I took in a slow, long breath. The smell of nature greeted me. Trees, flowers, dirt, water… Everything had such a beautiful smell. I was so glad I was making time for myself like this.
I was a creature of habit. If I planned to do something, that was the only way I’d get it done. So, on Tuesdays around four, the only time I could get away from college classes for a long enough time, I’d go to my local hiking trail. Most days I’d follow the regular path, but some days I’d have fun and just get lost.
I used to hate nature. I don’t even know what turned me around. For the first 26 years of my life I’d just be inside as often as I could, even though it was clear the smells now gave me some kind of childhood nostalgia. I don’t know if it was just me getting older, or the fact I started playing Stardew Valley and liking it, or even just getting older and realizing that if I wanted to, I could just change my mind for no reason and start liking new things, things I told myself I disliked.
I looked around me. I’d decided to wander off the path again, and I really enjoyed the result. This hiking trail had some beautiful views – a waterfall, an abandoned teepee-like thing clearly made by bored teenagers, and even a cliff overlooking some kind of valley. It wasn’t the biggest, but the fact it was off the path made it feel special, like I had discovered it. I started going to the cliff far more often than any other place, and it started to feel like some kind of second home.
I looked in my rucksack and frowned. I forgot to bring my sketchbook. I was pretty awful at drawing, but this seemed like the place to get inspired, to do something. If I found out I suddenly liked nature, what else could I find out about myself?
I heard rustling behind me and turned around, seeing a silhouette in the foliage. A woman, around my age, emerged from the tall grass separating the path from my cliff.
“Oh,” she simply said when she spotted me. “Hello.”
“Hi,” I said politely, turning back to the cliff.
“I thought no one else found this place yet,” she chuckled shyly.
I chuckled back. “Yeah, me too.”
She didn’t say anything more after that, and just sat down, enjoying the view. Part of me felt annoyed – this cliff was mine, why did someone else have to think they discovered it too? – but mostly I felt… this weird pressure. Like I should say something more, or do something, or… I didn’t know. There was another person around. It felt weird to just be here. The silence was no longer a contract between me and the view, it was now a conscious choice. The silence was now an absence of communication between two people instead of a communication between man and nature.
“I found this place a few weeks ago,” I found myself saying.
“Oh yeah?” she asked after clearing her throat, getting used to talking after the long silence. “I think I found it, like… a few days ago?”
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she simply said. We went back to being silent.
“Well, I’m going to keep moving,” I announced, getting up. “I hope you enjoy the view.”
“Thanks, enjoy your walk,” she said sweetly. She had a really sweet smile, innocent and unpresuming. It looked like a smile was almost inevitable on her face, like her face was always waiting for a reason to smile. It definitely suited her – every feature on her face: her hazel eyes, her cute button nose, the splash of freckles – they all lit up when she smiled. Her brown hair was done up into some kind of wavier bob haircut. It was clear that wherever this girl went, she’d instantly be popular. It almost made me wonder if that was the reason she liked going on walks and being alone in nature.
“Is something wrong?” she asked me. Shit, I’d been staring.
“No, sorry, long day,” Imumbled sheepishly before walking off. My face felt hot. I was twenty-six, for God’s sake. I really thought that staring at girls was behind me.
I winced when I arrived at the cliff. Not only was the girl back, but she was already settled in, clearly having been here for a bit. It was clear that at this point I was going to have to share.
“You again, huh?” I announced with my friendliest voice as I walked over to the cliff. I tried to keep a swagger about my walk – I wasn’t the fittest guy on the planet, but maybe the hikes were at least helping. I honestly didn’t know if I was too attractive – I had one or two girlfriends in high school, but never anything serious. I probably just looked like the usual Balkan-American with short dark brown hair and intense eyes. It served me well, although thanks to my dedication to classes and never feeling like anyone intrigued me, I was still a virgin. I wasn’t proud of that, but I wasn’t really ashamed either, per se.
So why did I feel like I wanted to impress this woman?
She turned around and looked at me. It was clear she didn’t recognize me immediately. “Oh hey,” she finally said. “For a second there I didn’t know if I knew you from somewhere else.”
“You’re popular, huh?” I asked with a humorous lilt.
“I just know a few people, sometimes they recognize me, that’s all,” she replied. I nodded and sat down, drinking in the sight, even if there was another person here. I had to admit, the fact we were here before made the silence at least a little more bearable.
“You recognized me,” she continued, clearly liking the silence less than I did.
I shrugged. “I guess you’re memorable,” I replied awkwardly.
She smiled to herself. “That’s sweet,” she said. “Do you always come here at the same time?”
“Yeah, every Tuesday after four,” I replied. “I can try to find a different time so we can properly appreciate it on our own, if you want.”
