Sexy (in Theory)

Last week was incredibly busy for me, and I didn’t have an opportunity to even visit this site to post a blog. (I normally have one in reserve so I can post one early, but I don’t want to pre-publish them in case I release a chapter last-minute and want to make the week’s blog post about that instead). So just to make sure, despite my busy nature, I live up to my quota, I’ll be sure to produce two blog posts this week.

A few things in porn stories strike me as interesting because they clearly exist and stop existing in the written world. Such topics as bestiality, incest, and other severe taboos have nowhere near their porn-story popularity in the real world of sex (especially with some stories’ tendencies to make these practices commonplace, such as every set of twins always lusting after each other etc). Most of the time it’s why they’re popular – we like the new, the scandalous, the unusual. If new and unusual weren’t sexy, everyone would be content to have missionary sex in beds with the lights out. The fact that positions are even a topic proves people like variety, and the road less traveled, the better.

And so, people like to experiment, both in real life and in stories. The trouble with real life is twofold – number one, sometimes these deviations carry consequences. Incest, even without the factor of pregnancy and birth defects, is linked with severe familial social issues and disproportionally is correlated with social issues, abuse, trauma and general problems, even when connected to casual sex outside of a family setting as opposed to relationship-oriented sex.

Number two, sometimes these things when tried out in real life… aren’t sexy. Public sex sounds hot when thinking about it in a story, especially when you can control the other characters and make that one hot female jogger start masturbating when she catches you two going at it. In real life, it’s just chillier, less comfortable sex on an uncomfortable surface, and the jogger is a balding single dad who at best calls you perverts and keeps jogging. At worst, he calls the cops.

We write these stories about public sex and illegal acts to get away from the mundanity of reality, but at some point reality is going to imitate art. I’m sure a few readers recall my recent blog post on numbers in sex – people, especially younger people, unconsciously compare their own sex lives to sex stories. It’s how we relate, and what makes these stories hot. Ultimately, this leads to a lack of understanding towards what is only sexy in theory.

When I was in late high school, I got to have sex with my high school girlfriend in a shower. It was cramped and she barely could bend over at a sufficient angle to properly do it. By the time we got the angle right and we were doing it, our skin was getting all weird-feeling from only having water continuously applied to it for so long, we were still cramped, and water was getting in both of our faces. To make sure it wasn’t just one bad incident, I tried shower sex a few more times – Every time, I’d have rather done it in a bed. The shower sex itself wasn’t sexy, the concept of it was. At the time, high school me was downright confused. The sex stories I read had shower sex scenes, and they were hot. Was I doing it wrong? Did they lie? Not necessarily. Shower scenes were hot for me for the same reason incest is hot for others – I had never done it, so it was new and unusual for a concept. I didn’t know the reality of its mundanity, so I reveled in its sexiness… it’s theoretical sexiness.

This leads to the answer as to why incest is so popular – very few people have this moment when it comes to more scandalous/illegal acts. Very few readers, especially younger readers, are going to work up the courage to ask their cousin to bone them because they read it in a porn story once, let alone even closer relatives. Thus, this theoretical sexiness persists indefinitely. They never find out that sex with relatives is just sex, just more secretive in the moment and more awkward afterwards. If they did, guaranteed, incest wouldn’t have a sixteenth of its popularity. No one is willing to risk the shame of both 1, finding out if it’s as good as people say, and 2, openly discussing it afterwards. Best case scenario, people are going to think that guy is one of those weird Tumblr-posting ‘shit that never actually happened’ people. At worst, they think you’re telling the truth, and will ostracize you. Maybe they’ll find this post in 2060 and called me bigoted for this, but I agree. It deserves to be talked about, but in real terms, not in ‘never do this’ terms. Humans are largely just big children. And what do children do when they’re told not to do things? They want to do it more.

This applies beyond illegal/frowned upon things too. Shower sex, as I mentioned. Tittyfucking. Has there ever been a guy who has ejaculated only from having two balls of fat moved up and down across his penis? If so, I’m not him by a long shot. It’s about as sexy as doing it between two overly sized earlobes. In fact, I bet it’s pretty much the same feeling, minus the idea of it. And that’s the root of all of this – our imagination takes over, we have to imagine how good something feels as opposed to pulling from memory, lest the illusion be broken, and we carry on furthering the difference between what we’re imagining and how the hypothetical sex scene would actually go down. And this is not a problem at all for sex stories, they’re all about imagination. However, it is incredibly important that we don’t let our imaginations get the better of us and presume that incest or rape or anything is as good in real life as it felt to imagine for this hypothetical story. Let alone what horrible acts and outlooks that could inspire, it’s setting our actual sex up for failure. Actual sex should feel better than reading a sex story, and if it isn’t…

That’s a huge topic. What happens when hypothetical sex becomes better than the real thing, when masturbating to words becomes better than your own boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? This topic is very important, and deserves a post of its own. I’ll talk to you all next week.

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