Mr. Salvador leaned back in his chair, his expression never changing from his attentive glance. “Is that the whole story?” He asked me.
I nodded. “That’s all I’m going to say, at least.” I added with a weak chuckle. “So what do you think?”
“What do I think?” He repeated, looking at me quizzically. He shrugged. “It’s not something I would have done, but I’m also not you.” He shifted in his seat, thinking to himself. “Although, you never quite told me anything important.”
“I never told you anything important? I told you something that could get me expelled!” I replied in a slightly panicked tone.
He chuckled softly. “But not once did you tell me how you felt about Megan. You told me what happened, but not how it affects you. Your story hinges on how you feel after. If you’re suddenly happy with Megan, or if you’re miserable with Megan, those are two completely different stories.”
I took in what he said and shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I don’t really know how to feel about it. It’s all happening really fast, and I don’t even know if I am to blame, if I was an asshole like Nicole said, or if I should feel like it was all a bunch of bad luck.”
Salvador leaned back in his chair and smiled slightly. “You guess you don’t know how to feel about it…” He repeated slowly, savoring each word. He didn’t say anything more, just rotated back and forth in his rotating chair. In the silence, I started thinking about the words myself, finally linking them back to the weights room and what Nicole said.
Look, I don’t know my own feelings right now, okay?
“It’s normal to not know your own feelings during a new experience for a teen, isn’t it?” I asked him, his point dawning on me.
“For a human.” He corrected me with a smile. “You’re not an asshole, Adam. You’ve made some bad decisions, though. Casual sex is the worst one you can make.”
“Why? I asked him.
He ignored me. “In time, you’ll know how to feel about it. But don’t ignore how you feel. That is crucial.” He paused, until it became evident that he had nothing left to say. “Did you need to say anything else?”
“Well…” I said, exasperated. “You didn’t tell me what to do, or anything…”
“I can’t tell you what to do.” He said simply. He paused again, before realizing I wouldn’t respond. “Will you be alright?”
I sighed. “Yeah.” I admitted. “I will.”
“Good.” He said simply, getting up and walking up to one of his shelves, putting away some paperwork. “Are we done here or is there anything else?”
“Nah, I’m good to go.” I answered. “Bye, Mr. Salvador.”
Without holding my breath for him to say goodbye back, I left Mr. Salvador’s office, not feeling as free as I thought I would, but still feeling strangely satisfied. As I walked down the hallway, something caught my gaze. In the trashcan sat something odd-shaped and green, poking out of the can as if to say hello. It was Paul’s mask.
I walked up to the can and picked up the mask. It was of a distorted face, and kind of reminded me of an owl. It had a very straight, vertically long nose, a defined forehead, and was cut off below the nose, presumably so that the actor using it could use their actual mouth to speak.
I wasn’t sure if Paul threw it out or not, but it had to be important. I carried it back to Salvador’s office and knocked on the door.
“Come in.” Salvador’s calm voice greeted me again without looking up to even know who it was.
I walked in. “Sorry to disturb you again-”
“Why would you say that?” Mr. Salvador asked me, looking up.
It caught me off guard. “Huh?”
“Do you have something to say?” He asked me.
Hesitantly, I replied. “Yes…”
“Then don’t be sorry. Never be sorry unless you have a good reason. You’ve just invalidated everything you’re about to say.”
It was too late in the day to even bother arguing. “Okay.” I sighed exasperatedly. “Anyway, I found this mask you gave Paul outside. I think he accidentally dropped it.” I actually thought he threw it away in disgust, but I didn’t want to taint Salvador’s image of him. “Should I leave it with you so you can return it to him?”
“I didn’t give Paul that mask.” Salvador answered simply. “He made it.”
“Really?” I asked, looking at the mask again.
He nodded. “It’s one of the units in senior drama. You have to make your own mask, then create a scene using that mask.”
Wow. That actually seemed really cool. “That’s cool!” I replied truthfully. “Either way, he dropped it, so should I leave it with you so that you can return it to him? He’ll need it for his scene, after all.”
Salvador shook his head. “He won’t need it. The mask unit is over. He just happened to have it on him today because I returned them today.” He replied. “Don’t give it to me, it’s no longer mine. If you want to return it to him, you may want to hurry. He’ll be leaving soon.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a polite request for me to leave. I nodded nonetheless. “Okay, will do.” I replied. “Thanks!” I left the room, expecting Salvador not to respond. I was correct.
I ran down the hall, wanting to catch Paul before he left. It turns out my running was in vain – I found him in the main hallway sitting on the bench, looking at his phone, frustration on his face.
“Hey.” I loudly declared.
He looked up from his phone. “Hola.” He replied flatly.
“You okay?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “Unnecessary stuff.” he replied, putting away his phone. “Doesn’t matter. What’s up?”
I held up his mask. “I found this in the garbage can. I think you accidentally dropped it or something…”
He laughed. “We both know it wasn’t accidental. Feel free to put it back where you found it.”
“But I like it.” I protested, looking the mask over. “Why would you throw it out?”
“Keep it then.” He ordered, going back to his phone. “Salvador says it’s badly made. The edges are sharp, it was hastily painted, and apparently there’s no defining feature on the face.”
“The forehead.” I commented out of reflex.
Paul made a gesture. “That’s what I said.” He commented. “He gave me a 4 out of 10 on it. So I don’t want to see it again.”
“Does it have a name?” I asked, looking it over.
Paul gave me a weird look. “Are you feeling alright?” He asked me. “What the heck did Megan do to you?”
I could feel myself blushing. He noticed and mischievously smiled. “Yup, I hadn’t forgotten.” He added coyly. He glanced at the clock. “You waiting for your parents?”
I looked at the clock too. It was well after six. I hadn’t texted her yet, but mom would be off work by now. I nodded at Paul and got ready to take out my phone.
“Well then, text them back and tell them not to worry. I’ll give you a lift.” He said nonchalantly, getting up and moving towards the parking lot. I put my phone in my pocket and followed him, matching him with silence until we got to his car.
“So, I’m guessing you made up with Megan.” He suggested as we both got in. I put my face in my hands. I already explained the whole thing to one person, and I was not ready to do it to another.
“Yup,” I simply stated. “We sorted out our differences. Now we’re together.”
“Wow, that was quick.” Paul remarked. “You grade nines do move fast. I mean, just last week you were-”
“Sorry, when you offered to give me a lift was it you being kind or was it an excuse to judge me?” I interrupted.
Paul said nothing as he started the car. “Point taken.” he admitted. “I apologize.”
“I’m sorry too.” I mumbled.
“Why?” He asked me.
“I was mean to you when you first gave me a lift, and now I’m being mean again.” I said, looking straight ahead. “These last few weeks have just been hell and I’ve just been really frustrated. I guess I kind of took it out on you.”
“No worries.” Paul waved me off. “We all have those moments in our life. You’ve just got to love teen drama, don’t you?” He laughed sympathetically.
“I hate it.” I said immediately, not even bothering to mirror the humorous nature of his comment.
“Yeah, it would just be better if you could avoid it altogether, wouldn’t it?” Paul asked, pulling out of the parking lot.
“No kidding.” I agreed.
“Yeah, I mean, life would be so much better if you… Avoided misunderstandings.” Paul suggested. “Were never in an awkward situation. Never had people mad at you. Never been in compromising or vulnerable positions. Avoided dumb people. Never made mistakes. Never got invited to parties. Always did the right thing. Never did drugs or alcohol. Stayed abstinent. Didn’t talk to anyone ever. Died alone, without ever really understanding people.” A mischievous smile was on his face when he finished.
“What, are you regretting your high school life?” I quipped bitterly.
“Ha ha.” He replied sarcastically. “I’m just saying, what you’re experiencing right now is real emotion. It feels bad, I know, but it prepares you to be a better person in the future.”
“And what if I want to be a better person now?” I asked him. “All of a sudden it’s like I’m the bad guy, the asshole. And it’s not just now. I feel like I’ve been the asshole for a while now and couldn’t see it. What can I do to change that?”
“I think you already have. In fact, just now.” Paul answered. “Ever played Spec Ops: The Line?”
“I don’t play video games.” I simply answered.
“Oh.” Paul simply answered, then smiled. “Wow, you’re quite the minority. At any rate, you can still make the changes. You just need to be aware of what you’re changing.”
At that point, it clued in to me that Paul was going in the wrong direction. And had been for quite a bit. “Um, Paul… My house is in the other direction.” I said hesitantly.
Paul’s back stiffened and his eyes widened. “Oh. Crap. Right.” He murmured as he slowed down, then pulled into a random driveway. He turned around and started going the other way. “Sorry about that. I’ve gotten so used to driving home this way I guess I just did it out of reflex.”
“It’s okay.” I said.
