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In the Last Chapter…

Jeremy decides enough is enough and he’s going to resubmit Jordan’s report to implicate him. Robyn learns that Matthew has broken up with Kathy. She comforts her friend, only for Kathy to drop enough hints that Matthew may be the General she’s looking for. Robyn talks to Matthew, and both of them realize exactly what is going on. To seal the deal, she has sex with him. Afterwards, Kevin comes over to deliver the news that Jordan was suspended, and Robyn might be in trouble with the school, or worse, with Jordan himself…

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For a while, Kevin and I sat on a park bench, listening to the wind whistle by. It was a gorgeous day and that just pissed me off more. We talked and talked and talked, but once we got to the park and sat down, we both simultaneously sighed, then just sat there. I had no idea what was going through Kevin’s mind – after all, he was fucking fine. It was me Jordan got violent with. It was me that could have been implicated in that report. It was me this was all happening to. And Kevin, with his power, could do something. Which meant he needed to.

“You need to help me,” I nearly croaked. I cleared my throat. It had been a while since I talked.

Kevin just stared at the gravel path in front of us, and lamely shrugged. “…How?” he asked with no energy.

“How? How?!” I repeated in disbelief. “You are one of the most powerful students at this fucking school and can do more things than some teachers can do, and Jordan helped you do it, and you’re asking me how?!” I buried my head in my hands. “You didn’t see him that day, Kevin. He fucking grabbed me by the neck. I get this can seem like a stupid drama thing, but that’s assau-”

“Assault, yeah,” Kevin quietly confirmed, and scratched the back of his head. “I imagine that’s why Jordan got booted.”

I lifted my head. “Um, no, dumbass,” I countered. “If that was why, they would have asked for my story. He got booted because of the report thing. The report that might have to do with me!!”

“Robyn,” Kevin said in an even tone. “Calm down. I get it, but please calm down. If you would have been implicated, the name would have been on the report, and as you yourself just said, if they thought you’d have anything to do with it, they’d talk to you.”

“And they might,” I continued. “What if it’s not on the report, but Jordan goes, ‘oh this was Robyn’s doing, after all I did threaten her, this must be her getting back at me, so fuck her’? If he’s getting suspended for doing something that has to involve another person, they’re going to ask him who this other person was, and call me crazy, but I don’t think Jordan will be in the mood to do me any favors anytime soon, now will he?”

Kevin was silent for a bit. Eventually, he started nodding. “Yeah, that makes sense,” he conceded. “They suspend him first, and then investigate you later or something.” He ran his hands over his face. 

“You need to help me. The whole Hazelwood Underground needs to help me,” I added.

Kevin just groaned.

“Hey, no. Fucking no,” I asserted. “No more fucking wishy-washy. I am in danger here, and if you have any principles or even care about m-”

“I know,” he admitted softly, then ran his hands through his hair in a show of stress. “I’m just… figuring out my next moves here. I’m not normally accustomed to, um, damage-control mode.”

“Me fucking either,” I sighed. I looked at him. “I’m sorry this is stressing you out, but-”

“Nah, no apologies,” Kevin replied. He looked at me, then slowly reached his hand forward. His hand landed on my leg, and he stroked it supportively. “This whole thing has sucked. I’m very aware that, um, no one is gonna get out of this unscathed in one way or another.”

“You’ll be fine,” I observed.

“You’d be surprised,” he countered. “But… I understand. I’ll keep my ear to the ground, and I’ll personally do what I can.”

“And the Underground?” I pressed.

“Robyn, how much has even trying to associate with them worked out for you so far?” he pressed, in this new odd tone. It was like… it was like he knew the whole time how dangerous this all would be for me.

“You enabled me,” I found myself saying quietly. I didn’t even have an accusatory tone. I was just… baffled.

“I know,” he groaned. “And I’m really sorry. Believe me… you deserve… an explanation… at least.”

“Not right now,” I asserted. “Just do what you can for me. Whatever you have to say, save it until later. Please.” 

Kevin made a shrugging motion, as if to say, “Bad idea, but okay.” I didn’t care. I knew what I needed, and right now, all I needed was salvation. Kevin’s opinions could only get me so far. 

I stared at him. I had to admit, if there was one thing I liked about this whole event, it was that I got to know Kevin in this new light. It was strange – you can go almost all of high school seeing someone as plain, or even ugly, and then get to know them, like, really know them, and suddenly, they change. Kevin’s concentrated face was… cute. Despite all of this stressful awful crap circling us both, I couldn’t help but slowly smile as I stared at his face.

Eventually, he saw me staring, and his gaze narrowed in confusion. “What?” he asked.

“I’m just glad I got to know you,” I told him softly. “No matter how any of this ends, I’m glad that I got to actually, properly know you before high school ends and we have to move away or whatever. At least I got to know you, and…” I shifted. “I’m glad we got to spend our time together. Even in my room. You know.”

His eyebrows slowly raised. “No matter how any of this ends?” he asked skeptically.

I nodded confidently. “No matter what,” I told him. 

“I might hold you to that,” he chuckled dimly, as if we were sharing a joke. He stood up and stretched. “I should go…” he admitted to the wind, then turned to face me. “Stand up.”

“Why?” I asked.

He didn’t respond, and just held his hand out to me, moving his fingers to coax me up. I rolled my eyes and stood up. “What is it?”