“Oh no, sorry, that’s not what – no, it’s okay,” she replied immediately. “Unless, I mean… I hope I’m not intruding on what you wanted to be your alone time, am I?”
I waved a hand in the air. “This is a public trail. No one owns this cliff, right?”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I asked,” she replied. “Would you prefer to be alone?”
I chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of my head. “Even if I did, it would be mean to say that and I don’t own this cliff so-”
She got up. “That sounds like you want to be alone but you want to be polite about it,” she asserted.
“No, no, c’mon, I’ll feel guilty if you left on my behalf,” I insisted.
“It’s okay! I can walk around the trail for an hour and come back or something,” she insisted in turn.
“Well, you’re here now, and it’ll, y’know, weigh on me if you left,” I said defiantly.
She sighed loudly. “Okay!” she conceded, sitting down, giggling. “But I did offer.”
“And I appreciate it,” I replied. “Maybe I can just find a different time to come.”
“I just come here whenever,” she replied.
We stopped talking after that. I turned back to the view and took in the air and the sight, but I couldn’t help but feel the woman’s eyes on me. Every time I turned to look at her, she’d be looking off, but… I wasn’t sure.
Trying to put her out of my mind, I reached into my rucksack and took out my drawing pad.
“Ooh, do you draw?” I heard her voice ask. She was definitely looking at me. She piped up immediately.
“No, but I want to start,” I replied.
“Oh come on,” she insisted, watching me flip through the pages. “I can see a few drawings in there. This isn’t your first time.”
I blushed. “I’ve drawn once or twice as a hobby,” I mumbled. “I’m just not good.”
“Let me see,” she requested.
I looked at her, no doubt blush still on my face, an eyebrow lowered and probably a scowl on my face. She certainly was persuasive, like if she wanted something, that thing should happen, regardless of how anyone else felt.
Luckily, she read my mind, or at least my face. “Um, of course if you didn’t want to show me…” she trailed off uneasily.
I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“What are you sorry for?”
“I probably gave you a weird look there.”
“Yeah, but I was probably being pushy,” she admitted. We let a beat of silence pass. “Y’know what, yeah, this is happening. We’re probably going to see each other here at least once more, so maybe we should make a formal introduction or something. My name is May.”
I couldn’t help but give a half-smile. She wasn’t wrong about being pushy. “My name is, uh, Phil.”
“Phil!” she gave a polite smile. “Nice name.”
I don’t know what compelled me to say what I said next. When I went to college, I wanted a fresh start, including my hobbies, my clothes, and even my name. I never let anyone know what they called me in my hometown. And yet… “Well, actually it’s my middle name. When I moved out here I wanted a fresh start. My actual name is Andrew.”
When I said that, she gave a weird smile. A smile that told me, ‘Ooh, interesting!’ “Really, it’s actually Andrew?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said with a nod.
“See, that’s interesting because you don’t look like a Phil to me. You actually look more like an Andrew.”
“Really? I’ve never heard that before,” I told her.
She nodded enthusiastically. “I wouldn’t have been able to, like, tell you your own name or anything, but yeah, if a stranger’s vote counts for anything, I’d prefer to call you Andrew.”
“Um…” I mulled it over. I did want a fresh start, but she was so weirdly enthusiastic about it. It was almost sweet, in its own way. If she cared that much, and I was kind of lenient on it… “I mean, what’s the harm in having two names?” I asked rhetorically. “Sure, for you and you alone, my name is Andrew.”
She smiled triumphantly, but quickly cocked her head in thought. “Me alone? Your name is Andrew and no one calls you that?”
My family did, and everyone from back home, of course. “Nope,” I lied for zero reason. “Just you.”
“Wow. You’re making me feel special over here,” she chuckled. “Okay, Andrew. What were you thinking of drawing?” I opened my mouth to answer, but then she just continued with, “Ooh, could you draw me?”
I chuckled in nervousness. “I’m a bad artist and we just met.”
“And this is a cliff and that’s a tree,” she replied, pointing to both. “Are you pointing out things or are you giving me a reason?”
“I just don’t think I’d do a very good job, that’s all,” I admitted. “I’d like to get some practice first.”
She smiled confidently. “Okay then, Andrew,” she replied with an almost teasing voice. “But someday, you’re going to draw me.”
I smiled at her. “Maybe someday I will,” I murmured.
“Not maybe,” she challenged.
I smiled, but looked back out to the vista. She had a knack for making me feel comfortable; even though it felt awkward with her around before, now it kind of felt like we were both enjoying something beautiful. I occasionally looked back at her and saw her either relaxing with her eyes closed, or on her phone.
Whenever I could take my eyes off of her, I was drawing. I felt like she was the type of girl to remember the promise I guess I apparently made to draw her, so I really had to brush up my skills quickly. I guess I had a new hobby.