“See?” Paul asked, smiling again. “Not an asshole. You’re being a bit hard on yourself, man. You’re a freaking grade 9. Sorry, you’re going to be immature. By grade 12 you’ll see just how much it shaped you as a person. And yeah, the only thing that can make you a better person is actually trying to be a better person, but I think you’re on that path now.”
I nodded, but stayed silent.
“And go ahead and text Nicole if it makes you feel better.” Paul added. “Apparently being sad or angry makes you an asshole by your logic. You talk like she made you happy.”
“She does.” I remarked.
“Then do things that make you happy. You might make mistakes along the way to doing happy things, but you can apologize and learn from those. Doing things you don’t love out of obligation then being bitter about it isn’t going to make you a better person.”
“Weren’t you the one who told me not to text her last time I got a ride with you?” I asked him.
“You’re talking as if I’m always right.” He retaliated. “Besides, that was so you could grow as an individual. If you’re going to be sad, it’s not worth it. I’d rather you be happy and a little shallow rather than your own miserable person. You can work on your individuality in many ways. My suggestion was just one way. But if you find it isn’t working, maybe you just need a friend in your life, one you know well, one that makes you feel better. Maybe that’s what Nicole provides for you.”
The folksy wisdom of the ancient senior rang true as far as I was concerned. I whipped out my cell phone and looked up Nicole in my message history.
Hey. I’m sorry. For everything. I texted her.
But even after Paul dropped me off and said his goodbyes, she didn’t answer back.
I was a bit quick to assume I would enjoy classes. As I found out, I really only enjoyed them because I enjoyed life at the time, and had something to look forward to. When I went to classes the next day, a Tuesday, I found that classes were turning dull, fast, and the only thing I had to look forward to was working out for an hour straight at the end of the day, then waiting for my mom to pick me up since Nicole still refused to talk to me. God, I hoped whatever Megan planned to say would work.
That said, I didn’t let that show at all in drama class. I didn’t even know if Salvador was right about my low energy negatively impacting the class, but the guy sat and listened to his student explain how he felt bad about straight-up fucking another student in an English classroom without judgement. I felt liked I at least owed it to him to adhere to his class’ rules in exchange for that.
I don’t think he noticed, but I attached Paul’s mask to my backpack. More specifically, I asked mom to sew it on when she had a minute. Mom, who loved it when I expressed my individuality, was all too happy to comply, and even remarked how proud she was of me for keeping the mask when I gave her the story behind it. Friends came and went in this new fast-paced life of mine, but my parents were always there for me. Especially in a time like this, I couldn’t express in words how grateful I was for that, nor how much I loved them.
Apparently, though, tucking my emotions away in drama class was working. After school, all Salvador did was give me a nod, then looked back to his clipboard.
Getting out of the mentality of drama and into the mentality of working out, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and walked out of the aud. Each step felt heavy, but I expected it would feel that way until things got better. My mind grew hopeful as I pictured Nicole, waiting for me outside of the weights room, smiling at me and saying, “Sorry, squirt. Let’s just put this behind us.” I would forgive her, we’d hug, she’d push me away yet wink at me, it would be like nothing ever happened.
“Adam! Yo, Adam!”
A voice calling my name broke me out of my daydream. Pausing mid-step, I turned around to see Blondie, the popular kid from drama class.
“Hey!” I replied casually, yet confused, watching him approach me as people walked around us, waiting for him to state his purpose.
“I never gave you my name. Dylan Swanson.” He held out his fist. I reluctantly bumped it.
“Yeah, you tried out for the council too, right?” I asked, then realized it sounded like I was rubbing it in his face that I got in and he didn’t.
He shrugged. “Real talk, I didn’t even wanna. My brother’s on council and wanted me to try out.”
“Really?” I asked, half with fake interest and half with genuine interest. “Who’s that?”
“Jeff Swanson, the VP.” he replied. I would never have guessed that guy and Dylan were related. While Dylan was a slightly muscular, slightly lean popular-looking kid with blonde hair, Jeff was kind of pudgy, looked and dressed like a nerd, and had brown hair.
“I see.” I commented, not knowing where the conversation was going. “So what do you need?”
“Well, I heard through him what you did with Megan and May…”
Of course. A freaking week later and I couldn’t even escape it, not even from people who weren’t even indirectly related to the event. Cringing on the inside, I prepared for the worst as Dylan finished his sentence.
“…And it was totally sick, bro!” He said, holding out his fist again.
“Excuse me?!” I asked in disbelief, ignoring his fist.
“You, like, totally put May in her place! I think she’s frigid anyway. Plus, you’re a stone cold playa!” Dylan replied enthusiastically. “Massive respect for that. Especially since, no offense, you were a total nerd a few months ago.”
“Yeah, things change quickly.” I admitted.
“Anyway, I totally dig your style, man.” He continued. Did people after the ’90s even say ‘dig’ anymore? “I wanna invite you to this party I’m throwing on Friday. You down?”
“You’re seriously inviting me to a party because I got involved with multiple girls?” I asked him.
He looked at me as if it was obvious. “Yeah, man! It was freakin’ hilarious! You got them good.”
“I was a dick.” I admitted.
“Naw, man. Look, does Megan still hate you?”
“No.” I be grudgingly answered.
I paused. “I don’t know.” I answered.
“Then you’re all good!” He protested. “No feelings are hurt, and what you did was a freakin’ riot. C’mon, it’ll be awesome.”
“Alright, if you want me there I’ll go.” I caved. “But I’ve never been to a party before.”
“Yeah, I kind of got that impression.” He retaliated. “What’s your phone number? I’ll text you the time and address.”
I gave him my phone number and he pulled out his phone, nodding enthusiastically as he typed my number into his phone. “Sweet.” He commented, then looked up at me with a goofy grin on his face. “See you there!”
“Yeah, see you.” I mumbled, trying to process what had just happened. Did being an asshole just make me popular? No wonder jocks are vilified in movies. But being invited to a party… I have never been invited to one of those. While I didn’t quite know what to expect, I did have a general idea of what would go down. As I kept walking towards the weights room, I debated in my mind if it was really worth it. I just about approached the door as I felt a buzz in my pocket.
I stopped and pulled out my phone to see I had a new text message from Megan. heyyy
Hey there. 🙂 I answered before opening the door. I sighed to myself, the empty room echoing my sigh back to me.
whats up? Megan texted me back.
Not a lot. I shot back before thinking if I should tell her about the party. Given that a lot of my problems in the past stemmed from either keeping the full story to myself or being misunderstood, my sudden sense of caution won. Dylan Swanson invited me to come to a party with him. You want to come with me?
Aweeeee id love to!! ❤ 🙂 🙂 was her response. Well, it certainly was an improvement from everyone getting mad at me, I thought to myself as I took off my sweater and started stretching, getting ready for my first set.
Of course, the universe sometimes has other plans. The day Dylan set for the party turned out to be the one day Megan couldn’t make it. Given the nature of what goes on at parties, it was scheduled to be Friday night, which I’m amazed Megan didn’t see coming. However, I made it up to Megan by ditching my Thursday workout with her to hang around town with her.
She was a great girl and I won’t lie, the sex was amazing when we got the chance, but it was painfully obvious we weren’t right for each other. As we walked throughout the town, we tried to chat, but we could never find a topic both of us were interested in. We tried to be more vague with topics, but that either made the conversation end quickly or bored us to the point where we wished the conversation would end quickly.
Eventually, we settled for a hike in the forest, something I was not shy about never enjoying. Nevertheless, by the hand Megan dragged a very reluctant me into the woods where we just walked around for a bit.
“Aren’t you having fun?” She eventually asked me.
I laughed aloud. “Of course I’m not. I already said I don’t like hikes.” I answered. “Plus there’s something about hiking in winter. It’s just… nasty. The trees are dead, there’s no nature, and everything is dirty and slushy.”
Megan thought back to one of our earlier conversations. “I thought you said you liked hiking in winter.”
Well, it good to know that she almost listened. “I like going outside in winter.” I clarified. “But not hike. Hiking, I have to experience the downsides. The deadness, the dirt, the work. But just going outside and taking it in is something else. Winter’s got this vibrant energy that you have to stop and feel. Hiking is too much work to really feel that energy.”
She nodded. “Okay.” She said, which was her universal equivalent for ‘In through one ear, out the other.’ “But this hike is different, right?”
I thought about what she was getting at. “This hike isn’t really that different. I’m still not enjoying myself, if I can be frank.”
Megan pouted, half playfully. “But I’m here with you. Shouldn’t that make it better?”
I paused, wondering how I was going to phrase this. As I did, I noticed a few large, flat rocks in an open area. “Care to sit down?” I asked, gesturing to the rocks. She complied, and I sat down next to her, exhaling before I began rambling.