He looked at me for a bit, then extended his arms out and wrapped me in a hug. “I’m really sorry for all of this,” he told me, with a tone that I never heard from him.

I accepted his hug and wrapped my arms around him. Nevertheless, I scoffed into his shoulder. “It was my dumbass fault for going after Jordan,” I admitted.

“Hey, we all made mistakes,” he replied. Ever the gentleman, he kept some space between us, but I closed the space, allowing our bodies to touch. I didn’t dare let him go. I may have been barking orders at him, but still… I meant it. He was the one good thing to come out of all of this.

I lifted his chin with my finger. “Kevin,” I told him softly. We both stared into each others’ eyes for a bit, but said nothing. Eventually, our lips met, and we kissed. The wind blew around us, on this awful gorgeous day, as we enjoyed the one good thing that came out of all of this. Our lips parted, and we held each other close. “Tell me I’ll be okay.”

Kevin looked at me, and slowly nodded, though no smile appeared on his face. “I think you’ll be okay,” he told me softly. “Truly. I actually think that. But… I think there’s going to be a lot of… less-than-fun stuff along the way. We just need to get through it. But… Did you really mean that you won’t think differently of me, no matter what?”

“Absolutely,” I said without a second thought. 

He stared at me for a while, then smiled. “Okay,” he finally conceded, as he broke away from our embrace, and stepped away to think to himself. “Uh, so, did you want someone to walk you to class and stuff? You know, just so you’re never alone.”

I chewed on my lip. Sure, Jordan got suspended, but even if he wasn’t going to be in the school anymore, maybe people under his command would. “Do you think maybe… like, what are the odds that Jordan’s guards or whatever might know about me, and, like… hit me?”

Kevin chuckled. “Very low. Like, close to zero. They might know about you, but trust me, no one is going to get violent with you on your way to class or something. Hazelwood has a zero-tolerance policy for fighting.”

I moved my mouth to the side. “Y’know, for a school that has a zero-tolerance policy, I keep hearing about fights that happen around the school. Maybe not in the halls, but in the parking lot and stuff.”

Kevin gestured outwards with his hands. “Enter me. If you don’t want me to walk you to class, I’m at least offering to be there with you when you walk home and stuff.”

I chuckled. “Can you… How good are you in a fight?”

“I probably suck?” Kevin chuckled back. “But that doesn’t matter. Bullies are cowards. They see two people walking home together and leave you alone. And I can guarantee, you’ll be safe in the hallways. I mean, Jordan’s been suspended anyways – he obviously won’t be there.” Kevin rubbed his chin in thought. “What a freaking mess.”

I scoffed. If this were happening to Kevin, he’d have already called the whole Hazelwood Underground. He was cuter than I thought, and he was definitely no bully, but he was definitely a coward.

***

I held my breath when I next walked into Hazelwood. The school was such a boring and dreary place most of the time. I had gotten so used to the place as my daily prison that when I actually was scared of going inside, it suddenly began to look interesting. As soon as I opened the door, it was like I was looking upon new people, contained within new walls. I was in a new, unfamiliar territory.

I walked in, feeling my heart beat a little faster. Jordan was well-connected as fuck. If he blamed me, he could totally recruit people to at least spy on me, if not… punish me. Every time someone made eye contact with me, I looked down at the floor. My breathing only quickened when I realized something important:

People were looking at me way more than normal.

It started innocently, with the occasional weird look from another senior. Usually people in my class. Then, I saw looks from people that weren’t in my class. I took a deep breath and started to walk towards my lockers, but couldn’t help noticing that it began to transcend grades. Seniors, juniors, sophmores… freshmen were giving me looks. And the looks all screamed the same thing: “I know what you did.”

I whipped out my phone and texted Kevin, trying my best not to let the panic show on my face. I was right to be scared. Something was happening. I texted him concisely, letting him know that something was definitely going on, then slipped my phone back into my pocket. I reached my locker, my sanctuary, and opened it, understanding fully that today was going to be as hard as I thought. Even still, when I looked into my locker, my little mirror on the back showed a figure standing behind me. 

I was already on edge. I yelped, spinning around on my heels and looking up into the eyes of someone I didn’t expect to see.

“…Ben?” I asked gingerly. 

He was once the most handsome face in the school to me. I once hung on his every word, and spent all of last year ensuring that every trace of my feelings for him were gone. He was only fully out of my life for a little bit, so seeing him again would have made me feel nervous on any day. Today, it made me downright scared.

He stared at me for a bit, with a disappointed look on his face. “Robyn,” he began, “I don’t know how to even begin to…”

When he trailed off, I didn’t say anything. I just stared at him, fear no doubt in my eyes. I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to have to.

He moved his neck to look off to the side and nodded for a bit, giving himself the confidence to keep going. He looked back at me, his face now squarely locked in to look at mine. “I thought you were better than this.”

I started shaking my head in small movements, the confusion overwhelming me. What the hell did he mean? Why was he here? What was he talking about? “What?”

Ben sighed, and looked off again. I followed his eyes, just in case he was looking at someone else, but nope, he was just staring off into space. Eventually, his eyes landed back on mine. “I know that… I know we didn’t end on the best of… shit, Robyn. Fucking shit.” His tone grew angrier. “Like, okay, I get Jordan. If you wanted to go crazy, he’s the guy to go crazy with. Then Kevin, I mean, that’s a bit of a weird move, but sure. Sure. Whatever. But Matthew? Fucking Matthew?”