I didn’t see the girl for the next three times I went to the cliff. The first two times I didn’t really do much more than notice, but the third time, I got concerned I wouldn’t see her again. To be fair, I was the one with the schedule, and she knew what it was, so the ball was in her court.
Plus, it meant that I had the freedom to get more drawing done. I didn’t feel like I was getting better, but I was having more fun, and drawing started to feel like a thing I could just do, rather than something I’d think about doing while staring at blank paper.
Plus, I purposefully made my style kind of rougher and shape-focused, rather than getting all of the individual shapes. I wanted to give the impression of a forest, rather than something photorealistic.
“Oh, neat,” a voice came from over my shoulder while I was drawing. I nearly jumped and looked behind me to see May, looking at my latest work.
“Jesus,” I complained. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“Sorry,” she said with a smile. “Hey, it’s good to see you too.”
“I told you I wasn’t good at drawing,” I replied, shifting in place and putting the sketchbook away.
“Yeah, and I told you I didn’t believe you,” she replied instantly. I don’t think she ever said that. “It looks nice! It has, like, a style.”
“Yeah, I’ve been trying to focus on that,” I admitted, looking out towards the view. “Seems kind of pointless to try to go from nothing to drawing perfectly realistically.”
“Yeah, so why not go for, like, impressionism?” she asked.
“Is this an impressionist style?” I asked, opening the sketchbook again.
She donned a sheepish smile. “I don’t even know what impressionism is,” she admitted. “I heard it in a class once and figured it’s a cool art term. I still don’t even know what a Renaissance artist is.”
“I think that’s more like a time period than a style,” I replied.
“Yeah, but isn’t impressionism also a time period?” she asked.
I paused. “I guess, but I think one is more like a time period of different styles and the other is a style people used a lot in one time period.”
She shook her head. “That’s a lot of things to think about.” She looked towards the sky. “I don’t come here to think.”
“Yeah, you come here to sneak up on me,” I said with a small laugh.
She laughed too. “Yeah, pretend you didn’t miss me,” she replied boldly. “I bet you came here hoping I would be here.”
“And what if I didn’t?” I replied, attempting a playful tone.
She paused. “Yeah, but I bet you did.”
“You’re very sure of yourself, aren’t you?” I asked.
Her face fell slightly. “Well, I was just saying,” she said with a hint of fluster, taking her usual seat by the cliff.
I guess I said something wrong. “It’s not a bad thing,” I quickly backtracked. “I was just noticing things.”
“Yeah,” she replied. “It was kind of dumb of me to ask that anyway.”
“It was reasonable!” I argued. “I did think to myself, like, ‘huh, what if I never see her again?’”
Her face perked up when she heard that. “That’s definitely missing me! So I was right.”
I shrugged. “I guess you were,” I admitted, shifting in my seat. I really wanted to deny whatever effect this woman had on me, but now instead of drawing alone, I was covering my obvious boner with my sketch pad.
God dammit, I was attracted to her.
I was suspicious that May figured out I was a creature of habit. For the next few weeks, every time I’d come to the cliff, she’d be there, like she was waiting for me. She’d cheerfully say hello and we’d make small talk and catch up with each other’s lives before falling quiet. I would draw, she would stare and occasionally interrupt me with a question about my life. It was really nice. I made a friend.
The only problem was, I was also feeling more and more feelings for her. I had gone from being mildly bothered with seeing her there, to holding my breath when I got to the cliff. And every damn time, she’d look back at me when I arrived, and just smile. I grew to crave that smile.
It turned out that May was a creature of habit too, just not in her activities. It was the same smile every time, the same light-hearted jokes about her drawing me, and the same tension that hung in the air. I’d only had silly high school girlfriends and never had sex, so I didn’t know what was real and what was just all in my head, so I never asked, but… but god dammit, did I ever want to.
One day when I arrived, her smile wasn’t there, and it was clear that the tone had shifted.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No, why?” she asked in a clearly bothered tone.
“Because you didn’t smile and it sounds like something is on your mind,” I answered, sitting near the cliff and taking out my drawing pad.
She huffed. “Okay. Yeah. My stupid boyfriend broke up with me.”
She had a boyfriend?? I guess I never asked. So this really wasn’t flirting on her part and I was just being a weirdo. “Oh, I didn’t even know you were dating. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I guess he didn’t think we were dating either,” she huffed, getting up and pacing. “We’re too old for the games bullsiht. We’re adults now, you know? I’m twenty-five. I shouldn’t have to, like, ask for basic human needs.”
“Was he twenty-five too?” I asked.
She blushed. “Uh, thirty.” She caught my gaze and chuckled. “Yeah, mistakes were made. Anyway, with how he acted he may as well have been like twelve. He’d just go to work and then he’d just do nothing all day, just playing his music and smoking weed or something. I’m not, like, against smoking weed occasionally, but…”
I nodded along, wanting to support her.