“Megan, make no mistake, this whole relationship thing is one-sided. It’s for you. We can’t find anything to talk about. You dragged me on a hike figuring I’d enjoy it even when I said I wouldn’t, just because we’re together. But you’re forgetting that we’re together because that’s purely what you want. Just because the title of ‘boyfriend’ is there doesn’t make it any more special in itself. A relationship isn’t defined by its title, it’s defined by the feelings that come from it.”
“I know.” She pouted for real this time. “But I feel like since it’s official it should feel more official. Like it should mean more when it’s in the open. It feels more real to me.”
I sighed, but smiled at her. “It may feel more real for me in time, it may not.” I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. “But for now, please accept that I’m just doing this for you, and that just because you want a perfect moment or a perfect relationship doesn’t mean the universe is just going to give you one, even after you get a ‘boyfriend.'”
“Okay.” She admitted defeat. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I responded instinctively. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just figured if we’re in a relationship now, I should tell you how I feel from time to time.” I winked at her and she giggled. Silence followed as we just stared ahead, not saying a word.
“What the fuck is even going on?” I asked out of exasperation, putting my face in my hands.
“What do you mean?” Megan asked me.
“I know there’s stories of couples that are obviously one-sided, but they stick together for the sentiment or because one person can’t function without the other. But we’re not even being freaking subtle about it.” I observed, earning another giggle from Megan.
“I think you need me too.” Megan replied, trying to be thoughtful. “You just don’t know it yet.”
Yeah, no. Definitely not. I nodded out of politeness, but nothing could be further from the truth. I definitely could live without Megan in my life, even though she as a friend was really cool. In retrospect, though, I will admit she helped me get over the fact that Nicole was basically no longer a part of my life, but then again, she pretty well orchestrated that. If I were more paranoid, I might even have thought that Megan had a hand in the whole thing, knowing exactly how I’d respond to holding hands after the blowjob, seemingly knowing Nicole and our relationship well enough to know how she’d respond, observing my crush on May, and timing everything exactly right so that every other aspect of my life would crumble like a stack of falling dominoes, Nicole would leave me for Phil and I’d fall right into her hands out of desperation…
…Yeah, maybe not. That was giving any human being, let alone Megan, way too much credit. Not even Nicole could pull that off.
“Plus,” Megan added, her hand traveling up my leg. “I think it’s safe to say that our agreement is definitely not one-sided.” She grinned mischievously as her hand went up and down on my crotch.
“Here?” I asked, looking around.
She shrugged. “Why not? There’s no one around. Plus, it sounds like you need me to remind you why you stick with me.”
I had to laugh internally at that comment. This relationship was not for me. That was painfully obvious. Megan, as far as I could see, wasn’t even interested in me specifically, which only became more obvious as she came more and more out of her shell. She wanted to be in a relationship, pure and simple. She wanted a physical boyfriend, and to have feelings, but she didn’t know how. She wanted to possess and live out some kind of Disney fairy tale, not share time and feelings. The word ‘share’ wasn’t even in her consideration, and she knew it too. Still, I kept my mouth closed for two reasons. Number one, in the wake of pretty much everything else that had happened, I was trying to be as kind as I could be, and this would definitely rock the boat. Two, Megan was making a move on me, and knowing her, I’d want to see how this would play out.
Without another word, smiling slightly, I went straight for Megan’s neck, something I found out was her sensitive spot. I started by gently kissing her neck, but quickly evolved to licking and eventually sucking. She responded with short gasps of air and a hand supporting the back of my head. Her hands were frozen in place, not daring to move, as if in fear that these sensations would stop the moment she moved. Quickly, though, my mouth got bored of one place and my hands travelled to her B cup breasts, moving them around before whispering “Let me see them,” into her ear.
Quickly, she obliged. I moved enough away from her to allow her enough space to take off her shirt and bra. Used to Nicole’s quick undressing and lack of bra, I grew impatient and didn’t waste time by merely looking at Megan’s breasts, latching onto them the second they came into view.
To my knowledge, I actually had not truly sucked Megan’s nipples yet, so I made sure to give her the royal treatment. I started delicately, using my tongue to tease her areola. Megan only made soft moans in response, cradling my head, giving slight pushes every now and then in a wordless plea for me to start sucking. However, I held back, switching to the other breast as I continued my delicate efforts, circling each nipple with my tongue. As I did, her nipple grew harder and stiffer, responding to my actions, begging for more. After about a minute of this, I figured she had enough of my teasing and pulled her nipple into my mouth, giving it a hard suck.
Megan moaned, hard, pulling me in even closer to her boob. With my free hand I began caressing her leg as I alternated playing with her nipple in between my teeth, flicking it with my tongue, and using my full mouth to give it a good hard suck. After a bit, I moved to her other nipple and did the same, but I quickly grew bored of only having access to what was above the waist.
As I took my mouth off of her nipple, either Megan read my mind or was as eager as I was, Immediately, she got up and took off her yoga pants and panties, fully casting them aside as she bent over, placing her hands on the cold rock. “T-take me, Adam…” She said timidly.
I’ll give Megan this, the cold didn’t really seem to bother her. Matching her movements, I dropped my pants and underpants to my ankles in one motion. My dick, fully erect from the earlier foreplay, slapped her on her ass cheek. Realizing what just slapped her, Megan moaned in anticipation.
I didn’t allow that anticipation to last long, though. If anything, I was afraid of the possibility of getting caught, and wasted no time. After aligning my dick with Megan’s already-wet pussy, I grabbed on to her ass cheeks and pushed myself in with one thrust, earning an “Aie!” of pain from her.
I wasn’t drunk with lust this time, and despite going all the way into her with one thrust, I didn’t want Megan to hurt, so I gave her time to accommodate. Plus, even though her pussy was wet, I had no lubrication on me going in, so it slightly hurt me too. As she shifted, getting used to me, the time given to me allowed my pain to dissipate, and when the time felt right, I slowly started to pump in and out of Megan’s waiting love tunnel.
“Mmmmm…” Megan moaned in appreciation as I started out slowly, savoring the electric feeling that coursed throughout me as my grip on her cute little ass tightened and I began to push in further. As I did so, my thrusts became slower so that we could both really enjoy what we were doing. I leaned forward as I slowly thrust into Megan, kissing my way up her back as I slowly thrust my full self again and again into her.
“Adammmm…” She sensually moaned. Soon, however, she evidently became bored of my slow speed, as she began to pick up speed herself, impaling herself again and again on me.
With an internal laugh, I shrugged and gripped her ass again, thrusting myself fully into her quickly. She rewarded me with a “Mm!” that showed how much she wasn’t expecting that. Savoring my victory, I picked up speed, my dick drilling Megan’s pussy as I went faster and faster, deeper and deeper.
Megan’s juices began to flow, starting to go down her legs as she thrust herself back onto me with as much force as I was using on her. For good measure, I gave her a single spank as I kept going, which caused her to give a groan in a mix of pain and pleasure.
On and on we went, losing track of time as Megan’s ass became redder from the cold and occasional spank. Eventually I felt a stirring that became all-too-familiar with me in the past few months, and with one final slam, I let out a breathy groan as I emptied myself into Megan. She moaned at the feel of my seed entering her, and slowly shifted on me, attempting to milk me for all I was worth.
About a minute passed before she slowly removed me from her and started to put on her clothes again.
“You didn’t get to cum, did you?” I bluntly asked.
She shook her head and smiled. “It’s okay, though. As long as my boyfriend is happy, I’m happy.” She smiled at me as she shook her shirt free of snow and pulled it over her head again. Startled by the sudden cold, she sat back down and pulled into me. I was already fully clothed, apparently having learned how to dress quickly through subconscious telepathy by Nicole.
Why was I thinking so much about Nicole? It never really occurred to me, and I started to think about it for the first time as Megan embraced me in an attempt to escape the cold. I kept comparing the things she did, how it felt around her, to Nicole. Was Paul right? Was I that hopeless without her? I guess it made sense. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Nothing would have made me happier at that moment to have her, the best friend I had made in high school… No, ever… To just message me now, asking to hang out. Nothing sexual, definitely nothing romantic, just… being around each other.
I turned back to Megan, who was just about surgically attached to my torso. At least I have her, I thought to myself. Though, that was little compensation, given the very shallow connection we had between us.
I actually had this odd gratefulness about me in that moment. I was strangely grateful that we weren’t going to the party together.
“A party, huh?” Dad asked me at the dinner table.
I shrugged. “I figured there’s a first time for everything.” I turned to mom and winked. “And hey, it means I’ll be going out and meeting new people.”
Mom smiled hesitantly. “Sweetie, we’re very proud of you, and the lengths you’ve gone to show us that you’re willing to make friends. It really means a lot.”
“But…” Dad began as if they were sharing the same sentence.
“But what?” I asked, putting down my fork.
Mom and dad looked at each other. “Well…” Mom began. “It’s just that we know what happens at these high school parties, and we just want you to be careful.”