I stared at him, my eyes only getting wider. This could have been about something bad… or something worse. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Ben scoffed. “I was worried you were going to lie,” he admitted, then his face winced in pain. “I know everything, Robyn. Shit, half the school does. And you know what? I feel like such a fucking sucker.”

“Ben,” I began, practically whispering. “You need to tell me what you mean. If you’re going to corner me like this, you need to be clear.”

Ben pursed his lips, then nodded once. “The whole school is talking,” he said in his own low, quiet voice. “You’re fucking this guy, you’re sleeping with this other guy. I know about all of them. Robyn, we dated for a… for a really long time. How am I supposed to deal with this?”

In a weird way, as he talked, I felt relieved. This was about sex?? Thank fuckin’ God. It wasn’t about… I dunno, it wasn’t the whole school banding together to burn me at the stake for disrupting the shadow government or whatever. 

In another way… Ben’s face reflected true, genuine pain. Ben was oblivious, but he was a nice guy, with actual morals. He knew as well as anyone else that if the guy he was known for dating last year was a slut, he’d be a punchline in the locker rooms. And if the whole school was talking-

Fuck, the whole school was talking. “Why?” I croaked. “Why does everyone care… who I do things with…?”

Ben’s eyes bugged out. “What do you mean, ‘why does everyone care?’” he demanded. “People always care! and now they’re making fun of me! Not even you, me!” He breathed in and out slowly. “I didn’t think you’d…” He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “Whatever,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Just… stay away from me, Robyn. Don’t talk to me.”

I couldn’t do anything but watch as Ben slowly walked away from me, with feet so heavy it was like they were made of clay. Ben may have been my ex, but he was a big part of my life. He never, ever would have been the type to tell me to stay away from him. Hell, I was the one that wanted space after our breakup. He always would have been there for me.

I turned back to my open locker. I couldn’t believe it. After all that, Ben was the one to turn away from me. And all for what, because I slept with a few other guys? So fucking what?! I was scared for my life! A guy grabbed me by the fucking neck! I bet he never had to deal with that shit! Ben didn’t know anything. Ben didn’t know anything!

I stared at the mirror inside my locker. Ben was behind me not a minute ago, and now he was gone. I watched myself in the mirror as a tear came to my eye. Maybe Ben was clueless, but… I always wanted him to… to care about me. To think positively about me. My lip started quivering in the mirror. My eyes got misty. Before I could watch any more, I slammed my locker shut, then pounded a fist on the closed locker door. This wasn’t fucking fair. None of this was fucking fair. Ben was gone, and I was being watched by everyone. The only saving grace in this entire ocean of shit was that I guess everyone hated me for being a slut. That I could handle. That I could mitigate. I made a few bad calls. I could bounce back. Maybe I could even win Ben back. 

I breathed in and out a few times, blinking rapidly to coax the tears away. As I did, I felt a vibration in my pocket. I pulled out my phone to see Kevin texted me back. Sure enough, he heard the rumors too, but it seemed to just be some flavor of “OMG, she’s so easy.” 

I stared at my text chat with Kevin, and despite everything, I couldn’t help but laugh. Fucking laugh. All this, all this stupid shit. Jordan’s anger, my secret romance-not-romance with Kevin, the fucking Hazelwood Underground… and the school was obsessed with the fact that I slept around with one or two people. What a world. Thank fuck I was graduating soon. 

Even though I could see Kevin was writing another text, I just had to turn my phone off and put it back in my pocket. It really wasn’t worth it. People could judge me, but whatever. My real friends would stand by me, and they’d understand. In the end, once the smoke cleared, that would be all that mattered. 

***

When I got to English class, nearly every pair of eyes was looking at me, save for two. Jordan’s empty seat hit me like a ton of bricks, and next to it, Kevin was… looking down at his desk. Maybe he just didn’t want to add to the pile, because everyone else was openly staring. The other absent stare sent a chill up my spine.

Kathy. Fuck. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. She had no idea what was going on. She was deliberately looking off into the distance, but she couldn’t hide the furious smolder that lurked behind her eyes. With renewed vigor, I walked up to my desk and sat down. 

“Kathy,” I began. “Trust me, I can-”

“Shut the fuck up.” Her voice was cold and sharp, like a sword ready for war.

“No, please,” I replied, my voice low yet quivering. “This will take, like, two minutes to explain. I promise.”

Kathy looked at me for the first time all class, and if looks could kill, she could have committed a genocide. “Explain?” she all but barked. Her eyes narrowed in a look of pure hatred. “You just couldn’t wait to sleep with Matthew – again – after we broke up. I thought when you wanted to hang out, it was because you cared about your fucking friend. But no, y-”

“Kathy!” I all but shouted. It definitely didn’t do me any favors for the crowd of people looking. My dignity had already died, and I didn’t give a shit about that. “You, me, hall, now. It’s important you hear this.”

Kathy stared at me for a bit, then emitted a big sigh as she looked at the clock at the front of the room. “This better be the best fucking explanaiton ever,” she angrily mumbled. “If it isn’t, I’m never talking to you again.”