“I just hated having to ask my own boyfriend for attention, or to get a hug, or… y’know? It didn’t feel like he was my other half. He just sorta felt like a lump around me. Why even hang out if we weren’t going to, y’know, talk, or make out, or have sex… Y’know?”
“I, uh, don’t,” I nervously replied. “I didn’t, uh… quite…”
She stared at me. “You didn’t ever quite what?” she quizzed me.
I shrugged. “I never really dated much,” I answered.
She stared at me for a bit with a slightly scrunched-up expression, which quickly softened. “Oh, uh, yeah,” she awkwardly replied. “Nothing wrong with that. So like, were you more about the causal stuff, or…” She coughed. “I mean, don’t answer that if you don’t feel comfortable. It’s just that we seem to be open around each other.”
I found myself unable to look her in the eye. “Well, I mean… I just…”
“Hey, like I said, no need to say anything if you don’t want to,” she practically laughed. We shared a pause where we both looked out towards the valley awkwardly. “But like, you have done it before, right?” she added.
I didn’t respond.
“Like, you’ve had sex,” she pressured.
“No,” I finally managed.
“Oh,” she simply replied. I kept my head down for a while, feeling the tension take on a whole new energy. “Saving for marriage?”
“Okay,” she quietly replied. I could see her nodding out of the corner of my eye, then shifting in place. “But, like, you’ve-”
“You said I didn’t have to talk about it if it made me uncomfortable,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, but I’m just asking, like, small things,” she immediately defended herself.
“They don’t feel small to me,” I replied.
She actually smiled at that. “I think a lot of people feel that way before they have sex. Like it’s this big huge event that makes men out of boys.” She brushed her hair aside and waited for me to look back at her. “Sex is just a fun thing you do with a trusting partner, right? It, like, doesn’t have to…” She slowed down, her smile fading. “To… mean much… I mean…”
I don’t know what expression I was giving her, but she did. “I’m gonna go,” she quickly replied. “Maybe I’ll see you again.” Without waiting for me to reply, she walked off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I wasn’t sure which one I would have preferred.
The next time we did see each other, she was the one to approach me.
“Hey,” she said behind me, approaching the cliff with her signature smile.
“Oh hey,” I replied.
“I dunno how you handle being single, this shit sucks,” she joked, trying to cut the tension.
“Did you try to get back with him?” I asked.
“Oh fuck no,” she laughed. “I just… I’m feeling weird. Two years, you know? Two years, all with the same guy. I started to like, mold my life around him, and now I’m trying to figure out how to live again.”
“Ah,” I simply replied, then went back to sketching.
“Look, did I upset you or something?” she asked with a little heat.
“No, I just don’t know what to say to a lot of this,” I replied.
“I dunno, ‘what was he like,’ ‘are you going to start dating again,’ ‘what’s sex like…’” she trailed off.
“‘What’s sex like?’” I asked incredulously.
“Glad you asked. It’s great,” she began. “But! It’s not everything. I’m actually super proud of you for not needing it so badly you chased it. I have a lot of respect for a guy that reaches twenty-six without having sex.”
“It’s not like that was my goal,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, but you didn’t, like, become weird. You don’t give me incel vibes, or even ‘um actually’ fedora tipping vibes. You don’t treat girls as, y’know, these dating prospects.”
“You’ve only seen me around you,” I laughed.
She laughed too. “I guess you’ve got me there. But I dunno. You’re a breath of fresh air. I really like that you can talk to me without making it seem like you just want to get in my pants or something.”
I gulped. I flickered my eyes down to make sure my sketchbook was covering the crotch of my pants.
“Sorry, guess that was weird, wasn’t it?” she noted. “I’m just, I’m proud of you. You go, dude. You keep living life,” she awkwardly finished.
“Maybe at this point I will save for marriage,” I thought out loud, not enjoying this conversation but accepting that it was happening anyway.
“Oh no, you can’t do that!” she protested. “What if you suck your first time?”
“It’ll be my first time. I think she’ll understand. Thanks for the confidence boost,” I mumbled.
“No, but like, you always remember your wedding night. It’s like, the most important thing. If you want to do it for, like, religious reasons, then, I guess, but…” She looked at me with determination. “Nope. We’re gonna get you laid.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re talking like we’re coworkers and you’re going to set me up with someone,” I pointed out. “We don’t have any mutual friends. What are you going to do, help me set up a Tinder account?”
She considered it. “That’s not a bad plan,” she thought out loud.
“Pass,” I spat. “I don’t like online stuff. I like meeting people in person.”
“Kinda like what we did,” she said.
“Yeah, in pers-” I paused, wondering what she meant, though judging by the way her eyebrows shot up when I paused, it was clear she didn’t mean it like that. “Uh, yeah. In person.”