“Yeah.” Dad chimed in. “We can’t have you having fun without us around to nag you about the consequences. After all, you could get pregnant.”
“We’re not going to forbid you from going to the party.” Mom continued, ignoring dad. “And we certainly don’t expect you to abstain from any of the things going on. Just… Just be careful. Don’t do anything you’ll end up regretting.”
“We’re all for you having fun, but getting overly drunk in grade 9 is something that not just we will be mad at.” Dad continued. “You’ll really come to regret it too if you overdo it. And don’t even get me started on getting a girl pregnant.”
“Dad, I’m in grade 9.” I countered. I felt a bit guilty countering with that given everything I’ve done since grade 9 started.
“I know.” He nodded seriously. “But I don’t need to be a biology teacher to know that this is the age where you start feeling urges and figuring things out, so to speak.”
“Dad…” I responded lamely, feeling my cheeks burn.
“Just don’t overdo it. Remember, you’ve got literally your entire life. And I’m going to pull a dad moment here – if you can, your mother and I would appreciate it if you had no sex at the party. You’re young, you’re curious, so we’re okay with you having a little alcohol, maybe even a little weed if it’s there.”
“Timothy.” Mom interjected with disapproval in her voice.
He turned to her. “If we try to go our entire lives protecting him from it, that’s just going to make him want to rebel more. I want our son to grow up to be who he’ll be, not our deluded picture of perfection. It’ll be much better for him if we’re open with it when he’s young so he doesn’t overdo it when he’s older.”
Mom maintained her scowl, but didn’t say anything. Dad turned back to me. “Anyway, we’re cool with that, just… not sex. That has very real consequences, consequences you don’t even know exist.”
That last comment worried me. Obviously, they didn’t know that I’ve had sex before. Hell, they didn’t even know I had a girlfriend. (I was used to not telling them much about my life.) But did I fully understand the consequences? Obviously I wasn’t going to get either Nicole or Megan pregnant, but that was all I knew. How would this change my life? Would I be better off if I had waited? Would Nicole and I even be friends if I did? Did Nicole have an STD and not bother to tell me? I had no clue.
While my mind was wandering through the land of the unknown consequences, dad was still rambling on. He brought me back to reality by asking, “Do you understand?”
“Dad, I’m in grade 9.” I repeated.
“You said that.” Dad remarked.
“I won’t be having sex, dad. Don’t worry. I’ll never be that popular.” I promised him.
“It sneaks up on you.” Dad said, earning a look of distaste from mom. “The popularity, I mean.” he clarified.
“Okay, sweetie. As long as you’re careful, we’ll bring you to and from the party.” Mom said sweetly. “What time should we drop you off, and where?”
“Um…” It slipped my mind. I reached for my phone.
My first party. Yeah, I wasn’t going to have sex, but sex doesn’t make a party, does it? I’m sure the high school populous isn’t as shallow as that, I thought to myself.
I sure was glad that dad dropped me off down the street from the party, because once again, I was proven wrong. I doubt I even had the right to be surprised at this point, but even around the area when I walked in through the front door, where there wasn’t dancing that was a little too close for comfort, there were couples that looked like Siamese twins joined at the lips or pelvis, or people drinking and smoking. Barely any conversation was shared, barely any room to breathe, and the only thing I could recognize from my world present at that party were the bowls of chips and other party food. Everyone stayed away from the Cheetos, though – it looked as if somebody spilled their beer in that bowl.
“Yo, Adam!” Dylan came out of the crowd and clamped one arm around me. His other arm was busy supporting a hand that had a half-empty beer can in it. “Glad you could make it, bro! Havin’ a good time so far?”
“I just got here.” I responded in a voice that came across colder than I wanted it to be.
Dylan laughed like I just told a hilarious joke, bobbing his whole body up and down as he did so. Since his arm was still around me, I bobbed up and down with him. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable again, and wondered if such a big, loud, crowded party was too much for my rapidly changing self to take in.
Despite clearly being at least a little buzzed already, Dylan noticed my lack of comfort. “Don’t worry, man!” He soothed me. “First time is always a little weird. You know what? I know what you need.” He took his arm off of me and waded back into the crowd, offering me some breathing space in the process. A few seconds later, he came back with an unopened beer in his other hand. Grinning, he handed it to me. “Here you go, man.” He said, satisfied with himself.
I looked at the beer in my hand and my stomach churned. I didn’t even want to drink tonight, truth be told, and the party atmosphere was really getting to me. I don’t think the beer’s loosening effects would have countered the anxiety I would have gotten from drinking it, so I handed it back.
Dylan looked at me with a confused face. Attempting to feign confidence, I replied, “It’s cool, man. I’m still trying to take in the feeling of a party. Once I’ve settled in, then I’ll have a beer.”
He nodded. “Right on.” He commented flatly. He made sure I was looking at the beer then hid it behind a potted plant. “The beer’s right here when you’re ready for it. We cool?”
“We cool.” I replied, ignoring how stupid I sounded. He disappeared back into the crowd, giving me the breathing space to look around the room.
How did so many people get here?! As far as I knew, I had arrived right on time. Was arriving on time considered late for parties? Or was this small for a crowd? If it were the latter, I prayed the floorboards would be able to keep intact.
The atmosphere sure was something. What looked like a small layer of fog hung over the crowd. I wasn’t able to tell if that was from the weed, a fog machine, or if fog just seemed to naturally form at these events. The music, alternating from crappy electronic pop to crappy electronic pop with steel guitars, rung in my ears with the resonant frequency of a steel bridge. No wonder no one bothered to talk – no one would be able to hear them anyway. It smelled of body spray – many different types, in fact. Everyone needed to make sure they smelled their best, and apparently, dress their worst. The heat was on full blast in the house, meaning that people could take their sweaters off with their coats, leaving a collection of ripped t-shirts, tank tops and an assortment of slutty clothing (with the guys being just as slutty as the girls) underneath, but also meaning everyone’s faces flushed with the heat as well as their own drunkenness.
Not quite knowing where to go, I began to wander. Every little action the partygoers engaged in caught my eye as I wandered like they were all pieces from a museum of an alien culture, and I was just a curious visitor, passing through. Each room seemed to have its own theme – the dining room was full of drinking and eating, the living room full of dancing and humping, the deck full of smoking and laughing, the foyer full of welcoming and cheering, and the kitchen, thankfully enough, was barely populated and served as a break room for people who couldn’t take in all of the hectic action. Although, it was apparent that I was the only one that fit that description.
The only other person in the kitchen was Jeff, the VP, apparently guarding the fridge. I got the impression that Megan hadn’t quite cleared my name yet. From when I entered, he just gave me a cold glance and said nothing.
I didn’t even bother to acknowledge his presence though. All I could do was catch my breath from the shock of so many people crammed together in one house.
“What are you doing here?” Jeff finally asked me.
“Hey, Jeff.” I responded, finally able to control myself. “Your brother invited me.”
“He doesn’t have a say in what goes on with these parties.” He informed me. “I do.”
“Ah, cool.” I said nonchalantly.
“I don’t care who you think you are, but anybody who disrespects the council like you do is not welcome in my house.” He continued. He started to approach me.
“Woah, woah, woah!” I said, backing up. “Phil told you not to treat me any differently!” I got the feeling that that particular request went through one ear of every council member there and out the other. “Megan and I are cool now! Hell, she was supposed to come with me!” This didn’t stop him, so I continued. “I’m… I’m her boyfriend now!”
Jeff just stopped, looking more like he had confusion on his face than forgiveness.
I took this as an opportunity to continue. “We came to an understanding on Monday. We’re good now, I promise. She said she’d clear things up the next meeting. I’m not a bad guy. I swear!” I was breathily heavily at this point. I don’t know if it was fear of being beaten up by such a big guy like Jeff, or if it was just me being sick of this shit, but I had to hold back tears. I wasn’t really emotional though – they were mostly tears of fear.
“I don’t care.” He finally said. “You yelled back at Phil, and you fucking lied to boot. There’s no excuse for that.” He started to approach me again.
Actually, there was, but I was caught off guard and my mouth refused to work as he approached me. Well, I thought, it sure was a nice life I had. Too bad it had to end so soon.
Out of nowhere, like a miracle – no, like a Hand of God giving me a pat on the back, a voice from the crowd yelled out.
It sounded like a senior, a grade 12. I looked past Jeff to see none other than Paul freaking Stevens running out of the crowd. He had a completely urgent look on his face, like aliens were visiting or something.
“Jeff,” he repeated, grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around. “You need to get to the living room, right now.” His tone was flecked with genuine fear.
“Why? I’m in the middle of something here.” Jeff responded a little crossly.
“Just go!” Paul all but shouted. Jeff caught his tone of urgency and promptly made for the living room. As soon as he was out of eye-shot, Paul dropped his scared expression and looked me dead in the eye. He made a gesture towards a door next to him and whistled. I caught his drift and, not knowing where the door, faithfully followed his gesture, opening the door to find it led me to an empty backyard. He followed and shut the door behind him.