“I get it, I fucking get it. That is totally valid,” I agreed with her breathlessly as we exited the room together. 

Kathy waited for me to exit behind her, then swung the door shut. “Impress me,” she huffed icily, folding her arms.

I exhaled and nodded. “Okay, so, yeah, you deserve an explanation, for all of this. And I promise, this is going to be fucking crazy… because it is.” I closed my eyes, counted to three, and began. “Okay, so, a few weeks ago, I got involved in something bigger than either of us. There’s this group of students at the school – they call themselves the Hazelwood Underground.”

Kathy’s look went from pissed off to bewildered. “I know, I know,” I continued quickly. “I discovered them and very quickly I got involved with Jordan Miller. Notice how he’s not in class? He got suspended. Fucking suspended, Kathy. He’s with them. He’s, like, their enforcer. He managed to get Connor Marks booted from the Council. They’re powerful people. So, they have this guy called the General – they use code names – and I wanted to know who the General is, because I only discovered Jordan and Kevin were members becaus- okay, that’s not important. Point is, Kathy, Matthew? He’s the fucking General. And after Jordan grabbed me by the neck, I had to sleep with Matthew in order to get him to help me stop J-”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Kathy nearly screamed. “This is the most fucking stupid lie in the fucking world!! How fucking dare you! Do you think I’m that stupid?!”

“No, Kathy, ask him yourself! Ask Kevin, Kevin’s in the room! He’ll tell you! He’s part of the-” Kathy went for the door. “No, Kathy, please-”

“Don’t. Ever. Fucking talk to me again, you psycho bitch. Have fun fucking Matthew, you stupid slut,” Kathy growled in a voice I never heard from her. In one motion, she swung open the door and did her best to calmly walk inside. 

I was frozen on the spot. Of course it sounded insane from the outside. Fuck. What the hell was I thinking? I felt a pit form in my stomach. Christ, Kathy thought I slept with Matthew to actually be in a relationship with him. She couldn’t be more wrong, but… who would even believe me?!

I needed a miracle. Trouble was, my miracle worker was inside the classroom… the same classroom Kathy was in. I stared at the open doorway… and began to shake my head. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I ran in the opposite direction. I ran to the bathroom, and once I was inside, I found a stall… and just cried. I cried and cried and fucking cried. My life was fucking crumbling around me… and no one was going to believe a word of it. Only I knew how true it was.

***

I was a coward. I just stayed there for the entire first period class. Every time I thought I could get the strength to go back to English, I opened the door, felt the tears well up again, and then just weakly closed it again and sat back down.

There needed to be a way out. There was always a way out. It was like chess – there was an optimal solution, and I just needed to find it. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to determination. So help me God, I was going to do whatever I could to save myself. 

When the bell rang, I was off. I was a woman on a mission. As fast as my legs could take me, I bolted for someone’s locker. I needed answers, or protection, or closure, or something. I ran to Jeremy’s locker.

Luckily, I got there just as he did. At this point, I was ignoring the people staring at me – they could go fuck themselves. “Canary,” I growled as I approached Jeremy. He ignored me. I huffed. “Jeremy.”

He turned to look at me, and looked me up and down. “Oh my God,” he murmured. “What’s going on?”

“‘What’s going on’ is that thanks to your little vigilante shit with Jordan, now half the fucking school hates me,” I seethed. “Did you do this? Like, all of the school thinks I’m some slut that slept with her friend’s ex the moment they broke up. Like, they think I’m some kind of homewrecker, but we both know it was just so that the Hazelwood Underg…”

My words caught in my throat. As I explained myself, Jeremy started… laughing. “W-what the fuck are you laughing about?!” I demanded furiously.

“What do you think I did, Robyn?” Jeremy asked with some weird humor to his voice. “We both knew I needed to get back at Jordan. I told you what I was going to do, and I did it. Nothing else. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. But I do know one thing… I’m not an idiot. The person Jordan was having sex with on school property… that was you, wasn’t it?” He shrugged, his hunch moving as he did. “It sounds like you caused those slut rumors yourself. I didn’t even know Jordan was dating one of your friends.”

“Wha- no!! Matthew!” I was met with a blank expression and a shrug. “Matthew O’Donovan? Jeremy, don’t play dumb. He’s the leader of your group.”

“My… group? Matthew’s not the DM, Jordan was,” Jeremy replied with confusion.

“I know Jordan was Prettyboy, not The General,” I replied exasperatedly, then paused, even as Jeremy just looked at me like I was a weird zoo animal. “What does a DM even mean?”

“Um… Dungeon Master?” Jeremy replied as if it was obvious. “And this Matthew guy was never involved in the D’n’D group. It was just me and Jordan.”

I… 

Wait…

“D’n’D?” I asked quietly.

“Dungeons and Dragons,” Jeremy huffed angrily. “And that’s over now. Jordan already got suspended, and now he knows you know about the group. Maybe you didn’t get the memo, but meatheads like him don’t wanna be seen liking dorky stuff. The D’nD group is pretty clearly over.” He paused. “I’m gonna go. Get help, Robyn.”

D’n’D. D’n’fuckin’D. As Jeremy turned around, I spoke up. “Wait. One thing, then I’ll leave you alone, I promise.”

Jeremy sighed, but looked at me. 

“Does the word ‘canary’ mean anything to you? At all? Please, just be honest.”