“Sorry, did I make it weird?” she asked.
“You seemed to talk about sex a lot since it was first brought up,” I replied. “I’ve never had sex. It’s all a little weird to me.”
“I keep telling you, it won’t be weird if you just have it once, and just go for it,” she protested.
“Why does this matter so much to you?!” I demanded angrily. “Why does it matter to you if I have sex? What would that do for you?”
Her expression darkened. “Jeez, I’m just trying to help you. Lighten up a little.”
“Well, I don’t need help,” I replied. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bring it up around me again.”
She was silent for a bit. Then, for a while. “I feel bad,” she finally said.
“I think you should,” I told her honestly.
“Can I ask just one more thing about it? Then I’ll leave it all alone.”
I looked at her for a bit. “Promise?”
“Promise. You can bring it up, like if you get some and want to gloat, but I, uh, I won’t.”
She definitely had her… quirks, but she seemed sincere. “Yeah, alright. One more question.”
“Whenever we talked about this stuff, you kept hugging your sketchbook closer to your pants,” she observed in a quiet voice. “Is it because… I’m having an effect on you?”
I looked at her. Her face was serious, yet curious. Not humorous, not like she was going to laugh at me or something. “This is weird…” I breathed.
“You said one question.”
“Yeah, okay,” I conceded. “Um, the subject matter makes the body respond normally. Is that good enou-”
“But it’s happened before, too,” she cut in, her voice getting weaker. “Even when we talked normally, you’ve pulled the sketchbook closer.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Is it because you find me… attractive? It’s okay if you do. I won’t get weird about it.”
“This is already weird,” I laughed nervously. “Uh, I mean, yeah, I would say of course you’re attractive. So, if someone who’s attractive brings up this kind of thing, it’s like… natural.”
“Yeah, I’d agree,” she replied. “Well, hey…”
I looked at her. My heart was beating faster.
“I mean, if you were looking for… experience…”
Faster and faster. It felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.
“I mean, I am single now, and… like, I’m supposed to look for rebound stuff after a big breakup, right?”
I was breathing through my mouth.
“If you wanted to have sex with me…” she trailed off, clearly as nervous as I was.
For some reason, the word ‘sex’ broke the spell. “I can’t do this, this is too weird.” I quickly gathered all my things and blushed, realizing that if I stood up now, May would very clearly see my erection.
There were worse fates. I exhaled, standing up, accepting my fate. I turned and quickly left, my stuff in hand.
“Andrew… Andrew!” May protested as I left. “…Phil?”
Nothing made me stop. I was a deep crimson red, surrounded by green, and as much as this offer should have felt like Christmas, it was anything but. I powerwalked away as fast as I could, even if the thoughts would linger on.
I thought I might not see her for the next few walks, but I was dead wrong. The very next time I had arrived at the cliff, she was already there. I froze in place upon seeing her, and thought to walk away, but I figured that would just lead to more complications.
Still, I couldn’t find the strength to say anything when I sat down. It was hard to tell if we were purposefully ignoring each other, or if we just thought the other person was ignoring us. I didn’t know. I didn’t have to care, though. It was me and the view once, it could be me and the view again.
I took out my sketchbook and started to draw the landscape. It must have been at least a full ten minutes before May spoke up.
“You’re getting really good at that.”
She was looking at my sketchbook. I glanced at my drawing and shrugged. “I guess practice helps.”
“Am I in your way?” she asked.
“No. In fact, I’m surprised you can see my drawing from over there.”
She got up and looked at the drawing more closely. “Oh yeah, definitely better,” she said supportively. “I’m sorry I weirded you out the other week. I felt really bad.”
“Hey,” I said awkwardly. “Like I said, just gets overwhelming.” I started drawing and coughed. “Besides, I’m sure you could find better, more experienced guys to do that stuff with.”
“I don’t think that’s the point,” she replied. “I told you, sex is something fun you do with someone you trust.”
“I’m a random guy you met in the woods. I could be a serial killer,” I argued humorously.
She gave me a wink. “Hot,” she joked back. We both laughed politely before I returned to my drawing.
“I do appreciate it,” I found myself saying. “I hope when I do have my first time, it’ll be with someone understanding… like you.”
“You’re just saying that to flatter me,” she laughed, sitting back down.
“No, I do mean it,” I replied. “I’m… I’m a man, after all. Of course I’m interested. I’m just also unsure of what sex even should be. It’s hard to say yes to something I’ve never had all my life, especially when it’s something people keep telling me I’m missing out on.”
“Well, those people are weirdos,” she dismissed me.
I smirked. “You basically told me I was missing out too, you know…” I trailed off in a smug sing-song tone.
She cocked her head. “I don’t think I ever did,” she replied quickly.