“You sure do have a talent for alienating people.” Paul calmly said, reaching into a tote bag, pulling out a Coke, and opening it.
“You looked scared to death back there.” I commented, not knowing what else to say.
Paul shrugged while taking a sip of his Coke. “Salvador may get on your nerves from time to time, but he’s a damn good teacher.”
“Fair.” I replied. “Thanks for saving my ass back there.”
“No worries.” Paul said casually, taking another sip. “I could totally be on the wrong side about this whole thing, but I’ve got the nagging feeling that your actions are being misunderstood.”
I gave an annoyed laugh in agreement, then turned my attention to him. “So what the heck are you even doing here? I thought you weren’t popular.”
He grinned at me. “My words have a way of coming back to bite me in the ass.” He commented dryly. He walked around the back of the house until the deck was in view. He motioned for me to follow, then pointed to a person on the deck. “That’s my reason for being here, smoking what looks like a blunt.”
That person was May, sitting on a deck chair, getting high enough to impress Orville Wright. “Holy shit…” I mumbled aloud. I definitely didn’t think May was the type.
“Yup. Might wanna steer clear of her if you want to avoid future trouble.” Paul added. “I was her ride, and figured I might as well enjoy high school culture at its finest.” He looked around himself in a circle. “So far I’m disappointed.”
I laughed. “No kidding.” I added.
“Well, Jeff’s going to be looking for me.” Paul remarked out loud. “I think I’ll head back now. Deck’s that way, you know the door to the kitchen. Are you going to be alright?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I replied. “Thanks again.”
“Don’t mention it.” Paul smiled. “Just stay out of the kitchen if you can. Oh, and give me your number. Just in case something goes down and you need a ride back, I’ve got my car.”
I gave him my number and he put it in his phone with a smile. “Cool. Enjoy the party!” He said, walking away. I would have waved at him, but he was already gone.
Looking around cautiously, I walked up to the deck and made my way back inside, making sure May couldn’t see me in the process. I made a mental note not to go back to the kitchen, where Jeff no doubt was maintaining his position. Sadly, that was the only place in the house where the sound and commotion was minimal, so I gave up and just sat on an uninhabited chair in the living room. I probably looked lame as all hell, sitting in the corner during a party, but at least it was more peaceful, trying to shut the world out.
“…Adam?” I heard a low voice ask, breaking me out of my trance. “No fucking way. Adam Watson?”
I lifted my head up and had a heart attack. In the middle of the crowd stood Kenny, Thomas and Isaiah, three guys who I knew all too well from middle school. While they never were the masterminds behind my bullying, as all middle school kids tended to do, they followed the leader and bullied me as they saw others do time and time again. They were a grade above me, so I got a years’ worth of peace away from them, but I never thought I’d see them again after switching schools. I guess word of mouth got the announcement of a party pretty far.
As they approached me, I prepared for the worst and cringed. This only made Kenny laugh, which reminded me how mean-sounding his natural laugh was.
“Wow. This dude changed!” Thomas commented.
“He lost the fuckin’ jewfro.” Isaiah noted.
“Looks like he’s been hittin’ the gym too.” Kenny commented. “What the fuck are you doing at a place like this, bro?”
I hesitated, waiting to see if one of them would pull a punch or something. All three seemed drunk as hell, but not hostile. I stood up straight and nervously cleared my throat. “D-Dylan invited me. I’m a member of student council now.”
As if on cue, all three of the guys started hooting and hollering. “Woah, dude, you pulled a 180!” Kenny commented. “Looks like you’re finally out of the nerd hole. Welcome to where the big boys play, man.” He held out his hand. Still nervous, I shook it.
“Man…” Thomas muttered out loud, then went up to me and forcefully threw his hand around me, grabbing my shoulder. “This dude right here…” He loudly and drunkenly slurred. “This is Adam fuckin’ Watson. He used to be like the lamest fuckin’ dude. And now this shithead is partyin’ with the top dogs. We need to get this fucker a beer!” People around him cheered as one person disappeared to the kitchen.
“No, really, guys, I’m…” I trailed off, noticing that through a window to the deck, I had a perfect view of May, and vice versa. With too much noise, she could notice me at any moment. “Uhh, guys, could you keep down the noise?” I added in a worried voice, not taking my eyes off of May.
“Wait…” Isaiah said, trying to process what was going on. “Why?” Through the crowd, someone handed me a beer. Again. I was too tired at this point to protest, so without any plans of even taking a sip, I accepted the can, my eyes still fixed on May.
Kenny’s eyes followed mine and looked out the window at May. A grin soon spread across his dark-toned lips. “Oh, man!” He exclaimed, eyes now fixed on May as well. “He’s been eyein’ the same chick we have, guys. Adam Watson is a play-aaa!” A chorus of ‘Ooo’s filled our crowd.
“No, it’s not like that.” I defended myself. “I don’t want to get with her or anything.”
“Why are you looking at her so much then?” Isaiah drunkenly challenged me with a grin of his own on his bearded face.
I sighed. For the umpteenth time, I explained the whole situation to a group of people that I probably shouldn’t even have. The whole time, the three were at least smiling, blinking slowly. I’m not sure quite why I told them. Perhaps the atmosphere of the party was giving me a contact buzz from all of the drunk people, if that was even possible. When I was finished my story, all three of them whooped in unison.
“Dude, fuck her!” Thomas all but yelled.
“What?!” I asked him in disbelief.
“If she acted like that, she’s playin’ hard to get. She wants you to chase her, man. Green light, bro! Get her drunk like… Like right now, and she’s ripe for fuckin’!” Thomas explained.
“I have a girlfriend. SHE has a BOYFRIEND.” I reasoned.
All three guys looked at each other. “So?” Kenny finally asked. “Fucking is fucking. No one has to know what goes on here tonight, man. That’s the beauty of these things.”
Isaiah punched me in the arm. “We’ve been here before, bro.” He reasoned. “Fuck her.”
“If it’s so easy, why don’t you guys do it?” I asked.
“Dude…” Isaiah said seriously, making a disapproving face. “We totally could. But you couldn’t get any ho here without a pocket fulla X. You need to ease yourself into the culture of these things, and the perfect way to start is with some good old-fashioned sexual tension.”
“Plus, we can get any piece of ass we want.” Kenny confidently added. To prove his point, he turned his attention back to the crowd. “Hey, Brittany!” He yelled.
A frankly slutty-looking brunette in a tank top whirled her head around to look at him. Kenny made a sex gesture with his hands, pointed upstairs, and showed her a five with his fingers. She grinned and nodded, then turned back to continue whatever she was doing. He turned back around to face me. “See?” He asked as if it were obvious. “We got these bitches ’cause we’ve been here before. But you need to start slow, bro. You’re still kinda geeky.”
“You have to fuck her.” Thomas agreed, nodding. He pushed his blond hair out of his face.
“Why is it so important that I… f-fuck her?” I asked.
“Because we just told you to.” Thomas replied smugly, leaning in close to me and grinning. “You at least have to talk to her, bro. You guys got history. It would suck if you just have to live out your days avoiding eye contact…”
“Fuckin’ drama…” Isaiah commented.
“At least pretend you don’t hate each other.” Kenny added, shrugging. It was like this trio shared the same brain. “We just want you to have a good time, man.”
“Two years ago that wasn’t the case.” I retaliated, folding my arms.
“Is it two years ago?” Kenny asked me. “Fuckin’ no it ain’t.” He broke into yet another grin. “Just go with it and don’t look at the past. We’re helpin’ you get your game on, man. You’re doin’ a pretty bad job of saying thanks.”
“Saying th-” I started in disbelief, but I held myself back. I was growing sick of these guys, even if they weren’t treating me like they used to. “You know what guys, I will. I’m gonna go talk to her.”
The three guys cheered and fist-bumped me in turn. “You won’t regret it, man.” Isaiah said cheerfully.
“I bet.” I laughed. “Well… See you! Enjoy the party.”
“Yup.” Kenny replied, standing still. “See ya.”
I waited for a bit. “Aren’t you guys gonna… you know… Mingle? Go see other people? Go screw… what’s her name… Brittany?”
“I don’t think you’re gonna do it.” Kenny replied, a smug smile plastered on his face. “Plus Brittany has probably found someone else to fuck by now.” He looked around the crowd. “Yup.” He said to himself.
Jesus Christ. “Okay, fine, I’m actually doing it. But for the record, and I’ve wanted to say this for a while, you guys are assholes.” I said with a sudden burst of confidence.
“You call us assholes now.” Isaiah said in a phony, kind of racist Japanese-sounding voice. “But soon you will learn that we are the Great Teachers.” The three guys burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes as I walked towards the deck, the full, unopened beer in my hand.