Jeremy stared at me for a long while, then opened his mouth. “No,” he told me flatly and definitively, as if the answer was obvious. “Get help, Robyn. Jeez.”

Jeremy was never involved. Jeremy was never fucking involved. He was just Jordan’s secret nerdy friend. This wasn’t possible. “B-but… the detention slip… the…”

“What about it?” Jeremy demanded impatiently. 

“How’d… how’d you know about it? You’re… not part of some underground… secret group…?”

“What the actual fuck…” Jeremy mumbled. “No, Robyn, I’m not part of some underground secret group,” he replied condescendingly. “I just do things for my friends.” He turned around. “Not that you’d understand.”

He walked away. He walked away from me. He was completely circumstantial. He had nothing to do with the Hazelwood Underground. How was this possible? But Matthew said…

Matthew. I needed to find Matthew. I already lost Kathy today, and lost what I thought was a wild card ally. Turned out he wasn’t my fucking ally at all, I just assumed he was. What the fuck else could even happen to me today? At least Matthew was upfront with me. He admitted to everything. He could clear things up. Hell, he could tell me who the actual Canary was. 

The break between first and second period class was ending. I did not want to leave things up to luck that I would find Matthew. God knows my luck was already a scant and valuable resource today of all days. I wasted no time and pulled out my phone, not even bothering to text him. I called his number and put my phone to my ear.

Even as the phone rang, I didn’t bother pacing in place. Pacing was for people willing to wait for other people to put in the work for them. I was making a beeline to Matthew’s locker. Even though the call didn’t go through the first time, that wasn’t going to stop me. I just pulled my phone down, re-dialed, and put it back to my ear. On the third ring, Matthew picked up.

“Uh, hey. Aren’t we in school right now? W-”

“Shut up for a sec,” I barked. “This is an emergency. We need to meet. Where are you right now?”

Matthew’s cocky voice chuckled uncomfortably over the phone. “Um, about to go to class, babe…”

I didn’t even have the patience to address “babe” right now. “What room? I’ll go to you. Just don’t go in yet.”

Matthew gave me an exasperated sigh over the phone. “Alright, cool,” he conceded. “Advanced Functions. Room, um, 212.”

My feet starting moving on their own. “I’ll be there,” I told him authoritatively, keeping my ear to the phone. Luckily, I was close by, so it was a minute maximum before I would get to see him and at least claw back some autonomy from this fucking nightmare. 

I had given up trying to look at all good for anyone who saw me. People were going to stare, and honestly, at this point, fuck ‘em. Friends and strangers alike could stare at me. They could judge me. They could even see me as a slut for all I cared. The only person that made it actually hurt was someone I didn’t even know that well… Crystal. As I speedwalked past her, like everyone else, she paused and looked at me like I was this depraved slut. 

I couldn’t help but pause, and just stare back at her. I barely knew Crystal, but I did know her from one thing: I helped her at the party. I told off those guys trying to share her nudes, and gave her the heads-up. I helped her when she was facing a fate… like mine. 

And yet, here she was, looking at me with disdain. I couldn’t help it, and just this once, took the bait. “What?” I asked her.

Crystal didn’t even stop looking at me. “Uh…” she began, her belittling tone already shining through. “Nothing.”

“Whatever you heard, you almost had to go through the same thing,” I told her angrily. “And I did what I could to help you at the party. So why are you looking at me like that?”

Crystal paused, clearly not expecting me to have said that. Even so, her one-eyebrow-lowered expression resumed. “First of all, I did not do what you did,” she replied lamely and quietly, like she was embarrassed to even be speaking to me. “Second of all, I don’t even remember what you’re talking about.”

My mouth hung open on its own. Holy shit. Even people I helped, and did nothing to harm, were turning their backs on me. Faced with my flabbergasted expression, Crystal’s own expression turned more uncomfortable. “Um, you look like you have somewhere to be, so…” She trailed off and walked away, clearly trying to muster some sort of swagger to her walk, as if she “won the argument” or something. 

I didn’t even have the energy to reply. I hated that even now, people were getting under my skin. I started walking again, now knowing that whatever was happening, Matthew owed it to me to use everything in his power to help me. When he saw me, he was outside his classroom, leaning against a wall. He gave his trademark goofy smile and wave, although that smile faded incredibly quickly. 

“You look… um…”

“Terrible, I know,” I admitted in a breathless voice. “You need to help me.”

Matthew chuckled, and held his hands gently out in front of him. “Look, I’m, uh, aware that… against my better judgment… I may have told one or two of my buddies about what happened, and… I forgot gossip did its thing around here, you know?”

“Wh- you told people about this?!” I demanded. “What do they know?”

“Hey, hey! For the record, and I rarely actually say this, so please,, be good about it: I’m sorry. We cool?” He gave me a smile and went in for a hug.

“What the fu- no!” I replied icily, pushing him away. “What the fuck do you mean, you told people?”

“Babe, I get it. I-”

“Stop fucking calling me babe!” I roared. “Why are you calling me that?!”

Matthew paused and chuckled in confusion. “I feel like a lot of guys call their girlfriends ‘babe,’ I dunno, I was trying to be considerate. Uh, my bad, I guess.”

No.

No.

I could practically feel the color drain from my face. “Do me a favor,” I finally said quietly. “Tell me exactly what happened when you came over, last time.”