“Well, it felt like it,” I objected.
“You felt wrong,” she simply told me. “I was just saying it’s something you can’t hold as sacred. Anyway, wait.” She shifted. “Did you say you hoped your first time would be with someone like me?”
“I guess I did, yeah,” I admitted.
“And I told you last time that if you ever wanted to have sex with me…”
“Yup, I remember you saying that,” I replied coolly, trying to hide how fast my heart was now beating or the bulge in my pants.
“Can you do me a favor?” she asked quietly.
“Move the sketchbook.”
I laughed. “Nope, not in a million years.”
“Oh, come on,” she laughed back. “We’re being more honest with each other, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, but that’s like…” I looked around. No one was nearby, but still. “This is a public place, isn’t it?”
She lowered an eyebrow and smirked. “Are you telling me that you never had a fantasy where you’re doing something in public?”
“Fantasies are fantasies,” I protested.
She smiled triumphantly. “That’s not a no,” she told me in a new tone.
“Tell you what.” She took initiative and sat down beside me, gingerly grabbing my sketchbook. “Why don’t we do it like this? I’ll start moving the sketchbook. If you want me to stop, put your hand on top of mine and I’ll stop, no questions asked.
She was so close to me. I could practically feel the heat of her breath, and I could watch her blush deepening in real time. Slowly but surely, she started to move my sketchbook off of me, and my hands did not move an inch. Her closeness, the way she looked at me, the way she smelled, none of it did anything to keep the tent in my pants from being completely obvious.
“Oh hello,” she murmured once it came into view. “Did I cause that?”
“No, it was the birds,” I mumbled embarrassedly.
She giggled. “So, why don’t we start slow… Can I touch it?”
I breathed in, and then out. “You really aren’t going to let this go, are you?”
“I will if you don’t want it,” she said diplomatically. “But you did say ‘someone like me,’ so, why not… streamline the process?”
“I don’t think that’s what that means,” I argued.
She giggled again, then slowly ran her hand up my leg. Even before she made contact with my cock, I gasped and shuddered.
“You okay?” she asked in a small voice.
My eyes were closed and my head slightly leaned back. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied just as quietly.
She slowly moved her hand up my thigh before making first contact with my dick, over my pants. Even with the layers between us, the first hand on my cock that wasn’t mine sent electric sparks running up my body. I couldn’t help letting out a small moan.
“Does it feel good?” she breathed. I opened my eyes to discover she was looking intently at me the only time.
I could feel my face blushing profusely, and could only nod. She nodded back, and kept caressing me over her pants. I could hear her breathing quicken along with mine, and we didn’t dare speak a word to each other. We didn’t need to. It was weird, getting fondled like this in plain view of a valley this size, and it didn’t escape my mind that anyone could come at any moment.
“Did you want to… try something more?” she asked.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” I replied uneasily, looking behind us.
“Look at me,” she commanded, still stroking and caressing me over my pants. “How many times have we come here and there was another person that came over to join us?”
“I…” I sighed in pleasure. “I don’t think we ever had that happen.”
“Did you ever see anyone else aside from me when you came here?” she quizzed me further.
She scored a bullseye. We’d come here for weeks and weeks, and never saw anyone. “N-no,” I admitted.
“There you go,” she said. “You can keep it like this if you want, but don’t pretend like someone else is coming. Right here, right now, it’s just us.” She squeezed my cock through my pants. “And I really want to see more of you,” she breathed, right into my ear.
I shuddered, then looked around us one more time for good measure. “Y-you sure about this?”
She smiled. “Why not?” she asked. “I think I can say it now, I’m curious about you. I want to see what being with you is like. And this way, you won’t be blindsided when you marry someone. I mean, if you’re okay with me being a first for you.”
“Y-yeah.” I wanted to say bigger sentences, but nothing was coming out. Without another word, May moved her hand to my belt and undid it, popping open my fly and smiling supportively at me, waiting for me to stand up.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I mumbled, standing up.
“I can. I’m just impatient,” she joked, also getting up, and getting on her knees in front of me. She helped me lower my pants, and gasped when my cock emerged.
I wasn’t the biggest guy on the planet. Probably five and a half inches on a good day, and I wish I was the type of guy who never felt the need to measure. I had always heard that girls didn’t care about size, and had prayed that would be true. Luckily, May seemed transfixed on it all the same. “Oh wow,” she murmured, biting her lip. “And you never had sex? Those low-stakes girlfriends of yours really missed out.”
“Oh come on,” I laughed.
“You know what’s funny?” she asked as if I didn’t say anything. “Most girls are used to cut guys because they’re with them the most, but I’ve actually been with more uncut guys than anything. I’m gonna have to relearn a few things here.”
“Are cut guys a lot different?” I asked.