Why was I doing this? How the hell did the three guys manage to make me do this? It’s like they were still bullying me, but found a new tactic to use. I hated everything.
I approached May and my heart caught in my throat. The smell of weed mixed with copious amounts of her perfume invaded my nostrils as I got closer and closer. She was sitting on a lounge chair in a slightly revealing outfit which showed off her flat stomach, legs and shoulders. I know I wasn’t allowed to think such things, but damn, did she ever look good.
“Hey.” I weakly said. She didn’t hear me, or knew I was there and ignored me. Figuring it was the former, I cleared my throat and repeated myself. “Hey.”
She opened her eyes slowly and lazily, revealing her trademark beautiful hazel eyes surrounded my lines of red. If pot could kill, I think she would be the example. “Oh my God.” She said flatly in an annoyed voice. “Fuck off, Adam.”
Well, that was all I needed. Almost grateful, I mumbled a “Sorry,” and turned around, starting to leave. However, I was not that lucky. I heard May loudly sigh behind me as she added, “No, wait, come on back.”
I turned around to see her clumsily stand up and saunter over to me. “Whaddya want?” She slurred, making an effort to stand upright. It looked like she had been drinking too.
“Nothing, I just… Sorry.” I said, turning away again.
“Nuh-uh,” She said, grabbing me by the collar. “What… do you want?” She repeated.
“Nothing.” I repeated. “I guess I just wanted to talk.”
A slow crooked smile spread across her beautiful lips. She giggled slightly. “Cool.” She said simply. She walked back to her chair and crept up behind a girl right next to it, who seemed to just be in a swimsuit. She looked around to make sure no one else was watching and yanked the girl’s bottoms to her feet. The girl did nothing but pull up her hands and shriek, which got the attention of pretty much every guy on the deck, who quickly got around her, cheering, even as she tried to cover herself up. At this point, May was back at my side, laughing slightly and my shocked face.
“Isn’t it funny?” She drunkenly asked me, all smug and proud of herself.
“Why the hell did you do that?!” I asked her in disbelief. “That poor girl…”
“You’ll see.” She answered simply as she grabbed my arm and headed for the house. She tugged my arm as she did so, dragging me along. When she finally got to the open doorway to the living room, she made her announcement.
“Hey… Hey, everyone! Desiree is putting on a show for everyone outside!” May loudly exclaimed. As if one cue, practically everyone ran past us to see Desiree in her exposed state.
“See?” May asked as if it was clear what she was doing. Slowly and gracelessly, she walked over to the sofa and plopped down on it. “Now we have a place to sit and talk.” She patted the spot on the couch next to her.
Looking around, I hesitantly sat next to May. There were one or two people still in the room, and occasionally someone would come back in, but the area was mostly deserted now and no one there had their attention focussed on us.
“Is… Is Desiree going to be okay?” I timidly asked her.
May laughed. “Desiree is totally cool with it. A hot guy told me she does it herself, like, every party. Look.” She pointed out the window.
I looked out the window, and sure enough, the same girl was commanding a semi-circle of guys, her bottoms back up but pulling her swim top down so that all of the guys could see her B cup breasts. She had a laughing smile plastered on her face. It didn’t look like she was hurt, or anything. She was just rolling with such an exposing act by exposing herself. How weird.
“So, Adam, you fucking liar…” May began with nothing but drunken laughter in her voice. “How’s it- how’s it going for you? You like a party?”
“Um, it sure isn’t what I expected. I mean, I-”
“Wait.” May said, almost urgently, looking me in the eye. “You are like, all articulate and stuff.” She observed. “You can really hold beer!”
I looked to my hand and saw the beer can. “Oh, this? Nah, it’s full. I don’t really wanna drink tonight.” I responded, looking back to her.
“You don’… it’s…” She processed slowly, mumbling to herself, then grabbed it out of my hand with both hands. “Then I wannit!” She slurred before opening it and taking a sip. “I think I juss’ might be a little drunk. I also… I also did weed.” She whispered the last part then laughed.
“Yeah, I saw.” I commented. “I always thought you were kind of the innocent, girl-next-door type.”
She laughed. “Innocent is no fun.” She stated before taking another sip. She giggled. “Adam, I fucking love you. You’re funny.” She put her arm around me then immediately retracted it and pushed me away. “But I also hate you for lyin’ to me.”
“No no, that’s not what happened.” I protested. “See, Megan made me blow her while you were still dating Carson. She wanted it to be no strings attached because I did stuff with Nicole before too. But after, she wanted me to be romantic with her. I refused, so she got mad at me. So she took revenge on me by cutting me off from you. What she said was true, it was just out of context. Truth be told, I did really like you, May.”
May tried, evidently really hard, to process what I said. “Megan…” She said finally. “What a skanky bitch.”
“You didn’t understand most of what I just said, do you?” I asked her, a smile forming on my face.
“Nope.” She flatly responded, taking another sip. “She’s still a skanky bitch though. And you’re still an asshole.” She pulled up her legs and let them rest on top of mine. “A funny asshole though. I still… I still like you. I can’t stay mad a’ you.”
I paused. “She and I are together now. Megan and I.”
“Skanky bitch doesn’ deserve you.” May said angrily, like she was fighting back tears. “I’m stuck with fuggin’ Carson again.”
“Hey, Carson’s a great guy!” I defended him.
May grinned. “He’s a cool guy. A really cool guy. He fucks sooo good too.”
Okay, too much information. “Great to hear, May.” I said, hoping to God she’d move to a new topic.
Nope. “But he’s fucking boring. I mean, who wants-a talk abou’ Marvel? Fuckin’… fuckin’ nobody.” She rambled. “I don’ get him. He’s like… He’s like all full of himself and weird. I don’ wanna be with him.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, May.” I consoled, rubbing her shoulder. “Maybe you should bring this up with Car-”
“I wanna be with you.” She said out of the blue, looking into my eyes.
I would have gotten up and protested right then and there, but her legs were on top of mine. “What?” I finally managed.
“I wanna be with you, Adam.” She repeated. “I didn’ juss’ kiss you for no reason! I was like- I could like- You and me… We would be soooo good together. You don’ even know.”
“And I won’t know.” I said. “I’ve got a girlfriend. You’ve got a boyfriend.”
“You… are not happy with Megan.” May drunkenly hypothesized, pointing a finger at me. “It’s like… it’s like… Every time you bang, every time you have this emotional shit… you think of someone else.”
Nicole. “Okay, you win.” I admitted. “You’re correct.”
“So you’re not satisfied. I’m not satisfied. Fuck Carson.” She took her legs off of me and pulled her mouth to my ear. “Adam, I’m real fuckin’ wet right now.”
I couldn’t believe the cute, innocent girl I had a crush on was whispering such obscene things in my ear. Worse, she was in a relationship. However, my urges were starting a battle. “May…” I said, weaker than I would have liked, “You have a boyfriend. I’ll forget this whole thing happened if you just stop. Please.”
But she only grinned and took my hand. “You want it.” She told me as she guided my hand to her crotch. I felt a moist spot, tainted with the heat radiating from her pussy and let out a small moan, partially of shock.
“Told ya.” May said triumphantly. “I won’t tell. You won’t tell. No one around us is gonna blab.”
“May… Please stop…” My good nature was being stripped away slowly by my hormonal urges. I was going to cave soon, and May knew it.
She leaned in close to my ear again, this time moving to my neck, slowly kissing it. She moved up to my ear and nibbled on the lobe, giggling naughtily as she slowly removed her hand from mine. Curse my hormones, my hand kept going. She kept kissing and lightly sucking my neck before slowly removing it just far enough to speak. “You wanna take this upstairs?”
My conscious mind wasn’t even switched on at this point. Wordlessly, I just stopped petting her, took her hand and started to go upstairs. May, giggling, put down her beer and kept close to me. We walked upstairs and knocked on a few doors. A few responses were heard from some rooms, but eventually, we found one unoccupied room. Once we got in, May immediately got on the bed and spread her legs.
She looked simply delicious. “Oh my god…” I moaned aloud. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
“Shut up and get over here.” May drunkenly ordered, taking her pants off. I jumped up on on the bed and took a good long look at her panties. Pink lace. Great choice. I slowly, teasingly, slid them down her beautiful legs and marveled at her pussy.
I’m guessing Carson liked it shaved, because not even a hint of stubble could be seen. Her pussy has small and beautiful, yet her lips, glistening with May’s juices, puffed out and looked simply inviting. Going slowly, I started to lick around her folds.
“Nuh-uh,” May moaned in impatience. “No foreplay. Just do it please.”
If that’s what she wants, I reasoned to myself. Too pent up to even think about what I was doing, I dove in, extending my tongue into May’s love tunnel. May moaned instantly as my tongue penetrated her, and started get get into a lapping rhythm inside of her.