“What, like…” Matthew looked from side to side, then leaned in. “The… sex?” he whispered. “Because if I-”

“Just tell me what we talked about,” I told him, losing my patience. “Please.”

“Um… Okay. It felt like we were on the same page though,” he defended himself pre-emptively. “So, like, I came over, we started talking about my breakup with Kathy, and you were talking about not being over Jordan. I think you guessed that, y’know…”

Please, Matthew. Please.

He sighed, accepting he would have to keep talking. “Yes, okay, you guessed correctly that when I saw you were going for Jordan, I got jealous, and wanted to date your friend to get closer to you.”

That was the fucking limit. My eyes squeezed shut, then twitched in their sockets. My hands flew to my face. I just started bawling. 

“Then we got together, and we… um…” Matthew got more and more quiet as I just cried. “We… agreed… to be secret boyfriend and girlfriend, but uh… I’m getting the feeling that maybe… you’re having second thoughts…”

I swallowed, mustering up the courage to remove my hands from my face. “And that’s why everyone at school hates me right now? Because I look like a homewrecker that immediately got with her best friend’s ex? Because you told your friends?!”

“Hey,” Matthew cut in, his tone now defiant. “I already apologized for that. You can’t blame me for that now, that’s like… toxic and manipulative. I already apologized, and like, we both did this! It takes two to tango, y’know, and you can’t just act like only I did something bad here. I mean, babe, I have to deal with shit too. You should have seen how Brad and James looked at me when I told them! I think they actually judged me hardcore. So like, if you think about it, both of us are in the shit here, but… We’re still together, right? We can get through this, as like, boyfriend and girlfriend.” Despite everything, Matthew had the fucking nerve to crack another goofy smile. “Right?”

I didn’t have the stomach to even reply. This was like a living nightmare. Everything I knew was a lie. What the fuck could I even say to Matthew? “When you were saying let’s get together, I thought you secretly ruled the school”?!

Matthew clearly noted my silence. “Okay, yes, maybe Brad and James told a few other people, and like, you know what, I can see how if you were trying to get angry at me, maybe you could see that as, like, my fault,” he continued. “But I thought they’d be cool with this. What, you’re angry at me because I can’t read their minds? That’s weird, Robyn.”

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t take any of this anymore. Nothing was what I thought it was. Not with Jeremy, or Matthew… were Jordan and Kevin even in on this at all, or were they figments of my fucking imagination?! At this point, I didn’t even know. All I did know was that I slept with Matthew for no fucking reason, right after Kathy broke up with him, and he thought I just wanted to be his girlfriend that badly. I was going to be sick if I spent even another moment around him.

I started to walk away from Matthew, and it was clear the cogs were turning in his pea-sized brain as I did. “I-in fact, that’s too weird,” he continued. I was walking away, but I could tell from how close his voice was that he was following me. “Yeah, you know what? If you keep up acting this weird, I’m gonna have no choice. In f- in fact, yeah. I can’t do this, Robyn. It’s too weird, and fra- and frankly, too disrespectful to Kathy. That does it! I’m done.” His voice got louder even as he followed me, as if he was making a show out of this. “I can’t do this, Robyn. I’m breaking up with y-”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” I screeched at him without even bothering to look back. By now I was sprinting for the bathroom. I already knew I was going to be spending two classes today bawling my eyes out in the stall.

***

I was calm by the time lunch period began. I wasn’t crying. I’d lost all of my tears and energy. For the last ten minutes, I’d just been staring at the stall door. What was there even left to cry about? Everyone at school hated me. I was the Villain of The Day. Maybe the week. There was only so much time left before graduation – maybe I was the Villain of the Year. Matthew, of course, would be fine. 

Matthew thought I was his fucking girlfriend. He thought I invited him over to seduce him, and gladly agreed. Then he told his buddies, after telling me it was our little secret. Of course, I didn’t even want to be his fucking girlfriend. Never did. I thought I deserved better than that fucking pea-brain… but maybe I was the pea-brain the whole time.

I stalked Jordan and saw him hanging out with his nerdy weirdo friend. I heard enough words, like “campaign,” or… I don’t even know what else, and just assumed. I kept fucking assuming. I never asked directly. I was so caught up in this fucking spy movie in my head… I wanted it all to be real. And for what? Kathy hated me. Ben lost all faith in me. Matthew thought he had me wrapped around his finger. Jordan attacked me. Even the lowest person in the whole food chain of Hazelwood, fucking Hunchback, thought I was lame. That left one last person, and one simple direct question.

We need to talk. Immediately.

I sent the text to Kevin and waited for his response. Luckily, it came immediately, with a location to boot. Kevin told me to go to the most remote location in all of Hazelwood, under some staircase near the back of the school that I’d never even gone to. He had to tell me it was near the physics classroom in the basement for me to even know where it was. Neither of us had to talk about the rumors – I was the subject of the gossip, and Kevin was Kevin. Both of us knew what was going on.

I didn’t run. I walked. I didn’t have the energy to run. I didn’t have the energy to look anyone in the eye. I didn’t have the energy for anything. When I approached the staircase, Kevin was already there, sitting down, although when he saw me, he murmured, “Oh my God,” and went up to support me or hug me or something. I simply held a hand in front of me, and he froze in place, then slowly sat back down.