“No, I’m mostly kidding. I don’t really give a shit, most girls don’t. It’s just slightly different technique to give the best head.” Her eyes flickered up to me and she smiled mischievously. “Oh, right. I’m going to be sucking this, aren’t I? Unless…”
“Unless…” I trailed off. My cock bobbed in front of me with desire.
It hit her in the face and she giggled. “Did you want your first orgasm with me to be… inside me?” she shyly asked. “I mean, I’m down to do this more than once, and I know most guys would probably rather get blown first, but like…”
“Wow,” I breathed. I could do little more than breathe the next few words. “I don’t know if I’m a lot like other guys.”
Her smile got bigger. “Nice,” she said. “This works out, I’m…” She paused and chuckled. “I’m kinda already wet.”
“Taking care of virgins turns you on, huh?” I teased.
She made an angelic face. “Maybe,” she teased back. “You should have seen your face. So concentrated, so focused…” She held my cock in her hands and began to pump it, eagerly spitting into her hand to lubricate it. “It’s so hot, Andrew.”
“Yeah, it’s hot from this side too,” I breathed. It was crazy to see this bossy little cutie on her knees for me, her cute eager eyes transfixed on my cock. I couldn’t help but whimper as she kept eagerly pumping me with her hands.
I think she could tell that I would shoot my load a little early if she kept going, because eventually, she got back on her feet and smiled at me, looking around to make sure no one was coming.
“Thought you weren’t worried,” I teased.
She stuck her tongue out at me in response, earning a giggle from both of us. Without another word, she worked her shirt up over her head, then didn’t even let me process what was happening before reaching back behind her, undoing her bra and letting it fall.
Jesus Christ. Her boobs, and I guess boobs in general, looked amazing in person. Something about them was just so captivating. The size, the way they were crowned by puffy attentive nipples, the way I could just see on her chest how turned on she was… it was magnificent. I had no clue what cup sizes even meant, but her boobs were deceptively big. D? DD? I had no clue. Big, for sure. “Wow…” I breathed.
“First time you’ve seen these, too?” she asked with a chuckle.
I could only nod dumbly.
“Go ahead, touch them,” she encouraged. She sighed happily when my hands first made contact. I tried to feel my way around, feeling them up and squeezing them.
“Hey, hey,” she said suddenly. “Be gentle. They like big gentle motions, not small sudden painful ones.”
Taking her advice, I began to knead them, taking note of why so many hack erotic stories used the word ‘knead’ over and over to describe men playing with them. I used my hands to play with her boobs themselves, and then finally, used my fingers to lightly tweak her nipples.
“Do they like gentle motions too?” I asked breathlessly.
“They can take it a little harder,” she replied with a twinkle in her eye.
I tweaked and flicked her nipples some more, completely forgetting that my cock was out of my pants and throbbing and pulsing with desire. Whatever I thought my first time with a girl was going to be like, I would never in a million years have guessed it was going to end up like this.
Eventually, she put her hands on mine, taking them off of her boobs. Biting her lip again, she looked at me, her eyes filled with lust and determination. “Are you ready?” she asked.
“I don’t have protection though,” I said with sudden realization.
“I’m on the pill. It’s not like I’m worried about you having an STD,” she reasoned.
“Should I be worried?” I asked.
“I’ve only been with my ex for the past little bit,” she explained. “And I got tested before that. I’m clean.”
That was our only obstacle left. It was happening. Outdoors, near our spot, at the trail, it was really happening. Now that I was 26, my sexual peak was clearly just over so I didn’t stay hard for quite as long anymore, and yet, I couldn’t remember the last time I stayed this hard this long. It was like I was a teenager again. May was letting me relive what it felt like.
Deciding on a spot and position was surreal. It was like we were negotiating a business deal while she was taking off her pants. I couldn’t help but stare at the first pussy I’d ever seen in real life. It was everything I wanted it to be and more. Puffy, aroused, and glistening with excitement.
We decided on her bending over against a nearby tree, mostly so I could keep an eye out for anyone else. After all, there weren’t trees at the clearing, so even though it wasn’t by much, we were still closer to the trail.
She bent over and turned around, smiling at me. “You ready?”
“This is all happening so fast,” I breathed.
She laughed throatily. “Hurry up,” she begged. “I really want to feel you in me.” She wiggled her butt to make a point.
I couldn’t believe the sight before me. With her shirt also off, she was completely naked, bent against a tree. She clearly didn’t care as much if she got caught, like she was carefree. She probably did this before, which honestly made this whole situation even hotter. She was an exhibitionist, or at least someone who liked to do it in public places for the thrill of it even if she didn’t like audiences.
Her ass was every bit as sexy as the rest of her. Her needy hole oozed her passion, begging for me to break my spell of virginity and enter her. So, taking one last breath as a virgin, that was exactly what I did.