“Oh, fuck yeeeeaaah.” She sighed. I grabbed around her thighs as I tried to make my tongue go deeper, allowing her as much pleasure as I could possibly give her.
My tongue darted back and forth, hitting every pleasure button I knew. My arms went from grabbing her thighs to traveling up and down her body. I caressed her clothed C cups for a bit, earning a bit of a moan from her. My hands travelled downwards until they got down to her ass, and I almost stopped in surprise. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice this, but May’s ass was much larger than I originally thought it was. I knew she had wide hips, but I never quite noticed her ass. It completely filled my hands and then some, and it felt heavenly to the touch. Moaning into her pussy, I told myself that I just had to get a better feel of it.
I stopped and took my head out from between her legs, earning a complaint from her. Before she could protest further, I whipped her around so that her face was in the pillows. She lifted her head out to breathe just as I positioned her legs so that her ass was sticking right up into the air. I admired my work.
God damn. How did I miss out on this? Her adorable bubble butt, curvy and smooth with a beautiful pale complexion, had barely any sag to it. I did notice a few stretch marks – no doubt left over from her history of being fatter she told me about – yet as I looked at it, I couldn’t help but move my head forward to lick and lightly bite her cheeks, which earned a small, continuous moan from her.
I didn’t waste any time, and dove into her pussy again, eating her out for all I was worth. Unlike Nicole and Megan, I could say that May actually distinctly tasted good – like a delicate, subtle, almost bland fruit flavor – which only encouraged me eat her out deeper and faster. As my tongue worked its magic on her love tunnel, May grabbed the pillow in front of her and scrunched it up against her, her moans quickly becoming louder and more frantic.
I lost track of time as I kept eating her out. Minutes passed as seconds before me as I realized that May was showing the telltale signs of being close. Trying to impress her, I went even faster and harder, cramping up my tongue as I did so. My efforts were not in vain – soon after, May tensed up her whole body, and remained there as I shoved my tongue fully inside her. I froze as May reveled in the waves of pleasure her orgasm was giving her. She didn’t squirt or even give me anything extra, but I knew she was feeling the pleasure overtake her. She remained there, giving a silent groan as she slowly adjusted on me. Finally, she collapsed on the bed, taking my tongue out of her in the process.
“That was amazing.” She panted, clearly a little sobered up at this point. “Not even Carson is that good.”
I just shrugged, grinning confidently.
“Well, I think you just earned yourself a little something, Adam Watson.” May grinned back as she got on her knees, matching my height on the bed. She leaned in and kissed me, shoving her tongue into my mouth, tasting her own juices and melting into my arms as she also reached down below decks and undid my jeans button and fly. Breaking the kiss, she smiled knowingly at me as she pulled my pants and underwear down in one go. Her eyes wandered down to my dick, and as her eyes fluttered back up to mine, she flashed me a smile of approval. She and I swapped places as I leaned back against the pillows and had May’s mouth put me in my own personal heaven.
May didn’t just start by downing my cock. Instead, she teased me, licking all up and down the shaft, occasionally focussing her tongue’s efforts on the head or on my balls just to tease me, occasionally looking up at me and giggling. And god damn, she had a great tongue on her.
When I couldn’t take any more teasing, she went right down to business, taking more than half of me into her mouth on the first bob. Instantly, her velvety warm mouth made me groan as I felt sparks traveling all over my skin, starting and ending between my legs. Her hands travelled my now slightly muscular body as she continued sucking, looking like she was enjoying this as much as I was. She clearly had experience, and there was no doubt that she and Carson got down to business and did it frequently, because sweet, innocent little May was sucking my cock like a pro. I soon found my hands on the back of her head, caressing her beautiful brown locks, as I let out a moan of warning.
She understood and immediately took her mouth off of me, replacing it with her hand as she quickly jacked me off. While doing so, she spooned up against me and started to lightly kiss and suck my neck again, muttering words of encouragement in between.
“Come on, hot stuff. Let me see you cum. I want to see a big load coming out of your big dick.” She purred, emphasizing all of the right words. As she licked away at my neck again, my body tensed and fireworks went off in my head. I felt a pressure build up in my dick, then quickly discharge as I fired shot after shot everywhere. May had the foresight to lift up my shirt just as the first shot hit my stomach. The next shot hit her right in the arm, then the next few hit my stomach again.
With my discharge subsiding, I breathed heavily until I could see and think clearly again.
“Wow, May…” I managed. “You were incredible.”
“Yeah.” May smiled at me. “You were even better than… Than…” Her smile faded. “Carson. My boyfriend. Oh my god, he’s my boyfriend! Adam, what the hell did we just do?”
Guilt was starting to creep into me too now that the euphoria was fading, but I didn’t let it show. I didn’t want the situation to turn to panic. “May, it’s okay.” I soothed.
“No it’s not okay!” May objected, fear in her eyes. “I just… I can’t… Why?!” She got off the bed and immediately started putting on her clothes. I took the hint and started wiping myself off with a conveniently-placed tissue.
“Adam, this is not okay. I’m a faithful girl. I don’t cheat.” May protested in a panic.
“May, calm down.” I soothed her. “Keep a level head. Panicking won’t solve anything. You just had a bit too much to drink. Your judgement was clouded.”
May digested what I told her, the little cogs of her thought in motion. “Yeah…” She began slowly. “Yeah, I was drunk. But you’re sober, and you could think clearly! You took advantage of me!”
This was turning into Megan all over again. “Woah now.” I said, having put all of my clothes back on. I stood up, getting off the bed and facing her. “You may have been drunk, but you came on to me and didn’t take no for an answer. I told you I wouldn’t, but you kept trying to make me hornier until I caved. If anything, you took advantage of me, May.”
Fate smiled upon me, as May lowered her head and nodded weakly. “What do we do?” She asked, on the brink of tears.
I sighed. “We made a stupid mistake, but it would be selfish of us to just pretend it never happened, We need to do the right thing. We need to tell Carson and Megan.”
“Oh my god, no.” May responded instantly. “Carson wouldn’t forgive me. I don’t cheat, Adam. It’s not something I do.”
I laughed softly. “Well, guess what, May? You just cheated. We both did. We can figure out what we’re going to do in the long term later, but for now, we just disgraced our relationships by being unfaithful. Don’t you think we owe it to our partners to confess, live without secrets?”
May shook her head no. “This can just go away.” She answered simply. “I don’t cheat. I never have, and never will. And tonight won’t change that. Carson wouldn’t look at me again.”
As awful as it was for me to think so, I was a little glad to have a reason for Megan to want to break up with me. It would save the heartbreak and self-blame she’d feel of breaking up with her. however, I had to admit that this was not what I wanted at all.
“May, it’s the right thing.” I said firmly. “We need to be honest. If you’re not telling Carson, then I will.”
“You? His friend? He’ll kill you.” May said icily. “You’re not telling him.”
“If you won’t, then yes, I will.” I retaliated, feeling sick, like something bad was going to happen.
“You’re not telling him.” May repeated.
“You’re not telling him!” May shouted. “If you tell anyone we did this, I’m going to say that you raped me.”
Woah. WOAH. This was the next level of bad. Having the reputation of mistreating Megan was one thing, but rape accusations was grounds for a criminal offense.
“You’re joking.” Was the only thing I could think to say.
Sadly, May held her ground. “You’re not going to tell anyone about this, Adam.” She said, more confidently now that she knew she had a strategy. “This is going to be our little secret. Otherwise your high school life is going to be hell.”
“May, rape is nothing to joke about.” I told her seriously. “You can not go saying this. It’s cruel. It’s blackmail.”
“I don’t cheat, Adam.” May said, softening. “I’m sorry. I just need to protect myself.”
“With blackmail?” I asked her, enraged. “You can’t be serious. Why can’t you just accept what you did was wrong? I’ll forgive and forget you ever even said ‘rape’ if you just co-operate. Please.”
She bit her lip, tears returning to her eyes. “I’m sorry, Adam.” She repeated. “But it’ll be your word against mine. This is the only way I know you won’t tell.”
“I won’t stand for this.” I told her angrily. “I thought you were kind. I thought you were a good person. A kind person.”
Fire entered her eyes. “I AM a good person.” She yelled back at me. Lowering her voice, she added, “And If you don’t leave me be, I’m going to scream rape right now.”
“Oh my God, May…” I uttered in a mix of disbelief and exasperation.
“Don’t call my bluff.” She firmly stated. “I’m a good person, I just made a mistake.”
“Then own up to it!” I angrily spat back.
“If we keep it a secret, no harm will be done. If we spill the beans, people will judge me.” May defended herself.
“I’m judging you pretty damn hard right now.” I fired back. “You can’t be serious.”
