If you’re reading this, that means either chapter 16 is on other websites or I’m currently working on it, depending on how fast you are with reading these.
For those who don’t know, I got into erotica writing thanks to the inadvertent assistance of another writer named Jashley13, who is both my friend and writing rival. As of right now, he’s kind of MIA. The poor sucker went to boot camp (I had to scroll through his forum to make sure I wasn’t giving private information). More importantly, he asked me to keep a small eye on the forum and keep writing in his absence and I said I would.
It’s a really small thing but that bugs me a lot. I made a promise that I would keep writing, and yeah, it’s not like I gave up, but I was as slow as always. I feel kind of like I let him down, and for a while I almost stopped writing because I felt too guilty about coming back, like it would be shameless of me. Does that make sense? Probably not. It’s kind of like handing in an assignment to your gradeschool teacher a week late. You feel so guilty about wasting your teacher’s time that you just don’t bother giving it to them anyway and accept the mark of zero. Did anyone ever do that? I did. Maybe there’s more of Adam in me than I thought.
At this point, he’s coming back very soon. In his absence, I got what, one, maybe two chapters out? He could pull that much out of his ass in a week. I feel kind of inadequate next to him sometimes. We have that kind of ‘You’re the better writer’ ‘No YOU’RE the better writer’ friendship and I enjoy his company, but at the same time as a creator it bugs me a little that my rival writer has a more active fanbase, a more active community, more views, more chapters done, etc. I’ve tried to tell myself a few things to console myself, like “He puts more time into writing, he deserves more,” “He has time to write, you’re still a student with a thousand things going on,” “Focus on your craft, not the applause it gets,” etc. None of it really helps in the long run. At the end of the day though, even just the slightest notice makes me incredibly happy and I can’t say I’m not blessed when you, yup, you in front of the screen, are reading these very words. It’s kind of surreal to me. People care not only about the stories I write, but even my thoughts behind them. That’s insane. I want to emphasize that if you’re a storyteller as well, I hope I’ve read your works and I hope you get happiness out of what you do as much as I do.
Sometimes that’s why I stop. I don’t get happiness from being forced to write, I get it from writing. To me, they’re two very different things. I wouldn’t advertise that there were ‘more stories to come’ on my site if I didn’t have ideas for them, and at this point, I’ve started writing about a grand total of five stories. The thing is, I don’t want to start releasing them if they actively bog down my work (thanks a lot, Molly) and I want to finish what I start. That’s why I’m solely working on Being More Social for now.
I’ve said this before, but I don’t really invent my stories, I imagine them. The events of the story play out as I write. I do very little planning in terms of my stories, they just sort of fall into my head. I’m just sort of telling you what I saw instead of inventing things. IN many ways, I’m as much a reader as you are. And sometimes, the stories stop. I can’t write when that happens. That’s another reason why I’ve been so slow. The scene with Nicole in the church was the result of walking around town one night, finding a public park, sitting down on a bench with my head down for about an hour and thinking. As soon as it hit me, I rushed home and wrote the entire scene without ever changing so much as my wording. The only time I hit ‘backspace’ was when I made a spelling error. (Speaking of, I make a ton of those, it’s borderline shameful.)
My website is a good way of keeping my promise even if it is a tad too late. Even if I don’t publish a chapter every two days or something, it’s always on my mind. And make no mistake, I’m writing more often. As things get more dramatic and stakes are raised, it’s getting a little harder to write and make sure I keep everything in mind (everyone’s feelings, past events, when they took place, how everyone feels about those events, who even knows they existed, etc). That said, it’s only four more chapters until BMS is over. I got this.
My friend and I have decided we’re going to form an official partnership and set up a Patreon. Lame, right? Kind of. We’re going to be setting it up shortly after the new year begins. Don’t worry, I won’t be gating any content away from you guys or anything. This is just something to help two students pay the bills etc. We don’t think it’ll actually take off and become our lives, but we don’t know what the future holds, and if anything has plagued my writing, it’s been my inability to jump in and take risks. As well, my partner needs to make a better name for himself on the internet first. To put it kindly, he doesn’t have much of a following. I don’t really know how well the combination of a streamer and an erotica writer will do, but hey, let’s see where it goes.
After this goes live I’ll work on getting the chapter live on other sites, then I’ll be back to writing chapter 17. Thank you all again for everything you do. I’ll talk to you next week.