Even the first thrust felt wonderful. It felt warm and tight and… right. Like I belonged in her. I could see why people never shut up about sex. It felt like all the good things, like being a puzzle piece that finally got put in the right place. It was indescribable.
May too moaned her approval, turning back again. “How does it feel to finally be inside a girl?” she moaned.
I could only moan incoherently in response.
She laughed naughtily. “Yeah, I thought you’d like it,” she moaned. “God, taking your virginity is so hot. Fuck me, Andrew. Use this pussy and learn how to fuck.”
I started thrusting because I could even understand what was happening. It came to me naturally; so instinctive, so animalistic. I started grunting and experimenting with sharper, quicker thrusts, grabbing her hair and pulling it in time with my thrusts like I heard guys do.
May was definitely into that. “Holy fuck you’re a fast learner,” she moaned. “Fuck yes. Pull my hair. Do whatever you want. I’m yours.”
I grabbed her hips and slammed into them, enjoying the feeling of the thrusts on me. It felt like I was entering a new dimension, a new way of being, all while surrounded by nature. I looked out behind me and briefly caught a glimpse of the view of the valley before my neck started to hurt, at which point I returned my focus to the equally beautiful May.
Experimentally, I smacked her ass with my hand, all while still thrusting. The smack had a wonderful ripple effect on her body, giving her ass a satisfying jiggle. I smacked her a few more times, enjoying her reaction – looking back at me and smiling like she was having the time of her life. She was moving her body back against mine like she was a horny slut that needed this more than anything, and from the way she was talking to me, she probably was.
“Fuck, we’re definitely doing this again,” she moaned. “If this is what your first fucking time is like, I can’t wait to experience you again.”
“And again, and again…” I teased.
“Fuck yes!” she moaned, slamming herself against me, reducing herself to a series of grunts and squeals. At that moment, even if someone did come around and see us, I don’t think either one of us would have been able to stop.
I did have to slow down though – I could definitely see what some girls said about guys not being able to last long in their first time. I wanted to keep this up for May, so I slowed myself to a near stopping pace, opting instead to make my thrusts slow, long, and deliberate, for about a minute or so, so I could catch my breath and have the ability to keep going. May seemed to understand, and didn’t speak until I was back to going full throttle, hammering away at her womanhood.
“So… what… do you… think?” May breathed between thrusts. “Are you… going to… go back to… no sex… after this?”
She was teasing me. “Fuck no,” I growled. “We’re doing this again.”
“And… what about… saving yourself… for… marriage?” she breathed. “What if… you meet… another … cute girl?”
I didn’t respond, and just gave her a quizzical look as I kept fucking her. She eventually looked back and caught my gaze.
“With the way you… fuck, it would be… a waste,” she panted, a near-hypnotized tone to her voice.
I chuckled. “You really want to make me into a manslut, don’t you?”
“It’s the hottest thing ever,” she answered with a moan as I slowed down again. “You’re a cute virgin and I transformed you into a hungry sex-addicted guy that finds girls and takes what he wants… fuck. I can’t fucking stop thinking about what I’m doing to you.” Her free hand found her clit. “How the fuck are you still going?”
Sadly, bringing it up broke the spell, and from my grunts, I hoped May could pick up on that. I didn’t respond with words, and instead drilled her from behind, grinding my body into hers, claiming her as my very first.
She received my first load. It shot out of me with such ferocity and took so much of my body that I couldn’t see for a full second. It was like the entirety of my life wrapped around me in a second and filled me with every memory, every feeling. It felt like all of my nerve endings burned as I shot rope after rope of cum into May’s willing and waiting hole.
“Oh my fuck, I can feel it,” she moaned, mashing her fingers into her clit in circular motions. “I’m the first girl… you’ve marked…” She moaned, and squealed. The situation was making her drunk with lust.
I remained inside her for a few seconds before stumbling back, watching her still play with herself. I could do little more than look up at the sky, feeling like I saw life itself in a new light. I had a strange feeling that May was right, that I was going to put a little more energy into pursuing sex now. And seemingly, I had a willing partner.
“Fuck, fuck, fuuuck~!” May groaned, her own orgasm approaching. She locked eyes with me and bit her bottom lip, cumming while staring me in the face. We both collapsed and just breathed for a few seconds, before both starting to laugh, not even sure what we were laughing about. The birds and insects kept making their sounds as if nothing out of the ordinary had even happened. It was comforting, and it was hot.
“I want to do that again,” I breathed. “Whenever you want. Get your phone.”
We exchanged numbers really quickly, and it should have been no surprise to either of us that we’d end up having phone sex later that night. Maybe she was right, maybe she did turn me into a bit of a monster, but to my credit, she was wrong about one thing – I never forgot my first time with her.
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