During a back-and-forth email I got from a reader this past week, at one point they humorously suggested that people expect nothing but sad erotica from me at this point and that if I ever released a more ‘classic stroke story’ people might think I was abducted. I laughed at first, then realized how true it was and wondered what this might mean for the future.
Amy’s Fantasy, arguably the closest I’ve ever come to a stroke story, still has a ton of buildup. I thought the sex scenes in The Good, The Bad and the Molly were completely mindless, but upon reading the story again in prep of doing a Patreon edit, I also can see the spontaneity of the sex scenes were also to show that Molly’s mental stability was faltering and she was succumbing to her urges as much as Aaron was. (Either that or my inner mind was just making excuses for what might just amount to be poor exposition, who knows.)
I wonder if I just straight-up don’t know how to write a stroke story, on top of not knowing how to write something fully happy and consequence-free. The thought that no doubt has been in my mind since I started smut has emerged in my conscious mind – am I in the wrong writing novel-writing business? Should I not be writing sex stories?
Honestly, if I ever deviated away from this and wrote John Green-esque novels where paper-thin mentally ill girls find their solace in flawed boys whose charm lies in their flaws without properly exposing those flaws where the boy is portrayed as the hero, do me a favor and just shoot me. I’ll admit that theme is too common in literature and I’ll admit again I’m doing that world no favors by continuing it (both Being More Social and The Good, the Bad and the Molly are effectively about mentally ill girls falling in love with deeply flawed boys) but I also hope I can atone for these sins by making the books face the fact openly that these characters can be scumbags.
Plus, if I have to resign to the fact that I’m a YA novel writer for sex stories, I can at least be happy with the fact that sex plays a role in my stories. I never want to write a story that could completely exist without the sex. I always want it to be a part of the story, and a part of the characters. I want it to mean something, and in the sex stories you read and write, I hope you want it too.
I can acknowledge I’m bad at writing stories that have sex every five paragraphs, but I think it’s equally okay to acknowledge that I don’t really… want to write that. I think I like my middle ground between story and sex I’ve found myself in. I often get criticized (and I’m sure in many cases, rightfully so) for leaning too heavily into one side. A lot of people from sexstories.com are not a fan of me because I have too much of a story-to-sex ratio in my stories. A few people don’t like how my stories seem to have too much sex in them, or feel that my sex scenes can sometimes feel like fulfilling a quota. The latter I very much acknowledge – that’s a flaw of mine. I’m working to improve it.
God, this felt like a self-indulgent blog. Basically, it’s taken me a long time to get to my current position in terms of writing style, and all of things, I’m ready to say I like where I’ve landed. I like the amazing community of fellow readers and writers that read my work, write their own stuff, and comment and email me. I like exploring stories. It doesn’t mean that I’ve mastered the craft – for God’s sake, I’ve barely begun and my stories have lots to improve on – but, in a rare moment of vulnerability, I’d just like to say… I’m happy. In this moment, I am. Thank you all for allowing me that, this feeling actually means a lot. I appreciate all of you, and I hope you enjoy(ed) the stories that came and the stories that are yet to come. I’ll talk to you all next week.