I stood there silently for a bit, then asked my question. “Is the Hazelwood Underground real?”

Kevin stared at me for a bit, not moving in the slightest. It took him a few seconds to respond. “No.”

I don’t know why I nodded, but I did. Maybe, despite everything, I was just happy to get a straight answer from someone. “How did this all happen?” I asked, my tone still flat.

Kevin sighed, and scratched the back of his neck. “Arright,” he conceded, and started talking, nervously using his hands to talk as he did. “So, when you were at that football game, I noticed you were looking a lot at Jordan, and at me.”

I nodded, and leaned against the wall.

“It’s more comfy if you sit,” he offered, gesturing beside him.

“Just keep talking,” I quietly ordered.

“Right, okay,” he accepted. “I… Look, it started as a stupid prank. It was kinda obvious you weren’t letting this go, so when Jordan and I went off, I quickly wrote down this stupid note, pretending something huge was going on. I didn’t even give it to you, I just left it in the shed thinking that if you or someone saw it, it would make you go all, ‘woah, something huge is happening’ and fool you. It was literally just a prank, and I thought… at the time, I thought, ‘hey, if she’s snooping around that much, she’ll deserve it.’ I hit the bullseye and you saw the note, but then, you took it really seriously, and I would have felt bad lying, and… God, Robyn, I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve this.”

I stared down at the floor for a bit, trying to recall everything. “So, Jordan isn’t some secret member of-”

“Nope. And neither am I. I’m just Kevin. He’s just Jordan. Whoever else you suspected isn’t involved either. Every time you had these thoughts about someone else-”

“Like your brother.”

“Like Quinn, exactly, I kept trying to be all, ‘um, hey, maybe we shouldn’t do this,’ but I didn’t want to just admit that I was lying to you the whole time. The longer it went on, the worse it would have been for me, and I was… selfish. And a coward. I should have told you the first time you confronted me, but I’m stupid and reckless, and I just wanted to have fun. For what it’s worth, after Jordan attacked you, I did realize you had to know. I like to think that maybe, I would have told you eventually. But yeah, you got there first. I’m, uh, sorry, for being a shit friend.”

I stared down at the floor for a while, then quietly walked over and sat down next to him. The two of us sat in silence for a bit, then my eyebrows lowered in thought. “So…” I began awkwardly. “What even was the note you passed to Jordan at the game?”

Despite everything, Kevin chuckled. “You, uh, had it bang-on. A cheat sheet for an upcoming test. I didn’t wanna talk about it openly… I was actually kinda nervous that you saw me pass it off.”

“Which is why you went to talk to me?” I asked.

He scratched the back of his neck again. “That, and I kinda wanted to mess with you. I figured you hated me. A lot of girls around here do, and I don’t even know why. And, y’know, when you think people hate you, you don’t mind messing with them, right?”

“Yeah,” I conceded, and looked down at the floor. “So… what was Jordan’s secret side if it wasn’t this?”

“I literally have no clue,” Kevin confessed. “Everything about the Hazelwood Underground I just kept making up.”

“You didn’t make up Connor Marks getting booted,” I pointed out. “That was real, and made serious waves.”

Kevin smirked to himself. “I didn’t make it up, no, but I leveraged the hell out of it,” he confessed with a smile. “I may have made up the Underground, but I’m still well-connected as hell. Plus, those sorts of things don’t happen overnight. There’s a whole voting process in the Council and everything. I knew it was going to happen, so I kinda implied the group was gonna do something big and waited for you to fill in the gaps.”

I swallowed and nodded. “It was a coincidence,” I said out loud. “Kinda like Jordan hanging out with Jeremy. And Quinn’s detention slip.”

“God, that one was a curveball,” Kevin admitted with a chuckle, putting his palm to his forehead and rubbing in exasperation. “You have no clue how much he’s changed this year. I think I’m the unpopular brother now.”

I ignored him, still fixated on this. “And their D’nD game. And everything Matthew said. Probably everything Jordan did and said too. It all looked like some big thing was happening…”

“Coincidence after coincidence,” Kevin added gingerly, supporting my argument. “You can’t be blamed for that.”

I shook my head. “I was an idiot,” I confessed. “I was mean, selfish, and stupid. I deserve all this.”

“Hey, no. No one deserves any of this,” Kevin pointed out emphatically. “You did what you did because you, sure, might be, like… stubborn. That’s it. The rest was shit I did.”

I took in his words and nodded slowly, then scoffed with a gesture of my hand. “Plus everyone thinks I’m literally Hitler for getting with Matthew, even though Matthew himself is doing fine.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too,” he admitted, looking off at the wall. “That shit’s just unfair.” He paused. “Unfair and sexist.”

I chuckled. “You don’t have to say that just to get points with me.”

“I mean it. I keep my ear to the ground for everything. You think I haven’t noticed how every time this happens, girls get ostracized but boys get fist-bumps?”

“I don’t know what ostracized means.”

“Shut out from the group. Doesn’t matter,” Kevin replied. “Point is… I did a lot of this, and I’m sorry.”

I paused, yet again. “Y’know, funny thing is, you actually didn’t do that much. Matthew did. And I let it all happen.”

