Emotion

Week13Sorry for not finishing and publishing anything during the month of February, everyone. It’s been a rough month and I had to prioritize school while I still have it. The good news is, the end of the school year is in sight and that means freedom from this schedule. Of course, inevitably afterwards, unless things really take off for me, I’ll have to get a job which means another schedule to shake off, but that’s life.

Speaking of life having its ups and downs, I’ve been finding the subject of emotionality fascinating lately. In my day-to-day life, I’m a pretty emotionless guy. I may have said this in these blog posts before, but I think that my writing is my way of channeling my emotional energy and in my regular person-to-person interactions, I’m pretty mellow. I’ve heard my friends describe me as a calm, even-toned person who doesn’t talk much. And yet on the Internet I’m known as an arrogant loudmouth who writes over-emotional works. Life is funny, I suppose.

Lately, things haven’t been easy, hard times in life happen to us all. A lot of hardships have fallen on me at once, and I’ve found that I’ve been becoming more outwardly emotional as a result. Whether this is permanent of not, I’m not sure, but in the meantime, it’s definitely interesting to observe. It definitely helps that at the very least in The Good, The Bad and the Molly, we’re at an emotional climax of the story, so to speak. A boiling point. In a way, my recent emotional takeover has helped me write that. Or possibly hindered, since it disrupted my normal channeling of emotion. I think it has helped on a whole. It’s come with additional side effects though. For instance, I can’t remember the last time I cried before a few weeks ago, and in the past few weeks, I’ve cried numerous times. I’ve done and said things I know I wouldn’t do in a happy state of mind. It’s like a character transformation for me.

I wonder if that’s what led me to make the choices I’ve made recently, in my stories and otherwise (such as the decision to make friends with less mature and more melodramatic types of people, possibly to connect with them? I’m unsure). At times, I found myself too wrapped up in my own emotions and hardships to write. The primary difficulty with my writing is that I have so little free time, but as well, it’s also that I’m so busy with other things that I don’t often allow myself to enter the right headspace to even begin writing again. This recent emotional state hasn’t helped.

It hasn’t been all bad. A lot of it is highs as well as lows, emotions-wise. If nothing else, the experiences I’m having now will make great stories down the line. For now, if I may ask for this, have patience with me. I’m not entirely sure what I’m going through, how long it will last, or anything else to that effect. I do know that I want a few things. Not only do I want to finish GBM chapter 9 in March, I also want to get to a point by summer where I’m writing so freely that I finish more than one chapter in a month and just charge my Patreon monthly instead of per chapter. I feel like that would be best for everyone. Hell, I’d like that to happen right now, but it’s just not feasible. I’m sorry for that. That said, you know me, I won’t give up writing for you all, it’s just that for the next few months, it’ll come with the slowness that you all have come to expect of me. 😉 I’ll talk to you all next week.

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