“Want to find out?” She challenged me. “Get out.” She then drew in a large breath of air like she was about to shout. From the look of her face, it looked like she was serious. I threw up my hands in resignation and exited the room, shutting the door behind me.
I instantly collapsed against the same door. Jesus Christ. I just cheated on Megan. I just cheated on Megan with my crush, who turned out to be ten times as manipulative and cruel. Holy shit. ‘Was it worth it?’ My mind asked me. ‘I sure fucking hope it was, you idiot.’
Strangely enough, a small chuckle built up from within me. I felt like absolute garbage, but I found myself laughing. Almost every girl I became friends with so far liked me. All of those girls were manipulative as hell, in one way or another. All of those girls had something going wrong upstairs. And all of those girls managed to find a way to hurt me, badly. I kept up my laugh until it hurt, until it turned into a cry.
I needed to go home. I pulled out my phone, realizing I needed to call in Paul for that favor. I turned it on to see I had a message from Megan.
Hey handsome! How was the party?? 🙂 🙂
Well, that really stung. As I read that text over and over to myself, I realized that even though Megan and I didn’t click, she was sweet, and kind, and deserved to know. You know what? Being called a rapist would be hell, but it’s what I deserved. I didn’t care what May said, I was going to do the right thing. Megan deserved it. She sure as hell deserved better than me. I then realized that I only gave Paul my number, not the other way around, when God essentially sent me a message of his own, telling me he had my back.
Hey, how’s the party? You doing alright? A random number, one I presumed to be Paul texted me.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Thanks, God. This may seem sudden, but could I get a ride home? Like, now? I texted back.
Immediately I got a response. Meet me outside the front entrance.
Words could not describe the relief, shame, guilt, and confusion I felt.
Before going downstairs, I freshened up in the washroom, and shortly after, I bolted out of the house to find Paul leaning against his crappy Caravan.
“Hey.” He waved to me. “Let’s go mobile. After this I gotta come back and drive May home.” I wordlessly agreed and we got in the car. “I figured with the way you and May are, it would be best to make two trips.”
He had no clue how right he was. Clueless yet wise as usual. “Good call.” I remarked flatly.
He started the car and turned to me. “So, how was it? I understand why you wanted to leave immediately.” He told me with a smile.
“Sorry, Paul, would you mind if I asked for a little silence? No disrespect or anything, I just… Rough night.” I responded.
Paul got the message immediately. “You bet. Hope things get better soon.” He said simply as he got onto the street. And that was the last thing either one of us said to each other that night.
My bed had never felt more comfortable than that night. My parents were still up by the time I got home, wanting to make sure their little boy was okay after his first party, and I used up the last of my energy convincing them I was fine and had fun. Afterwards, I immediately went to my bed with barely enough energy to take my clothes off, and finally fell into a deep sleep, feeling haunted. Haunted by my own actions. I was a god damn cheater. I truly was an asshole. And now, as far as the school was concerned, I was about to be a rapist. My mind travelled back a few months that night, as I realized just how much I hated myself again, for just being Adam, for existing.
“Adam.” My conscience seemed to call out to me, mocking me.
“Adam!” It was relentless, needing only my own name and nothing more to insult me.
“Adam!!” A sharp tap jolted me awake. Someone threw a rock at my window. Rubbing my eyes, I lazily hauled myself out of bed. Who the hell could that be? Did Megan find out already? Was May back for more blackmail?
Nope. It was Nicole, looking as self-assured as ever. I opened the window, letting a cold breeze in. However, it looked like I was experiencing the tropics compared to Nicole, who was still in her bathrobe.
“F-f-fucking finally.” She rasped with chattering teeth. “Could I come in? We need to talk.”
Normally, I would have either gotten mad at her or just asked if it could wait, but I was emotionally sapped tonight and really didn’t give a crap about anything. “Sure,” I tossed out the window emotionlessly. I looked back at my door and added, “The front door is…” And turned back to see that she had already expertly scaled my wall and was climbing in through my window. She shut it behind her and shivered.
“J-Jesus Christ, Princess Aurora.” She complained. “How deep a sleeper are you?! You kept me waiting for five minutes.”
“Sorry.” I flatly responded then climbed back into bed on autopilot.
Nicole jolted to attention, noticing how I was acting. “Are you okay?” She asked me urgently.
“I’m fine.” I lied. “Long day. Really sleepy. What do you need?”
“W-well…” She started, still shivering.
Despite my state, I still took pity on Nicole, whom I knew hated the cold to begin with. “It’s warmer in the bed.” I offered.
I certainly didn’t need to tell her twice. Instantly, she hopped in the bed, discarding her robe. As she entered the bed, her arm touched mine, and I realized just how just she was to the touch. It felt like a frozen metal pole. I could detect no warmth in her body. Nicole could catch hypothermia, or get frostbite. Instinctively, I hugged her. The feeling sucked, to say the least, and my body was getting cold very quickly, but after a bit, Nicole’s shivering died down.
“Th-th-thanks, s-squirt.” She said lovingly.
“You’re welcome.” I replied, a little bit more awake now. At this moment, I realized that Nicole wasn’t wearing anything, and that her naked, cold body was pressed up against mine, with nothing but a pair of boxers separating us. The feeling was odd, certainly made odder with the cold added in the mix, but weirdly enough, not sexual.
“So what is it?” I asked after waiting a couple minutes for her shivering to die down completely.
She shrugged. “I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you, that’s all.” Nicole casually stated.
“You waited outside in the cold to tell me that? And you thought that couldn’t wait until morning?” I asked her.
She shrugged again. “I felt like it was important you know. I just forgive you for all of those things you did. We’re a-okay again, hotshot.”
“That’s not all. Nicole, I’ve had a rough night. Don’t lie to me.” I said coldly, pulling myself away from her.
“Don’t…” Nicole said immediately and urgently, pulling me back into her. “…pull away. Please don’t pull away. Please don’t go away.” She pulled me even tighter against her, and buried her face into my neck. A few seconds passed, and suddenly I felt small wet spots on my neck. Nicole was silently crying.
“Woah, woah, woah!” I said out of instinct, hugging Nicole tighter. “It’s okay, Nicole. I’ve got you. Please tell me, what’s wrong?”
She kept crying for a solid minute, sobbing loudly now that I knew she was crying. When she could finally contain her crying, she managed to say, “Phil.”
“Phil? What about Phil? What did he do?” I peppered her with questions.
She sighed and pulled her face away from my neck to face me. She cleared her throat. “Well, originally, I wanted to go to the party tonight…” She began.
That would have been a disaster and a half, I thought to myself.
“…But he just wanted to hang out at his place, so I agreed. Like, an hour in, we started… doing stuff. Before I know it, we’re naked and Phil says he wants to go all the way with me. I wasn’t ready, so I refused. I think because of how I acted with him about the kiss, he just took my refusal as a challenge, and he… had his way with me.”
“Phil raped you?!” I asked.
Nicole paused. “It wasn’t rape. I wouldn’t call it rape. It was just a misunderstanding. Anyway, I didn’t want it, and he didn’t even think of me, and went fast, and just… he hurt me. It really hurt, Adam. I just… I dunno what to do.” With that, she buried her face in my neck again and out came a fresh batch of tears.
I held her for the longest time, what seemed like hours, before I felt like it was the right time to speak. “It’s okay, Nicole. Do what you think is right and I’ll support you. But what I would do is be honest. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t feel right for you, break up with him. After all, it doesn’t sound like he cares a lot about you if he hurt you with the act of love.”
“It runs in the fucking family.” Nicole muttered bitterly. I don’t think she expected me to understand what she meant as fully as I did. Thanks, Paul.
“Above all, I just want to see you happy. If he’s not making you happy, break up with him. Let him know why. You don’t deserve to be happy any less than anyone else. I’m sorry he hurt you, but I’m here to help.”
Nicole lifted her head yet again and gave me the sweetest and most genuine smile I ever saw her give me. “You make me happy.” She softly muttered. “Thank you, Adam.” She added, moving in for a kiss.
“Woah!” I exclaimed as I dodged the kiss. “I’m happy to help and all, but I have a girlfriend.”
“I missed a lot.” Nicole said, her soft tone still keeping. “Who?”
“Megan.” I said. Noting her questioning face, I added, “I know it won’t last that long, but I have to respect her. I made the commitment.”
Nicole’s smile went from vulnerable and genuine to proud and very, very happy. “You sure turned yourself around, Adam. You’re quite the altruist.” She said proudly, pulling me in for a hug. “I’m really proud of you.”
Her saying that just made me feel more guilty. I wish I had the strength to tell her, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t an altruist. I was a bastard. A selfish, cheating asshat. But I was going to change that. Silently, I swore to Nicole that I would become the altruist she thought I was. I would change. Adam Watson was going to be, as of this moment, a good guy. No longer a terrible, cheating lowlife.
And with that final thought, I held her, saying nothing, until I drifted off to sleep.
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