“I literally lied about a secret underground group to mess with you, and started all this. Really? I ‘didn’t do that much’? You sure?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah. I’m sure. I fell for it. I’d rather be pissed at Matthew right now. Because I’m fucking pissed, and he thinks I’m the bad guy in all this because he’s some innocent little heartthrob and anything anyone ever does that isn’t exactly to serve him must be unfair to him.” I groaned, and shook my head. “At your worst, you were a little shit. And you’re actually being honest with me now, so yeah, we’re good.”

Kevin nodded. “Okay. Uh, thanks for forgiving me.” A beat of silence passed between us, and Kevin inhaled and exhaled loudly. “You know… thinking out loud here, but if there was something I could do for you… something I could actually do for you… I could try to shift the rumor mill back onto Matthew. Make it seem like he was the bad guy in all this. At least get some heat off you.”

I didn’t respond for a bit. Kevin wasn’t lying, he was truly well-connected. He could probably help me throughout all this, and he probably could genuinely make Matthew look truly awful, in the nick of time for his high school buddies to finally clue in that he was actually a self-centered piece of shit.

I considered it. I imagined it. I wanted it.

“No.”

Kevin paused. “No?”

I shook my head. “No,” I repeated. “Wanting revenge, and power, and all that shit… it’s what led me here. Every time, it bit me in the ass. I don’t think wanting revenge is the answer here. Fuck, even just selfishly, if I said yes, and it made things worse for me, and I knew me choosing to do this made this worse for me… I don’t know if I’d be able to handle even one more fuck-up.”

“But… it’s not just about revenge,” Kevin pointed out. “It’s also about making school not, like, hell for you. Don’t you want that?”

I shrugged. “Fuck ‘em,” I said out loud honestly. “We’ve got, what, a month of school left? Let people think what they want. I’d rather just accept what’s happened and move the fuck on with my life than risk making it all worse just to get even, or even just to make myself look good.” I paused. “I don’t have to always get what I want, and I don’t always have to pull a temper tantrum when I don’t get what I want. Otherwise, that just sounds like Matthew behavior.”

Kevin nodded, his lower lip twitching in acknowledgement. “Mature,” he admitted.

“I guess. If that is, that’s, like, the first time I’ve ever been mature,” I replied, groaning. “Plus, who knows, I might get in trouble and get suspended. If I was even the person Jordan was caught having sex with.”

Kevin shook his head. “If you weren’t named in the report, and there’s no report on you… I think that particular scenario ain’t likely. And if it is… whatever, I’ll just say we were hanging out that day.”

“Heh, thanks,” I replied with little energy. I inhaled, then took a deep sigh. “Welp, I’m ready to move on. From all of this. I can deal with the occasional weird look in the hallway. I might even just play victim, and say Matthew sprung it on me and I was an idiot to go along with it. I would barely be lying anyway.”

“And what, we’re just cool? We move on like nothing happened?” he asked.

I looked at him, for the first time since I sat down. I shrugged, giving him a soft smile. “Yeah, Kevin, we’re cool,” I confirmed. “I mean, you’re probably my closest friend in the whole school by a country mile right now.”

“And how do you feel about…” His voice lowered. “…What we did?” He blushed, looking unsure of himself.

I had to laugh. Kevin may have wanted to act like this cool customer, but it was so clear he was an insecure near-virgin. “Kevin,” I began patiently, “if I felt screwed over by every guy that was unfair to me and had sex with me, I’d never have sex again,” I laughed. “Especially thanks to Matthew, you’re golden.”

“Okay,” he all but breathed a sigh of relief. “And I totally understand if you wanted to stop, y’know, having… sex…”

I stared straight forward, processing everything. Everything that happened, everything I thought he was, everything he turned out to be, even everything I turned out to be. “Kevin, I’m going to say something,” I told him. 

He turned to face me, waiting.

I opened my mouth, then closed it, then shrugged. “Fuck it. I know what made me happy these past few weeks, I know what didn’t, and I know what I want to care about. You wanna go out?”

Kevin stared at me, like he was getting pranked. “Like… date?”

I smiled slightly, and nodded. “Why not? Everything else in my life is falling apart, I felt something with you, and you said you’d protect me from Jordan. What could go wrong?” I shrugged. “Plus, if there’s no Hazelwood Underground, there’s no Jordan’s lackeys or whatever to get revenge. You’ve already kinda saved me.”

“That is giving me more credit than should be legally allowed,” he joked with a chuckle. “Wait, aren’t you kinda, like, vulnerable right now? Would it be… rushing into something?”

I shrugged and smiled. “The fact you asked that question is the reason I feel comfortable doing something like this when I’m vulnerable,” I answered. “Though I think for both our sakes, we might need to keep it on the down low until we graduate. And frankly, I felt good when I was around you and, uh, go figure, I think I want some comfort right now. If you want me to be selfish about it.”

“You’ve definitely earned the right,” Kevin chuckled. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Wait, no. I’d like that. Uh, I’d really like that.” He blushed and looked down, and I giggled and lifted his chin, giving him a quick kiss. “God damn,” he breathed. “This was not at all how I pictured we would end up when I pranked you.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s anything like what I pictured either,” I admitted, shifting in place. “But whatever. Life surprises us, and I’m willing to roll with the punches. Just as long as we’re able to keep it a secret for another month or so. And, like, actually keep it a secret.”

“Our own little Hazelwood Underground?” Kevin joked.

I laughed and kissed him again.

---

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