medium)?

A: That is such a good and powerful question, especially that last part.

My first response is that I have zero clue. I honestly think that I’ve struggled with keeping a lot of feelings internal, good and bad, and I had a period of suffering in my mid-twenties that occasionally rears its head again every so often. Because my stories are products of my imagination that I witness, I don’t have any particular pain in writing a story since writing it means the story “already happened to me,” if that makes sense. In this way, I think my response is more akin to a reader’s than the average author that actively makes their decisions.

Sometimes it’s nice to live my life for a week after writing a chapter and give zero thought to my erotica until the week is up and I need to begin writing again. That’s my “emotional vacation” after writing a chapter, so to speak. Sometimes I also go through a very awful period in my life and think, “the upside to this is I have the emotional fuel to write that one scene I’ve been putting off.” Nicole’s breakup with Adam happened after such an event, and it was both heartbreaking and cathartic to me.

My advice to readers is to not let a sad story be the only thing in your life. Have a social life and have it be rewarding, read happy stories too, and grieve when appropriate, but celebrate when appropriate too. Allow yourself to fully feel the feelings because only then will they pass. Reading Consequences and immediately trying to drown it out with a happy song won’t work. “Everything in moderation” means not too much but it also means not too little. Give yourself the appropriate time to grieve. It’s okay to feel hurt for a period of time.

Q: Nicole — was her physical description in any way based on Jane Burnham from American Beauty? Her jet black hair and blue eyes were one thing, but once her breasts were described everything clicked and I pictured her when reading BMS / Consequenses.

A: I’ve never seen American Beauty so I can safely say no. Her hair/eyes combo was a combination of three factors: One, it was apparent on erotica sites at the time that people found it hot, and I wanted to appeal to that. Two, it seemed distinctive, and allowed me to visualize her better and therefore get a better feel for picturing her interacting with Adam. Three, I frankly prefer brown eyes to blue and I didn’t want every love interest in a story I made to have looks that would appeal to me; it would be too telling. I’m happy to write a character others consider more attractive than I would.

Q: Why’s Allistair like that? Do you hate the British?

A: Haha, definitely not! Allistair is not meant to be a stereotype of Britain specifically, but rather, exchange students. In my high school, we had an exchange student, and he played up how he was from another place to an annoying extent. I also just love writing quirkier characters. Nicole is one, Allistair is another. Kevin from Mutual Benefits, and even Zoe from The Mystery of Lakeview Mall. They’re all so fun to do. Rest assured, I love the British, both the people and its media. I’m sure the English can likely tell from my dry-ish sarcastic tone that I consume more than my fair share of British books and shows.

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Thank you all for your questions. Even if I got (in my humble opinion, rightfully) defensive in some responses, I genuinely appreciated all of the questions. It helps me keep a finger on the pulse of this community and I love seeing all of your passion, criticism, and even where your minds go to when you want to ask questions. Thanks to everyone to offered up questions, and I hope this Q&A helped and allowed us to move on to new, hopefully greater stories. I’ll talk to you all next week.